I could feel his eyes on me every time he was near. It didn’t matter who he was talking to, he still looked at me. I had no idea what to do.
Part of me wanted to run to the door, get into my car and leave everything behind. But the prouder part of me was winning. I was going to finish this and not let him get to me once again.
Since guests had just finished dinner, I decided now was a good time to have my own. The reception had turned into a party with guests dancing and the ones in the tables and lounge areas were talking and having a good time. Just like the couple wanted.
I made my way to the kitchen of the house, carrying a plate of chicken salad from the caterers to eat in privacy. As I was seating alone enjoying my dinner, I hear the sound of footsteps behind me. Thinking is one of the caterers I just continue eating.
“You still save the chicken for the end.”
My fork dropped to the plate when his voice startled me.
“Some things will never change. Sure, you’re Anna Martin now, instead of Anna Maria Martinez. You still use the same shampoo; you still wear the small key pendant I gave you a long time ago. You still touch your hair when you’re nervous, just like you’re doing now.”
My hand dropped from the lock of hair I was stroking. He sat in the chair opposite of mine. But I was looking at my plate, determined to not look into his eyes.
“Anna, I don't know how things got this way. I never meant for us to grow apart! Why did you stop contacting me?"
I kept looking at down at my plate, thinking what do I say to make him stop talking to me.
"I've been looking for you the past few months. But you moved, you changed your phone number and no one I asked knew anything about you! Why? Why did you do that?”
"Howie, let's just forget about everything..."
"No! I want to know why you did it!"
I took a deep breath and looked at his eyes. "I wanna know something first, and I want the truth."
"Ok, what is it?"
"Tell me what's really happening with Leigh."
He was about to say something, but closed his mouth and lowered his head.
"I know you Howie, and I came to know her! I don't believe that about James, and I just know she'd be here clinging to you. So tell me, what's happening?"
"We've been separated for 4 months. I've been living at my old condo because we seem to fight over every stupid thing! At first I thought it was stress from me being on tour while she stayed home with James, I was even blaming myself, but then I got back, and she went on tour with me and it didn't stop. Then she started to get suspicious of everything I did. If I was late getting home she would start fighting, it didn't matter that I was buying milk. The same if I got to the hotel later than the other guys. Last fight we had was because I told her I couldn't find you. I just... left!"
So that's why he was looking for me! Just like always, he needed me, so he looked for me, otherwise I didn't exist.
"Howie, you were looking for me when things were bad in your life. But did you look for me when James was born? Tell me, did you try to find me to tell me I was going to be Godmother when you baptized him, just like you always promised? You didn't!" I was to the point of screaming, but I was controlling myself.
"The months before your wedding we spend a lot of time together and I suppose Leigh didn't like that. The day of your wedding, I couldn't get to church like I wanted, but I had told you I probably wouldn't. I did get to the reception, but I couldn't get in, turns out I wasn't on the guest list!"
"What! Of course you were!" The surprise in his eyes was real. But I already knew he'd have no idea about that.
"The usher you had at the door let me know that, then security was flanking me and the wedding planner was giving me an envelope addressed to me. It was a letter from Leigh. Telling me she knew my secret and my intentions. According to her, I was in love with you and obviously how pathetic I was to even think you would go for me. How she wasn't going to let me ruin your lives together, among other things."
I stood up and started putting the plate away. But he was there holding his head in his hands, shaking his head in denial. I knew he wouldn't believe me.
"So I turned around and I was escorted to my car by security. The next week I changed my phone number, so you wouldn't find me if you called. After all, I couldn't ruin your lives together. I sent you emails to your private email, but you never answered so I think you never got them. I couldn't find you on facebook like before. Until I stopped trying to reach you."
I walked to the door of the kitchen. As much as I wanted to comfort him, I wouldn't. It was time for him to see everything that happened around him and he never noticed.
"Howie, I did everything I could to not loose you. I did my part as your best friend, but you didn't. I was happy for you, believe me I've always been. Because, you finally found what you wanted. But you have to understand something I did a long time ago. I don't belong in your life anymore."
I turned away from him and made my way to the party. At the entrance I stopped and took a few deep breaths. Only a few more hours and this battle would be over.
Chapter End Notes:
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