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Chapter: 3
Date: 1-23-01
 
The next morning the boys had planned on meeting for breakfast. As Aaron and Nick got ready to go down stairs Aaron had a lot on his mind. He was being much more quiet then he normally was telling Nick something wasn't right.

"You ok bub?" Nick finally asked Aaron as he came out of the bathroom.

"Yeah..." He responded then thought for a moment, "No..." He trailed off. He wasn't sure if he should say anything. "I dunno." He finally said.

"Well, talk to me. What's on your mind?" Nick walked toward were he stood trying to pick out a shirt to wear.

"Howie came out of closet. He said it meant that he wasn't hiding being gay anymore. He told me what gay meant but... I don't understand. I mean I get that being gay means he likes boys but... why would he hide that?" Aaron didn't get it. Was liking guys really so different from liking girls?

Nick nodded a little. He could tell Aaron felt awkward about asking. "Come, sit." He said taking a seat on a bed.

Aaron finally picked a shirt and put it on as he moved to sit by his brother.

"There are a lot of people in this world that find a guy romantically liking other guys as nasty or wrong. Some people turn against their friends when they find out. Other people call them bad things while some people go so far as to hurt gay men. I think Howie was hiding everything because he was afraid of the outcome. Ya know, how people around him would react."

"Oh..." He trailed off looking into space. "What do you think about gay people?
 
 Nick expression showed surprise, as though he was caught off guard by
his brother's question.
 
"well," he licked his lips, wiping his palms on his baggy jean shorts. "Eh, christ.. Look, Howie's my friend, no matter what. My opinion doesn't mean anything. Even if I was against it, he'd still be.. ya know, that way." he licked his lips again, before clearing his throat.
 
Aaron nodded. "So then you don't think being gay is nasty?" He couldn't help but ask.
 
"Don't misunderstand, the thought of a guy and I being sexual makes me sick. If Howie's into that sorta thing though... well, more power to him." Nick explained. He was starting to feel very uncomfortable with this conversation.
 
Meanwhile Brian sat outside on a bench thinking. His mind danced over he and Leighanne. He couldn't figure what had happened to them. They used to be so in love that it made those around them sick. Now... they couldn't get along for very long periods of time. She seemed to have other, more important interest and he was left feeling unfulfilled.
 
He sighed deeply and ran a hand over his mouth.
 
"Rok?" He heard Howie's voice. It sounded concerned. 
 
 The younger man closed his eyes, briefly trying to decide if he wanted company or not. He decided against being lonely.
 
He turned to Howie, with little attempt at a smile.
 
"Hey D." Howie almost didn't hear his words. 
 
"It's so hard seeing you like this. You're just not you."
 
Brian nodded slowly, "I'm just so confused as to what’s happening with us. It's making me ill."

Howie placed a hand on his shoulder, "I was just about to go do some shopping. Why don't you come with me?"

Brian groaned a little.

"Come on B; it'll take your mind off of things for a bit. Maybe even make you feel better." Howie warmly smiled.

"Fine; I'll go. Just let me tell Kevin or someone so they don't worry when I'm not around." Brian slowly stood. He just wanted to stick around the hotel and mope a little while longer before he had to put on a happy face for his fans. Deep down he knew Howie was right though. All this would make him feel a little better even if it where only temporary.

Howie nodded and stood also. He then walked quietly inside the hotel with Brian to help him find someone.

"Alex!" Brian called out dully seeing him on the other side of the lobby.

Alex turned to face him. He looked like shit. Brian knew why but now was not the time to confront him.

"Have you seen Kev or... Nick?" He wasn't comfortable telling Alex simply because he feared he was too high to remember to tell anyone.
 
 
He looked Brian over slowly, trying to focus on the question. He swallowed a bit as he search for an answer in his state.
 
"Kev is at the restaurant." He rasped. Howie watched sadly, as the younger man rested his forehead against his palms. He tugged at Brian's sleeve, dragging him in the direction of the hotel restaurant. Brian did his best to keep up with Howie's angry strides.
 
"Hey guys." Kevin smiled as they approached.
 
"Hey Kev, we're just letting someone know we're going shopping." Brian said.
 
For a moment Kevin seemed to choke on his ice water. "You two?"
 
"Yes, what's wrong with that?" Brian was confused.
 
"Brian, you don't shop and no offense but Howie, the only person you ever hang out with is Alex and yourself." Kevin explained to them. The two seemed too opposite of each other in a lot of ways.
 
"Alex is high... again. I'd rather spend time with someone who is gonna remember hanging out with me the next day." Howie sounded hurt still. He had every right to be. His best friend was turning into a big disappointment.
 
"Uh... ok... I can't say I disagree. Alex... well, don't get me started." Kevin now seemed angry too.
 
"Come on D." Brian said and tugged on his arm to leave. Just as they exited the restaurant they ran into Nick.
 
"Hey Bri. I was just trying to find you. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to play some ball."
 
"Sorry Nicky..." Brian began and rubbed the back of his head. He hated telling Nick no. "I'm just not in the mood to play. Plus I already told Howie I'd go shopping with him."
 
Nick froze in shock, "You two?"
 
"Why does everyone keep questioning that?" Brian asked.
 
Nick seemed to think, "Well cause..." He trailed off.
 
"You stay here and think about it, we'll be back later." Howie told him. He patted him on the head and then walked away.
 
Brian smiled at Nick's frustrated look. Nick hated when people patted him on the head.
 
"Catch ya later Nick."
 
Brian walked away after that to catch up with Howie.