One hour. Only one hour left and I won’t see him again.
Now I just needed to find the Groom and bring him to the dance floor for the last dance. And keep evading Howie in the process.
After I got out of the kitchen, he must have spent a long time hidden there. But now that he was talking with Mr. Grant at his table, I could tell his mind wasn’t there. His face was somber, his eyes were fixed at the man in front of him, but you could see he was looking at something beyond that. I was trying my hardest not to cross his line of vision.
As I found the Groom and directed him to the Bride’s side, I signaled the DJ to play the selected song. Even when I knew which song was going to be played, it still didn’t stop my reaction to it. The all too familiar chords would always make my heart beat faster and transport me back in time.
Do you hear me, I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
And just like every time I hear it, I ask myself when will I stop reacting to it, it’s just a song…
“Dance with me.” I was startled to hear him whisper in my ear while his hand grasped mine. He was trying to move me to the dance floor.
Boy, I hear you in my dreams
I hear your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
“No!” I was trying my hardest not to move. God, not this song!
“You don’t want people see you rejecting me, and Marissa is looking at you!” Frustrated, I let him lead me to the dance floor. It’s just a song.
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
oooh, oooh, oooh
It’s just a song. It’ll end soon enough, it’s actually a short one.
“Will you look at me instead of over my shoulder?”
I looked into his eyes with what I hoped passed as a bored look. “Happy?”
“When you see me after everyone leaves this place, just the two of us, I’ll be more than happy.”
“No”
“For God’s sake Anna, I just want to talk with you!”
“But I don’t. This has to stop Howie. Please, por el amor de Dios, ya basta!”
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I wait for you I promise you, I will
“I won’t stop Anna, not until we set all this straight”
“There’s no need for that! It’s too late for that!”
“Oh no! I’m not stepping back.”
“This time, I need you to disappear from my life, and not come back!”
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
L ucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
“The first time I purposely stepped back from you was that night at the beach condo for your birthday. It was just the two of us, like you wanted your night to be. You were wearing a white dress and a lot of bangles in your arms. Your hair was so long, almost reaching your waist. I told you how you looked like a gypsy, and you started dancing like one. But you took my hands and you made me dance with you…”
“And we danced, and after those 3 days together, you went on tour and met your wife. Meaning that was the beginning of the end for us.”
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I put a flower in your hair
“And that was my fault. Because dancing with you, having you in my arms, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss you. And when you put your arms around my neck and rested your head on my shoulder, I wanted to taste you even more.”
“Howie stop…”
“No Anna, I listened to you, now you listen to me.”
“Ok well, why didn’t you do it?”
“Because I was scared, I kept thinking how I was too drunk, how I couldn’t just kiss my best friend out of the blue without any indication she wanted the same thing...”
“For God’s sake Howie, me insisting on spending my birthday with you and no one else wasn’t enough indication that I wanted you? I wanted you to do something! I didn’t seduce you, but I was trying to make you see me and no one else. And just like always Howie, you thought about you, but not about me! I was so damn shy and self conscious, and you knew that. Why didn’t you at least try?”
“I was planning it, after the tour I was going to tell you my feelings for you had changed. But then I met Leigh, and I took it as a sign…”
“A sign I wasn’t the one for you? That’s just… I don’t even have words for that!
And though the breeze is through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
Let the world keep spinning round
You hold me right here right now
“Howie, did you ever… Did you ever want me as a woman? Not like that night, did you ever felt any desire for me, or imagined us living together, being together in the future? Did you ever truly felt for me, what you felt for Leigh when you decided to marry her?”
“I felt for you more than you imagine.”
“But clearly it wasn’t enough, or you would have acted on those feeling. I had no idea what to do with mine, so I did the next best thing, I clung to you. I could see nothing else but you, that’s why I stayed by your side until the most painful moment, the day you were marrying someone else. I fucking loved you with everything I had Howie, until I had nothing left even to love myself. And now it just angers me that you never noticed. I gave, you took, and gave me nothing back! And now once again, you see me out of the blue and you come to me like nothing happened. Will I ever stop being the second option?”
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
“Anna, Will you let me tell you I love you? Why can’t you forget everything that happened and give me a second chance? You know what, don’t answer me, I’ll find out!”
With that said he kissed me. Just like that, and as much as I tried to break away, he just held me tighter. Until the weak side of me won the battle, the side that’s thinking this will be the last time I see him so I might as well have a taste of what I always wanted.
But it’s not enough.
As I slowly pushed him back, I lowered my head and tried to release my hands from his.
“You still don’t know how to lie, Anna! You love me!”
Bastard!
“You’re right. That’s how you know I’m not lying when I say this doesn’t change anything.”
I turned away from him and all the stares before he had a chance to say anything.
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Are you happy now Anna? All night you’ve been faking to be the strongest, when all you are is even weaker than before! You had you kiss, but at what cost? He’ll never be yours!
He’ll never be mine.
Chapter End Notes:
Sorry for taking so long! I hope you still like it, more coming soon!
