Five weeks later: October 14 2001

Emma’s Point of View

We couldn’t have a proper funeral for Joseph, we couldn’t find him in the rubble so we had a memorial service for him. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I did that day. Nick came with me and just held me for the whole service. It was so comforting having him there. It was like the whole world’s problems had gone for an hour. We hadn’t talked about the whole David issue and me quitting the ballet but to be honest, I wasn’t missing it at all. The early mornings and the late nights were spent doing more important things and spending time with people who actually cared.

Nick was struggling with getting through everything and he found the fact that the boys wanted to take a break quite daunting because he just wanted to keep going with the band, despite the fact he was putting together his solo album.

After all the funerals and memorial services had been finished, Nick decided he’d take me away for a few days. We’d go on a road trip to Florida so I could meet his family and just have a bit of time away from everything.

We were going to leave New York on the 18th October and come back on about the 28th of October. I was staying at Nick’s after Joseph’s funeral because I just couldn’t stand being at home. Fraser had come home from England for the funeral and Aden drove all the way from LA. It was the first time we had all been home in about three years but just without Joseph, which was really upsetting because he was the one that held us all together when Mum and Dad died.

I had spent so much time sleeping since Joey’s funeral five weeks ago. I didn’t want anything to do with the world. I hadn’t felt this down in ages, probaby since the incident with David.

I was just napping when Nick got under the doona and snuggled up next to me and whispered in my ear, “Sweetheart, we need to talk.”
“I’m sleeping.” I groaned.

“We can’t leave this whole Ballet issue hanging.”

“I told you what happened and why I quit so can we drop it?”
“No, Em we need to discuss this. Ballet was your life.”
“Was is the key word in that sentence Nickolas. I don’t want to dance anymore okay? I’ll go to TAFE or something and get a diploma.”

“Emma.”

“Go away.”

Nick sighed and I felt him leave the bed. I could hear him talking on the phone in the next room.

“Brian, I need help. Emma has just completely shut down. Yes I know she’s greaving but this just doesn’t seem like the right way to do it. Brian, who’s side are you on? I have just never been in this situation before. I love her Brian, more than I have ever loved anyone. She is perfect but she is hurting herself and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to her. We’re off to Florida in two days and I don’t want this hanging over our heads. I want it to be relaxing. Alright, I’ll do that. See you man, say hi to Leighanne for me.”

I rolled out of bed when I heard the click of Nick hanging up I was dressed in just a pair of black underwear and a t-shirt of Nick’s. I went into the next room where he was just facing a wall, away from me, with his head in his hands. I got down on my hands and knees and quietly crawled over to where he was without him noticing and I wrapped my arms around him. I kissed his neck and whispered in his ear.

“I’m sorry about what I said before. I’m just not used to opening up to people and I’ve never had to talk about the whole David incident.”
“It’s fine baby.”
“I just heard you talking to Brian. It’s not fine. Look, I want to go back to Ballet but I can’t. I don’t feel safe there.”
“Why don’t you try out for the Houston Ballet? Surely after being a principal dancer at the New York Ballet you’d get in there.”
“It doesn’t quite work like that sweetheart.”
“Why don’t you do the last bit of the Black and Blue tour with the boys and I?”
“I wouldn’t know all the moves and I’m not a dancer like what you have on the tour. I’ve only done ballet and contempoary.”
“That’s fine. We won’t use you in those parts, but there are parts where we have wanted a ballerina. For the slower more approprite songs. Please baby? We’ll pay you.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll do it for you.”
“No, I’ll make sure you get paid.”
“Where are you going for the next part of the tour?”
“Germany and Japan.”
“Oh okay. That’d be incredible. But discuss it with the boys because I don’t want to intrude and not be wanted on the tour”
“The boys love you baby but I’ll tell them you said yes. It was actually Brian’s suggestion that you come on tour. The boys want to watch you dance.”
“Have I ever shown you my dancing Nicky?” I asked before I kissed his cheek. He was still facing the wall and not me.

“No you haven’t baby but I’d love to watch you.”

“Well why don’t I go home and get some of my dance things and I’ll take you to the studio and show you.”
“Are you ready to do that though?”
“What time is it?” I asked.

“About four in the afternoon.”
“There won’t be anyone in there. Come on.” I smiled, getting up then Nick turned around and got up. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly.

“You know I love you to pieces Em?”
“I know and I love you too. You have been so sweet to me this past month. I have never felt this loved before.”
“Neither have I. Come on baby let’s go.”

I went back into Nick’s room and grabbed my trackpants out of his wardrobe where I had left them and put them on and Nick and I went next door so I could change into my dance gear. I heard Nick talking to Fraser and Phil in the other room while I changed into a black singlet and a pair of leggings. I packed my old dance bag with a pair of pointe shoes and my soft shoes and all my things- bandaids for my toes, toe pads and foot tape. I put some music in my bag and I tied my hair back into a bun and went out into the kitchen where Nick was.

“Come on, let’s go.” I told him before he said goodbye to my brothers and we went out to his car next door.

I directed Nick to the ballet studio where I used to reherse when I was with the New York Ballet. There was one other car parked in the carpark for the dancers. I remembed the car, it was a silver Toyota. I swore under my breath and breathed deeply.

“Baby are you okay?”
“I’m fine” I said through gritted teeth.

We got out of the car and we made our way into the studio. It was deserted but I was still worried because that other car in the parking lot was David’s.

I went over to the CD player and put a CD in and told Nick to sit next to the player and wait while I put my pointe shoes on. The feeling of the ribbon on my ankles felt so different. I guess after not dancing for a month it doesn’t feel second nature anymore.

I quickly prepared my shoes then looked over at Nick and he started the music. I breathed deeply and began to dance. I looked over at Nick as I went through the steps of one of the dances I knew so well. The smile on his face was huge and he looked so amazed. I have to admit it did feel good dancing again and knowing that the person who was watching appreciated it.

I lost track of time as I danced, the music stopped but I just kept dancing. I was in the middle of a Pirouette when I heard the door of the studio open and I stopped, losing my balance and falling. I looked over at the door and saw David standing there.

“Emma, what are you doing here?”
“It’s not of your business David. I’m still allowed to use the studio.”

“I wasn’t saying you couldn’t. Why did you quit?” he asked.

“I’m not telling you.”

I looked over at Nick who was now fuming. He realised that this was David.

“Emma, can I talk to you outside about this?” David asked.

“No. I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Listen mate, you need to leave. She obviously feels uncomforable with you around.”
David walked over to me and sat next to me and ran his fingers across my jaw line. I tried to move away to Nick and he grabbed my hand.

“If she felt uncomfortable she’d tell me. Wouldn’t you baby?” he said.

I started to feel tears well up in my eyes. Nick pulled David’s hand off mine and picked me up off the floor.

“LEAVE DAVID other wise I will tell the cops what you did to Emma.”
“She wouldn’t tell you what really happened because she knows she wanted it and she’s too ashamed to tell you that.”

“I never wanted what you did to me. I have never been able to trust you since then. I hate you touching me. LEAVE.” I exclaimed.

David got up and walked to the studio door and turned around.

“THIS ISN’T OVER EMMA! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.”

Nick’s Point of View

You have no idea how much self control that just took not to absolutely bash the hell out of David when he walked into the studio. I should have known something bad was going to happen. I packed up Emma’s things once David left the studio. Emma was now sitting against the mirror, in tears. I picked her up from the floor in a bridal carry and carried her out to the car.

 When I put her into the car, I saw David standing by his car. He came over to me when I closed the passenger side of the car.

“Listen, whatever Emma told you isn’t true.”

“Well from what I’ve heard, it is true. She’d never lie to me.”
“She’s a lying manipulative bitch. Haven’t her brothers told you that?”
“You’re going to get hurt in a minute. Shut up and leave.”

He swung at me, I recoiled and hit him square in the face.

“NICK! STOP!” Emma called from inside the car.

“If you ever come near her again, I swear to God you’ll get it worse from me next time.” I exclaimed before I got in the car and shut my door. Emma was in hysterics.

Emma’s Point of View

I was so furious at David. He knows how to ruin everything. I felt so touched that Nick would stand up for me like that but I was scared of the repercussions of Nick punching David. As we drove home, I was sobbing that I didn’t notice that we pulled up at the Police Station. Nick came around to my door and took my hand and I stepped out of the car.

“Nick, I can’t do this.”
“You have to, otherwise he’ll never leave you alone and I don’t want you getting hurt. Take my hand and we’ll be fine. I promise.”
I sighed and walked into the police station with Nick.