Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

How can one event haunt your very soul forever? I’m not sure, but that is exactly how I feel about that cold night in November. By now you’ve probably forgotten how you ripped my heart into tiny shreds. I know you’ve moved on. You may have forgotten me, but I could never forget you.

I’m just a pathetic man. I sit around my house thinking about all the times we spent together. I stare at our picture from the trip to Spain. Yes, I still have it up on the mantle after three years. I can’t bear to take it down. That would be admitting you’re gone. I would rather pretend you are on a vacation than own up that our relationship is finished.

My friends say move on, she has and so should you. That’s easier said than done. If it was simple don’t they think I would have moved on?  They mean well, but I just don’t want to hear it. I would rather wallow in my pity privately in the comforts of our home. I could drown myself in alcohol, but what would be the point. It hurts more to be sober. To see what kind of fool I truly am.

I remember the nights we made love on the beach. The times we played miniature golf and you cheated. Do you remember those times? How can you forget about the pillow fights and the late night talks by the pool? We had so much fun.

You were my best friend and lover. You were the one person who made me whole. Now I’m broken.

Damn, I should be over you by now. Why can’t I get you out of my mind, my heart, or my soul? You’re forever etched into my core. I can’t imagine ever being with anyone. You touched me in so many ways.

Every other woman is nothing compared to you. Sure, they flock at me and flirt like there’s no tomorrow. I just find myself comparing them all to you. None of them can compare to you. They are all wonderful. I just can’t do it.

Will the pain ever go away? I don’t think it will. It hasn’t lessened since the day you walked out on us. It wasn’t about me or you. It was about us.

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It was a quiet night on the beach. Not many people were out and about. I sat on the blanket with my chin resting on my knees, thinking about you once again. I was praying my nightly prayer to God that you would come back to me. It hasn’t been answered yet, but may someday it will.

I didn’t even notice someone standing in front of me, until they sat down beside me. I was lost in my thoughts of you.

“Hey Nick.” Shelby said almost a whisper.

“Oh, Lord. Please don’t play tricks on me. Now I’m seeing visions of her.” I sputtered out. It couldn’t be her sitting beside me.

“I’m not a vision. It’s really me.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. I loved when she did that.

“What are you doing here?” I realized I was angry with Shelby. As soon as I saw her I could feel the tension in my body.

“I ran into Howie the other night. He told me you still haven’t gotten over me.”

What good were friends when they spilled your secrets so easily? I knew now not to tell Howie anything.

“Oh.”

“Nick’s it’s been three years.”

“I know that Shelby.” I said testily. Did she really think I could forget the hell I’ve been through the last three years?

“Geesh, Nick. I don’t need your temper. Do you think this is easy for me?”

“Why should I care?” I barked at her. She flinched, and I felt sorry for yelling. “I’m sorry Shel. I sometimes get caught in my emotions.”

“It’s okay. You have every right to be mad at me. So what’s new in your life?”

“Not much has changed. Just busy with the group and my solo career.”

“I love your current CD. My favorite song was Where Do Broken Hearts Go. It was a great makeover of Whitney Houston’s version. It was so emotional.” Shelby looked me in the eye. Damn, I didn’t want her doing that.

“You listen to my music?” I was confused, but there was nothing new about that when it came to Shelby.

“Of course I do. Our relationship might be over, but I still care about you. Nicky, you were my best friend for five years. I miss that friendship.”

Yeah, me, too.” I scowled. She could still be my best friend but she chose to leave. “So, what’s new in your life?”

“Not much. I just finished my degree. I got hired as a manager for an upcoming tour.” She smiled at me.

“That’s great. No boyfriend?” That’s really what I wanted to know. I was happy that she pursue her dreams and became a music manager, but that didn’t give me the one answer I wanted. That was the only thing on my mind.

“No boyfriend. I haven’t dated in three years.” I turned and looked at her.

“Why not? You could have any guy you want.”

“It’s not that simple.” Shelby caressed my cheek. I wanted to remove her hand, but it felt so good. “I didn’t want just any guy. I only wanted one guy.”

“Who’s that?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“I need you to clarify it for me. I’m not sure.”

“If somebody loves you don’t they always love you?” Shelby scooted closer to me. I could feel her breath on my face.

“Umm…I guess.” Suddenly I was nervous. I don’t know why. I guess it was because this was the moment I wished would happen every day since our relationship ended.

“Do you love me Nicky?” Her lips were almost grazing mine.

I nodded my head. Shelby placed her soft lips against mine. This was the kiss I was waiting for. She deepened the kiss. It was like we had never been apart. Quickly I broke away from her.

“What’s wrong?” She looked hurt.

“How can you come back and just pretend it never happened.” I exhaled. I didn’t realize I had been holding my bitterness back.

“I made a mistake. It was for purely selfish reasons. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.” She couldn’t even look at me. Tears were running down her face.

“I deserve an explanation.”

“I wanted to pursue my dream. I wanted to finish school and start a career. I didn’t think I could do that while being with you.”

“I would have never stood in the way of your dreams. I would have done anything for you.” I was pissed. How could she think I would stand in her way of her dreams?

“I know, but no one would take me serious if I was dating a singer. I wanted to be a tour manager since I was a kid. Everyone in the business would think I got hired because of my boyfriend instead of my talent.”

It was sad to think that my career and celebrity status would ruin the greatest thing in my life.

“Why weren’t you honest with me that night? I could have handled the truth. All you gave me was a lame excuse that you didn’t love me anymore.”

“I’m sorry. I still love you, but I’m not going to ask you for a second chance.” She spoke softly.

“Why the hell not?” I wanted her back. I wanted her back now.

“I can’t. I’m going to be the tour manager for Backstreet. I can’t mix business with pleasure. That’s why I needed to see you. I wanted to tell you in person, that I was your new manager. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. This is your dream job.  My dream may never come true, but I want you to be happy.” I did want her to be happy, but I wanted to be happy, too.

“Thanks Nick. It means a lot to me.”

“I know. Just remember I will win back your heart.”

We both stood up. I pulled her in for a hug. She melted into my chest. It was a perfect moment. I let her go and she walked away. She turned back and waved every so often. Someday in the near future she would become Mrs. Nickolas Carter. I was certain of that.