Chapter 12

            All through the VIP Meet and Greet and sound check party, AJ is happy.  Very happy.  And everyone notices.  When it's time for questions and answers, one of the fans asks AJ about his jubilant mood.  What he says makes my heart pound.  "Last night a very important person came back into my life and brought me something I never knew I was missing.  I'm excited and for the first time, I'm really, really happy."

            Everyone cheers, including Nick, Brian and Howie.  Susan elbows me and when I look at her, she says, "You didn't!"

            I blush and say, "No, not yet."

            She says, "But you're going to?"

            I glance at AJ to find him watching me and I say, "Oh yeah."

            After the sound check, the guys disappear.  Susan and I wander around and somehow end up outside by the buses again.  Thankfully, the fans are no longer hanging around.  Once we're alone, she says, "OK, spill it."

            I say, "Suze, it's like the last 15 years didn't happen."

            She says, "And?"

            I say, "Tonight, I won't be coming back to our room."

            She says, "You're so fucking predictable.  Have you told him you love him?"

            I say, "Susan, I don't know if I love him.  Not LOVE love him anyway."

            She says, "Hey, how long have I known you?"

            I say, "Forever."

            She says, "Then trust me.  You, my friend, are in love with AJ McLean."

            I roll my eyes but before I can say anything, my phone rings.  When I see it's Ella's school, my stomach clenches.  I answer it to find it's Ella's cheerleading coach.  I say, "Hello Coach Lee is everything ok?"

            She says, "Please, call me Jennifer, and yes, everything's ok.  We just had a little mishap at school.  Ella's got a sprained wrist.  We took her and had her checked out to make sure it's not broken.  She's fine."

            I say, "What happened?"

            She says, "We had an assembly today and the girls were doing a pyramid.  They lost their balance and Ella fell on her arm.  I promise you that she's perfectly fine.  They put a brace on it and she's only going to miss a week or two of cheering."

            I say, "Please tell me she's not practicing."

            Coach Lee laughs and says, "I wish I could.  She's not tumbling, but she's here.  I'm sorry, I know she's not going to get hurt, but now that she's under a doctor's order, she really shouldn't be here."

            I say, "I'll take care of it Jennifer.  Thank you for calling me."

            When I hang up, Susan says, "What?"

            I say, "Ella's trying to drive me crazy.  She sprained her wrist and they took her to a doctor.  She's not supposed to be practicing or cheering for a week or two and she is anyway."

            Susan says, "Sounds like Miss Stubborn."

            I say, "Yeah, except if she gets hurt while under a doctor's care, the school isn't liable, I am, and she'll get kicked off the squad."

            She says, "Well, then I'll just step inside while you call and let her have it."

            I slide down to the ground against the wall by the door and call Ella's cell phone.  When she answers it, I say, "Just what do you think you're doing?"

            She says, "Mom, I'm fine."

            I say, "I know you feel fine, but the doctor said no practice.  Ella, if you get hurt again, you'll be off the squad.  You can't practice or cheer until you're released.  Do you get it?"

            She says, "Yeah, but I'm not tumbling."

            I say, "You don't do anything, Ella. You call Linda to pick you up. Now."

            She says, "But Mom..."

            I say, "Would you like to talk about how long you'll be grounded if you don't?"

            She sighs and says, "No. I'm sorry Mom."

            I say, "Ella, I understand.  I do.  But you have to do what the doctor says."

            She says, "OK.  I'll call Linda."

            I say, "Thank you. Call me when you get to Linda's.  The concert won't start until 7:30."

            She says, "I will.  But we won't get there till after she picks up Jamie."

            I say, "That's fine Ella.  Just call when you get there."  When she doesn't say anything, I say, "Ella, are you ok?"

            She says, "Yeah.  I'll talk to you about it when you get home.  How's it going there?"

            I say, "Great.  AJ's excited to meet you.  So is his mom."

            She seems excited about that news.  She says, "That's awesome Mom. Can I tell anyone yet?"

            I say, "Maybe you should wait till you meet him."

            She sighs and says, "I guess."

            AJ comes through the door and slides down to the ground beside me, taking my hand.  I say, "Ella, tell me what's wrong."  He squeezes my hand and I look up at him, seeing concern in his eyes.  I lean closer to him and kiss him gently before turning my attention back to Ella.

            She says, "The first concert is Halloween weekend.  It's at the school and there's a dance after it."

            I say, "OK, what else?"

            She says, "Well, it's, uh, it's a Father-Daughter dance."

            I smile and say, "And you'd like a date?"  I turn to see AJ's eyes widen and I pull my hand from his, covering his mouth so he won't say anything.  I say "Ella?"

            She says, "Well, yeah, I kind of would."

            I say, "I'll work on it if you promise to call Linda and do exactly what the doctor said."

            She says, "I will.  Thanks Mom."

            I say, "You're welcome.  And Ella, when I get home we're going to talk about whatever else is bothering you, ok?"

            She says, "OK.  I love you, Mom."

            I say, "I love you too. Call me when you get to Linda's."

            After I hang up, AJ says, "Doctor?  What happened?"

            I say, "She sprained her wrist at school. She'll be fine."

            He says "Date?"

            I say, "Are you busy Halloween weekend?"

            He says, "Actually, no.  Brian and Howie want to be off to trick or treat with their kids, why?"

            I say, "Ella wants to ask you to be her date to a Father-Daughter dance."

            The look on his face is a look of sheer joy mixed with sheer terror.  He says "Really?"

            I say, "Really.  AJ, she wants you in her life.  She wants you to be a part of it. So do I."  I lay my head on his shoulder and say, "I want you to be part of both of our lives."

            He says, "I want that too."

            I say, "She's anxious to tell her friends about you."

            He says, "I'm anxious to tell the world, but I think I need to meet her first."

            I say, "That's why I told her to wait.  I hope we can make it soon."  I can't hide the worry in my voice.

            He says, "What's wrong?"

            I say, "Just something she said the first day of school.  High school boys can be cruel in their teasing.  She's always been teased about being smart, but now, one boy started teasing her about not having a dad.  I'm afraid he's not backing off, even though I've been to the principal and spoken to his parents."

            He says "Dammit, she shouldn't be going through that.  I should be there to protect her."

            I say "AJ...it's not about protecting her.  She doesn't want you there to stop the teasing.  She wants you there because she wants her dad.  She wants your love.  This is all my fault.  I shouldn't have given up."

            He kisses my head and says "Stop it right now.  This isn't your fault.  I'll work out my schedule and get there as soon as I can Baby.  I promise."

            I say, "I'd love that AJ.  So would Ella.  I hope it can be a weekend so she won't have school and I won't have to work."

            He says, "I'll try Baby.  Can't you take time off?"

            I say, "I don't know. My boss is great, but I've only had this job about a month.  And with Ella in cheer leading and this trip to New York coming up, the money will be helpful."

            He says "Dottie, the last thing in the world you or Ella has to worry about now is money.  I'm going to take care of you."

            I say, "AJ that is not why I told you about Ella.  I don't expect you to take care of me."

            He says, "Don't you think I know that?  If you were a gold digger, you'd have had me in a paternity suit 14 years ago.  I know it's not about money.  I want to take care of you both.  Now, what is this trip?"

            I say, "The band is marching in the Macy's parade and the cheerleaders are supposed to perform with them.  She wants me to chaperone."

            He says, "Then you will.  Can I go with you?"

            I say, "I'd love that.  I'm sure Ella would.  But it's only a two day trip."

            He says, "No, for my girls, it will be for the weekend.  It will be something you'll never forget."

            I say, "AJ, if you're there, I have no doubt it will be incredible.  But what about your tour?"

            He says "Are you kidding?  Howie and Brian would freak if they scheduled concerts over holidays."

            I say "AJ, thank you."

            He says "You don't have to do that."

            I say, "No, thank you for listening to me.  For believing me. For wanting to be part of Ella's life.  That means so much to me."

            He says, "Hey, Beautiful, I want to be part of your life too. Don't forget that."

            He kisses me tenderly, and then hugs me close.  I lay my head on his shoulder and just snuggle close to him, enjoying how it feels to be in his arms.  Breaking the silence, he says "Can I ask you something?"

            I say, "Sure, anything."

            He says, "In Ella's letter, she said she quit asking about me because you cried yourself to sleep.  Why?"

            I push away from him and stand up.  Answering this question could open my heart up to a world of pain.  He stands up and grabs my hand and says, "Hey, I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me."

            I say, "No, it's ok.  Part of the reason was it broke my heart that I couldn't give her what she wanted.  She wanted you in her life so badly when she was little."

            I see the grimace of pain on his face and I put my hand on his cheek.  He turns his head to kiss my palm then says "What else?"

            I say, "I missed you AJ.  I missed you so much."

            Pressing his forehead against mine, he whispers, "I missed you too, Love."