I kinda get why Jasey started her self-harm. She was bullied most of year 8 and year 10. I didn’t really know how to help her with that. I never really didn’t understand why girls bully each other. Calling each other names and just being complete bitches towards Jasey. Then her family life got complicated, with her father losing his job and starting to drink. That was really scary. He was a mean drunk, very violent towards Jasey and her Mum. She told me about it because she couldn’t take it anymore. I was scared for her life. I just wanted to get her away from that man but she didn’t want that so I threaten to call the cops on him which caused him to get himself checked into a hospital. Then everything was sweet for most of it. She must have started with the bullying then again with her father. SHIT! Now I see, and I didn’t do anything to help her. She was afraid, scared and alone, the only way out was for her to cut.
I was sitting in the boy’s locker room, which was empty thank the lord, with a razor blade in my hand, which I had stolen from the art rooms. I looked down at my wrist; I rubbed the razor blade softly across my skin. It left a small line, not really a scar. This isn’t the place for me to cut, if I am going to. I sighed. Why am I doing this? Why do I want to start this, when I want to help Jasey stop her cutting? I looked down at my leg and the razor blade in my hand. I rolled up my pants so you could see my boxers. I pulled them up, I pressed the razor blade to my skin, bitting down on my lip as I cut. I let out a sigh, running my bloody fingers through my hair. I pressed again this time harder. This time I couldn’t hold in my screams. FUCK, escaped my mouth, tears streaming down face. Okay that hurt. Why does she do this to herself, it’s so fucking painful. Why would someone what to cause themselves more pain when their life is already shit? I really don’t understand why Jasey would want to harm herself. Couldn’t she just drink away the pain? Oh I get it know. She tried the drinking but because of the way her father acted this was the only other way.
“Alex?” I heard my name. I quickly pulled down my pants and washed my hands of the blood and wiped away my tears. Rian poked his head around the corner.
“Yeah” I smiled trying my best to act like nothing happened. Just play it cool Gaskarth, you haven’t done anything wrong. Just act casual. Don’t do anything stupid Gaskarth, just stay still and smile.
“I heard swearing” he said slowly walking towards me. I laughed. I can play this one. I bit down on my lip grinning. I put my hands in the back of my pocket.
“Oh, yeah that was just me closing the locker door on my fingers” I smiled he nodded, but his eyes locked on the seat. I looked back to see the razor blade and a pool of blood. SHIT! How did I miss that? How could I be so careless? I gulped. This isn’t good. Please Rian don’t do this, just let me go.
“Alex?” he asked walking towards me, again. I smiled, I’m stuck, and there is no way out of this. What am I going to do? I bit down on my lip, forcing a smile on my face. Rian sighed shaking his head. He just walked away with his hands on his head. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank god for that. He must have known that I wasn’t going to tell him anything. I quickly cleaned up the mess I had made. I went into the change rooms to see if the bleeding had stop. And thank god the bleeding had stopped and now I have 3 scars of where I cut. Now what lie am I going to tell, if anyone see them? I started to make my way out of the locker room, before I could get anywhere else I was attacked by a pair of arms. Oh god, please don’t be Stella. I’m really not in the mood for her right now.
“Why, why would you do something like that?” I heard her sob in my arms. I knew that voice. I will never forget that voice. It’s my angel’s voice. I smiled as I looked down to see Jasey crying. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. What could have her in this state?
“What are you talking about sweetie?” I asked. She looked up at me, bitting down on her lip. I wiped away her tears with my thumb.
“Why did you start cutting?” she asked, burring her head in my chest. I sighed kissing the top of her head. Why did Rian have to go tell her? I get that he is worried about me but telling Jasey really? Maybe he was trying to get us back together or something.
“Because I couldn’t see, I was blind to your pain, to your sorrow. I’m so sorry that I didn’t do anything to help you” I said as tears started to fall down my cheek. She popped her head up, smiling. She is just so cute. God, I am in love with her. I can’t believe I just admitted that to myself. I smiled down at her. She raised an eye brow at me, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her before leaning in and kissing her lips softly.
“Alex…” she started to say but I wouldn’t hear it. I just pressed my lips to hers again. This time she kissed me back. I grinned in our kiss. We pulled out of the kiss breathless. She was grinning happily.
“I’m sorry, you were right, and I love you” I whispered in her ear.
“I’m sorry, you were right and I love you too” she whispered back.
