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Author's Chapter Notes:

I apologize ahead of time for the amount of cussing in this chapter. It made me cringe! Ass is usually the most you'll here me say, ever! lol

~ 23 ~

 

 What the Fuck?

 

 

Date: May 24th, 1999

Time: Mid morning

Place: Philadelphia Pa, (4 days after the emergency landing)

 

+ AJ +

 

I just sat there taking turns staring at the wall and then staring at Nick. They seemed to be one in the same these days. The wall showed more signs of life than the blonde which was disturbing, but in comparison to all the things that Charlie has been ranting about the last two days, disturbing was the new white meat.

I’m fucking freaking out, to say the least.

When we went down to the cellar, Charlie told us some pretty fucked up things about what he thought was going on. He even had big blackboards down there which he wrote formula after formula, equation after equation, while he kept talking way above all of our heads. We just kept looking from one to another with no clue what he was talking about.

Finally after about thirty minutes, I was frustrated enough to tell him to speak in fucking English and not Mathematics. We were musicians and not fucking scientists. Thus the stream of cussing started and has yet to let up.

He looked visibly annoyed at us for not being able to comprehend what he was saying, but I’m sorry. It’s not like hearing you are from some fucking other dimension and that you were probably sucked through a fucking black worm hole or some other kind of fucking hole is something that sits well with someone who happens to be sane.

The thing is, the other three seemed to be buying everything this fucking guy was saying. Kevin had this almost relieved look on his face. “Phew! A fucking wormhole, well that’s a good thing! For a minute there I thought I was going fucking insane but now that I know we just went through a rip in our universe, everything now makes sense!”

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Charlie’s plan was to go back to the site of the crash and take some kind of weird measurements with something I have never heard of to see if there was a way we could maybe reverse what had happened and go back through the hole. Why the fuck not, right? I mean, if we went through it once, why not twice, if nothing else for shits and giggles.

He kept going on and on about how he thought for years that there were such things as alternate universes and that one of his goals in life was to prove his theories and now here we were, living proof. Wasn’t he lucky?

I have to admit I just zoned him out completely at that point. He was making me so mad that I wanted to punch his fucking face. I’m so glad this is working out so nicely for him but this is our fucking life and he can talk about wormholes all he wants, at the end of the day we are stuck here in this fucking dump with a bunch of yahoos and people who just randomly hang anyone they fucking want and kill celebrities and kidnap fucking kids.

I glanced over at Carter again; he was lying on the floor on top of a bunch of blankets, in a fetal position with his arms between his legs. Ever since he came back, everyone has tried to talk to him about whatever the fuck happened out there. He hasn’t said one God damned word about it. I haven’t even attempted to try because if he’s not talking to Brian there’s no fucking way he’d tell me anything.

That night, after Charlie fucking freaked us all out, none of us slept one wink. We all decided just to stay down in the cellar because of the cot and because it was out of the way. Charlie told us not to say anything about this to anyone and we all kind of just looked at him like he was insane. As if anyone would believe the shit he just said anyway.

We all sat around on the floor and as Nick slept we took turns looking at the magazine that showed our deaths. Seeing you lying in a pool of blood never gets old. It’s kind of like being able to go see your own funeral. You want to look away but you just can’t. It looked so real, but it couldn’t be.

Charlie tried to explain that to us as well, that everyone has a doppelganger somewhere and unfortunately for them, ours were killed. He went on and on about how there are probably hundreds of AJ McLeans in hundreds of different places and times all throughout the universe.

Yeah and they’re all probably saying fuck right now.

The following day, after getting no sleep at all, Charlie, his friend Larry and a few others took that equipment and went back to the crash site while we ventured back upstairs. Kevin had to literally grab Nick’s hand and lead him up the fucking staircase like he was a five year old.

He was fucking pissing me off too!

I’m sorry, but enough with the poor me crap! I’m sorry if something bad happened but could it have been that fucking bad, really? I am pretty sure it’s just some kind of stunt of his for sympathy. I wasn’t going to buy into it like everyone else did.

Sure enough once Kevin sat him down, Brian went running over there with breakfast and tired to get the kid to eat, which to no one’s surprise, he didn’t.

Fuck him!

I was angry. I have been so angry ever since we’ve gotten to this place but now I just can’t even control it anymore. I just want to punch a wall or scream at the top of my lungs. The only person who could make me feel better was my mother and she wasn’t here. Although according to Charlie, her fucking doppelganger probably was.

I tried napping the day away but whenever I closed my eyes all I saw were those fucking dead birds all over the freeway and Nick walking in like a fucking zombie all covered in blood. So I just sat and stared the whole fucking day away until Charlie came back to let us know what he found out.

He returned just after we had dinner and by the look on his face, it didn’t appear that he found what he was looking for. He took no time at all to usher us back downstairs where I was sure we’d have to endure more of his stupid blackboard equation writing rants. We left Nick in the care of Alan this time because that was easier than dragging his catatonic ass all over the fucking place.

Sure enough, Charlie said that the readings he took showed no sign of any activity which would indicate a place where we could pass through. We’d have to find another place to go and then he said he had a friend who lived in New York City that could probably hel us out. He had supposedly been through this before.

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

Talk then went to how we were going to get to New York when we were barely able to get the ten fucking miles to Philadelphia. Charlie said there was a way. They could take a few of the vans and make a caravan and together we could all attempt to get there. It would be risky but we would have to try. When Howie asked what the alternative would be, we were told a lifetime here in this place.

No fucking way, but thanks for playing. I’ll take my chances and fucking walk to New York if I have to. I’m not staying here any longer than I have to.

“Hey.”

I came out of my flashback from hell and looked over at Brian who came and sat beside me.

“Hi.”

“What’s on your mind?”

Is he fucking kidding?

“Oh, besides all this fucking stuff we are suddenly dealing with, not much.”

“Alright, I was just asking. You don’t have to be an ass about things. I’m going through the same shit as you are.”

Way to make me feel fucking bad.

“Sorry.”

“What is going on with you? You haven’t been acting like yourself at all lately.”

I sighed, wanting to come back with another smartass remark but trying my hardest to edit my emotions. He was only concerned. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be asking the stupidest fucking questions on the planet.

“I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now. I don’t now about any of this shit. It’s fucking bananas.”

He laughed and I smiled for the first time in fucking forever.

“I’m glad you’re finding this so amusing, Rok.”

“You can either laugh or cry, right?”

“Right.”

“I wish he would say something. I’m really worried about him.”

I glanced over at Nick again as Kevin and Howie sat next to him while he silently stared off. Kevin had his hand on Nick’s back and was whispering something to him. It pissed me off. I have no idea why.

Brian could see the look of intense hatred and contempt on my face.

“What’s wrong with you now?”

“He was stupid for wandering off. It’s his own fucking fault.”

He looked like I had just bitch slapped him and I kind of felt like I had. What the fuck was wrong with me?  Even I knew I was going too far. Disgusted, Brian got up and walked away from me. Probably preventing himself from saying something he’d later regret.

“Fuck!!!” I yelled as I punched at the wall. I should have never done that because it fucking hurt like a bitch.

And this is how my day has been so far. Four fucking days since we landed here and I don’t think I can handle one minute more.  I stood up feeling the need to get out of here. Maybe that’s what Nick was feeling when he decided to just fucking disappear. I walked right past the four of them as they all stared me down. My guess is that Brian had reported back to Kevin and Howie how callus I was.

I was just about to walkout the door when Charlie stopped me, “Where are you going AJ?”

“I need some fucking air.” Great, he’s all I needed right now.

“That’s not a good idea. You saw what happened to your friend when he left.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be careful. I am just stepping outside.”

“It’s completely normal to feel the way you’re feeling, AJ.”

So, now he’s playing fucking psychologist? Someone stab me in the fucking brain please!

“Fantastic.”

“You’re not acting like yourself I bet. At least that’s what your friend Brian has been saying, do you agree?”

So, Brian goes and tattles to this guy?

“I guess.”

“It’s hard to explain but it’s because you aren’t completely you. You are a mix of the you that was here and you.”

I shook my head, “But I thought the me that was here is now dead.”

“That doesn’t matter, you still managed to pick up some of his traits.”

“Wouldn’t his traits be the same as my traits? I mean we are the fucking same person.”

“Not necessarily. Sure, you have the same name and the same face and in this case, same career, but that doesn’t really mean you have the same personality. This AJ was a real bastard, at least it seems that way. I wasn’t a big fan so I didn’t really follow you guys, no offense.”

“So, why do you think I…he…is such a bastard?”

“Just from seeing you…him on various talk shows and being interviewed. He was always very standoff-ish and rude. I think he might have even done jail time at one point for domestic abuse.”

“I was married here?”

“I think so, yes.”

This was all fucking too much. Every time I thought I reached my ‘what the fuck,’ limit, something else came up.

“Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that you have managed to pick up some of this AJ’s traits.”

“Well, that’s fucking great. What do I do about it?”

He shrugged at me, “I guess just try your best to fight whatever you feel going on inside of you.”

I nodded and smiled at him, but it was not a very genuine one.

“And also, if you could refrain from punching anymore walls, I’d be grateful.”

“Sorry about that.”

“And don’t go out there. You saw what it did to your friend. It’s a different world here, AJ. I wish I knew what yours was like, but here it’s a vile place full of hate and death.”

“Will Nick be okay?” I suddenly felt some compassion for my friend and I have to admit, I liked it.

“I hope so.”

He walked away from me and I actually started to feel better. Whether what he was saying was a huge pile of shit or not, to me, it worked.

I made my way over to the other guys and sat down off to the side. Close enough that they knew I wanted to be by them but far enough for them to know that I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell them what Charlie told me or not.

“Sorry I’ve been such an ass.” I finally said after about fifteen minutes of complete silence.

“S’okay.” came the very silent reply from Nick of all people.

I smiled at that as well as the rest of the guys. Kevin nodded and continued to pat Nick on the back. I guess anything was progress. No one pushed him to say more. We’ll take what we can get, I suppose.

Brian came and sat beside me once again, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, supposedly I was a real bastard in this world which is why I’m a bastard now, according to Charlie.”

“Because normally you’re all sunshine and rainbows?”

“Shut the fuck up, you know what I mean.”

I could tell he didn’t know what I meant at all but I do appreciate the fact that he didn’t ask. I found myself wondering what the Brian was like in this world. If he was as athletic and God-fearing as ours was. Same with all of them, were they meaner more ruthless versions of themselves here? And we were dead, but what about Nick? If the here Nick was alive what did that mean for our Nick?

I’m fucking freaking myself out again!

I hate this fucking place!

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

I warned you! LOL Thanks for reading! Hope you guys liked it! I'll try my best to update at some point this weekend if I can. :O)