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Drinking it All In.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Date: May 18th, 1999

 

Time: 1:45 pm

 

Place: New York City (3 days before the emergency landing)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

+ Kevin +

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really wish I could just allow myself some time to relax. Today is supposed to be one of the biggest days of my life. A brand new album, new management and basically new lease on life, but yet, here I sit not allowing myself to drink it all in. I hate being this way. I can’t help it though. For every congratulations we get I hear someone say, “Wow, these guys are still around?” And for every what a fantastic album, the “It could have been betters” Are what sticks in my ear.

 

 

 

My eyes glance over to our youngest member, who is as opposite of me as they come. I don’t think Nick has a single worry in the world half the time. In fact, I’m pretty sure if the end of the world came tomorrow, as long as he had his videogames and a pizza close by he’d be set. My cousin too, he’d definitely need Brian to keep him company.

 

 

 

He saw me staring at him so he stuck his tongue out at me and winked. How does one respond to that? I have known this kid for such a long time now but sometimes I’m still stumped with how to communicate with him. It’s kind of like talking to a baboon.

 

 

 

“Kevin, I need you to sign these.” Another girl from our new team said. I am getting tired of having things shoved in my face too. I’m grouchy. I didn’t get much sleep last night and ever since 6 this morning, we’ve been on the go, non stop.

 

 

 

I signed the posters and smiled, trying not to show how annoyed I was. “Is everything okay?” I heard from behind me. “You look like you pooped in your pants.”

 

 

 

I turned to a smiling Kristin, “Why is it that everyone else is having so much fun and you look like you’d rather be stabbed?”

 

 

 

I grabbed her in a hug, “Is it that obvious?”

 

 

 

“Only to the people who love you, by the way… that is most of the free world these days.” After kissing me on the cheek she moved away from me and sat down beside Howie, who looked tired but managed to stay upbeat. I needed to borrow that gene from D.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired and I guess I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

 

 

 

“I don’t blame you honey. I feel it too and I’m not even one of you!”

 

 

 

I smiled at her and then turned my attention to AJ who was sitting quietly in the corner. “How you holding up?”

 

 

 

“I have a headache the size of Toronto.”

 

 

 

“Do you have any idea how big that is?”

 

 

 

He laughed, “Bigger than this room.”

 

 

 

“That’s a start.”

 

 

 

“What is next on the agenda?”

 

 

 

It’s funny how they all asked me instead of management. One day I’m going to throw them all off by saying I had no clue, but of course that would be a lie. “We are actually getting a lunch break.”

 

 

 

“Did someone say lunch?” Nick came bounding next to me and gave me a hug.

 

 

 

“All you have to say is food and this one comes running.”

 

 

 

“I just want to get out of here!”

 

 

 

“Agreed.”

 

 

 

Here, was MTV studios where we did a small meet and greet plus some promos for the station. This place always gives me the creeps. It’s all the things I hated about high school all rolled into one place. They love you to your face and the minute your back is turned, they hate you.

 

 

 

The feeling is mutual.

 

 

 

“I hear they booked us a three hour tour around the Statue of Liberty. Isn’t that how Gilligan’s Island got started?” I thought I was funny.  

 

 

 

“What’s Gilligan’s Island?”

 

 

 

Jesus, Nick makes me feel old about once every fifteen seconds. I swear he does it for spite too. He probably knows half the things we talk about.

 

 

 

“It was a show.”

 

 

 

“Oh.”

 

 

 

I rolled my eyes at him and I saw him smile. I knew it!

 

 

 

AJ stood up, “Well, let’s get out of here then! Although I friggin’ hate boats!”

 

 

 

“Yes, we all know!” I had to say, rolling my eyes again. The two of them drive me crazy but both in completely different ways.

 

 

 

My relationship with Nick is no big secret. You can tell ours is a love/hate one but mostly love. Sometimes the age difference between us is blaringly obvious. Every year it gets easier though. Maybe one day in the not so distant future we will actually be able to be friends instead of big brother/little brother or dad and son.

 

 

 

AJ is more complex. There is a pretty big age difference between the two of us as well but he’s a bit more mature so it doesn’t quite feel like it. There are days when I can sit and talk to AJ as if he’s my age and we’ve been friends forever. He has this likable quality that not many people get to see. Those of us, who know him well, see past all the poser-ish things he does for the fans and the cameras. That AJ drives me crazy. There’s no reason to wear sunglasses at night or inside. There’s no reason to get a million tattoos. Just be yourself.

 

 

 

The layers to that boy are hard to peel away and sometimes it’s easier to just let him be. The other side to AJ is the never happy, always complaining about everything side. I like to call him the Jewish Grandmother of the group. He can out whine the best of them. We always accuse Nick of being whiny but AJ is hands down the champ when it comes to that.

 

 

 

He’s too hot when we are in the south. He’s too cold when we are in Canada. He hates boats when we do fun stuff like we are doing today. He hates fancy food when we are treated to the best four star restaurants around. So on and so forth. When he is nervous or tired, he’s unbearable to be around. I even think his mother feels the same way. She helps when he’s like that. She tells him to stop complaining and suck it up.

 

 

 

I do have to remind myself that the two of them are just kids. Although AJ’s legal now, even still, 21 is young. I barely remember being 21 and it’s not like it was all that long ago.

 

 

 

The ride to the boat was pretty quiet. We split up as we usually have to do when huge crowds of screaming fans are around. Nick, Howie and Brian went in one van and AJ, Kris, Denise and I were in this one.

 

 

 

“I hope it’s not too rocky on the water.”

 

 

 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, honey.”

 

 

 

“Because the last thing I want to do is upchuck in front of a crowd of fans.”

 

 

 

“It’s going to be a big boat. You won’t get sick.”

 

 

 

I felt Kris grab my hand. She could tell I was getting ready to bitch slap AJ as I listened to the half hearted conversation with him and his mother happening.

 

 

 

“I really could just go for some Micky D’s.”

 

 

 

“You just had that yesterday.”

 

 

 

“It’ll beat whatever they plan on giving us on this boat. Why are we doing this again?”

 

 

 

Kris squeezed my hand really tightly when she saw me open my mouth to speak. I actually sounded like a caveman, ready to talk. All I managed to get out was a grunt which made both AJ and his mom look at me like I was insane.

 

 

 

“This is pretty spectacular, isn’t it?” Denise asked me, smiling.

 

 

 

“It is. I can’t believe all the love.”

 

 

 

“All the love is giving me a headache. Does anyone have any aspirin?”

 

 

 

Good lord I want to kill him!  I glanced over at Kris and she had the most beautiful smile on her face. I’m glad she found this so amusing. I’ll have to take this issue up with her tonight.

 

 

 

“Why are you smirking like that? You have the stupidest look on your face.”

 

 

 

I guess while daydreaming about my girlfriend, we ended up at our destination because when I looked up it was Nick who had asked me that question, peering into the window like I was an animal at the zoo.

 

 

 

“Sorry, I know that title usually belongs to you.” I smiled at him and had to laugh when he really looked confused by what I said. Ah, gotta love the blondness sometimes.

 

 

 

“That’s a pretty big boat.” Howie said as he took a picture of all of us standing right next to it.

 

 

 

“This will be nice.” Brian said jumping up and down like he had to pee really badly. He’s weird. They’re all weird.

 

 

 

“I hope there’s shrimp. Me like shrimp!” Do I even have to say who that was?

 

 

 

“If we drown…”

 

 

 

Oh my God, kill me now!

 

 

 

Kris and I found a place to sit away from everyone, looking out at the water as we sped around the Statue. It was breezy but because it was hot, it felt really good. I closed my eyes and tried to smell the water. I love the smell of the ocean. This to me was peace at its best. Everything seemed to make more sense on the water.

 

 

 

“You seem calmer now.”

 

 

 

I opened my eyes and took a sip of the champagne we were given. “I am.”

 

 

 

“Good, because you should take this time and enjoy today. Don’t let anyone get to you.”

 

 

 

I nodded, she was right. Of course she was. She’s always right, that’s one of the many reasons why I love her. Before I could tell her that, AJ came and plopped down beside me, wearing his overly too big hat and a pair of sunglasses that looked like he bedazzled them himself. I sighed.

 

 

 

“It’s nice out here.” He said which kind of surprised me. Although I noticed he had an almost empty beer bottle with him. Wonder how many of them he downed.

 

 

 

“Yup.”

 

 

 

“This is a really big deal, isn’t it?”

 

 

 

I nodded at him and finished up my champagne.

 

 

 

“It’s kind of terrifying.” He said not looking at me but out at the water. “I always wanted to be a big star, but I never saw myself being this big.” Then he turned to me, “Do you sometimes feel like it’s too much and one day it’ll all go away?”

 

 

 

Of course I did. That’s how I lived my life. That’s why I wouldn’t allow myself to drink it all in. I am too afraid of drowning. For some reason, I didn’t want to share that with him. So, instead I told him what I thought he needed to hear. “I don’t think we have to worry about that for awhile AJ. For now, I think we need to enjoy every moment. Let’s make it all count.”

 

 

 

I placed my hand on his shoulder and we both sat in silence staring at the skyline of New York City.

 

 

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for reading! I hope you're enjoying this one. Like I keep saying, it's all very new to me but i'm having a blast writing it so far. I'll be back on Saturday with another chapter. :O)