It was at that moment the scenery changed. How, he couldn’t say. The experience was hard for anyone to describe. The woman was right next to him, placed her hand on his shoulder. Everything became a quick blur. People passed by them at warp speed. He tried to pick out specific sights of places but it was impossible way the way everything ran together around him. Nick felt dizzy and knew if he was in his body, he’d be throwing up by now.
And then, everything stopped.
Grace was standing in front of him now as he tried to reorient himself. He looked down at himself and tried to touch someone walking by. He shuddered as his hand went right through her. Still no luck, so whatever was going on, was still happening. He glanced around, taking in the stark white walls, the bustle of activity. There were plenty of people walking around, walking through him, which was unnerving, being part of them even if only for a moment.
“Don’t stand around staring at everything.” She smirked.
“Where are we?”
“At a hospital, where did you think we were at? A morgue? You ain’t dead…yet.”
“Yet…” He repeated lowly, following her down the hall. “And besides I knew we’re at a hospital, what I meant was which one.”
“Does that really matter?”
“Whatever. So what are we doing here?”
Grace turned back towards him, a hand on her hip as she stared at him with a raised brow. His first thought was that for an angel, which is what he assumed she was after she called herself a “guardian”, she had a lot of attitude. That’s even if he really believed all this. He still wasn’t sure on that part. It all felt like something out of a nightmare. He could still awake up. He then wondered if she heard that thought.
“I did, and I do, and we’re here to see you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because. Just trust me on this. You need to see this; He wants you to see this. Maybe it’ll start driving the point home.”
He walked behind her, albeit quite unwillingly. “You keep mentioning Him, what if I don’t even fucking believe in God? What then?! Will I wake up from this nightmare? Will all this shit stop?”
She sighed, stopping again. “No, I just would find it sad, because you know what? He believes in you.”
“Whatever.”
“I swear, you’re practically hopeless.”
She started walking down the hallway, without even a glance back at him. It was like she knew he was compelled to follow despite himself. He sighed as he glanced around. While there were many people up and about, most of them were either in white coats or scrubs, all hurriedly working to help people. He wondered then who was there to help him. All Nick wanted right then was to wake up from this nightmare, and have a drink. He craved one, something to escape the madness.
I may be fucked up, but I like it that way.
“Nick, in here.” Grace called, bringing him out of his thoughts. She stood in the doorway, motioning for him to enter. He walked in ahead of her, and despite his attempt to ready himself, chills still ran through him at the sight before him.
It felt eerie, staring down at himself. His eyes were shut tight, his face black and blue, and a variety of cuts littered his cheeks. His arm was in a cast, and he was hooked up to various machines, each beeping steadily. He waved his hand in front of the face of his body. No movement, no sign of life at all. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact he was breathing and the machines were still functioning; Nick would’ve thought he was dead. He glanced back at Grace who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. He wished he knew how she did that, going through things had gotten old rather quickly.
“Not a pretty picture is it?”
He stared back down at himself. “How long have I been in here?”
She shrugged. “About two days, I had us pass time a bit.”
“Two days?!”
“You’re in a coma; remember your dumbass is lucky to be alive. So no bitching okay?” Grace suddenly jerked as if with pain, before glancing up at the ceiling with annoyance. “Okay, okay, no cursing.” Her gaze went back to Nick. “Big guy isn’t a fan of the foul language.”
“Okay…” It was all a bit too weird for him still. He sighed, watching himself.
“Visiting hours are over in case you’re wondering why no one’s here to visit you. I didn’t want you trying to walk through your band mates or something.”
“Like they’d visit.”
She stepped in front of Nick, eyes flashing unnaturally. “Are you kidding me? They’ve all been by, Kevin’s practically lived here. Just because you’ve got major issues, it doesn’t mean people don’t care about you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
Nick turned away from her then, refocusing back on himself. He knew she was wrong; he didn’t care what she was. And how did he know she was what she said she was? She could be anything, an alien, a demon, anything! His life wasn’t screwed up, he liked it. Nick didn’t care if Brian never called unless he thought he was fucking up. Nick didn’t care if his family ignored him unless there was a camera or radio DJ within hearing or viewing distance. Or that his mother continued to try and use him as her personal ATM. He was Nick Carter, and he had it all.
I don’t need help, I’m fine. I’m happy.
“Keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you’ll actually believe it.”
“I do believe it!”
At this point, Grace looked like she was ready to scream. He was sure if she was alive, or human, that she’d be red with fury by that point. As it was, she seemed to possess a lack of control when it came to her emotions. It was something he could definitely relate to.
“Do you know why you’re here Nick?”
“Why I’m in…”
“The hospital, yes. Do you know why? Answer me.”
“Because I screwed up, and because you scared the shit outta me!”
“No, you would’ve ended up here either way, I just made it worse. By mistake. Anyways, look…you’re here because you need help. If you don’t at least try to hear what I’m saying, you’re going to die.”
Nick sighed. “Well, if I die, I know I don’t just go poof. So it’s all good. Ain’t you proof of that?”
“Okay, that’s it.” She appeared on the other side of the bed, grabbing his arm. How he was able to feel the grip she had, he had no idea. But felt it he did, and she had a really tight grip.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going on a little field trip.”
“Where are we-“he started, but was cut off by the fact everything seemed to be rushing by yet again. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t focus on much of anything. It all seemed to be going by too fast. He felt compressed, shoved together even though he wasn’t much to begin with. Finally, everything slowed to a stop once again. He lurched forward, grimacing.
“This shit is worse than roller coaster.”
“I thought you liked roller coasters.”
“I do, but this? No.” Nick looked around again, taking in his surroundings. He could see Grace and the light surrounded her just out of the corner of his eye. The little knick knacks, the homey feeling in the place, and platinum record plaques along the wall, it didn’t take him long to recognize the place. They had gone to Brian’s condo that he kept for when they did their LA recording sessions.
“Why we even here? Brian’s supposed to fly back home tonight for the weekend.”
She rolled her eyes, holding out her hand towards the hallway. “Just trust me.”
“Easier said than done,” he muttered before doing as he was told. A voice caught his attention.
“Yes, hi, my name is Brian Littrell…they said I had to talk to you… Well frankly, I don’t care if you’re sick of me calling; I’m calling to find out if the status of Nickolas Carter has changed.” A pause. “Nothing. But what about…So those abnormal readings…” A sigh. “Thank you very much.”
Nick crept forward towards Brian’s voice as he heard him hang up. “Thanks for nothing.”
He watched Brian run his hands tiredly through his hair. He looked like he hadn’t slept once since the accident, and a wave of guilt washed through Nick. Had he caused Brian to panic like this? Why? It broke his heart as he watched Brian dial a new number, one that shouldn’t have surprised him, yet did.
“Hey Kev, yeah, no change. I’m going in to see him tomorrow.” Brian rolled his eyes at whatever Kevin said on the other end of the line. “I’m getting sleep. I’ll see you there. Bye.”
“Liar…” Nick whispered, forgetting Brian couldn’t hear him. Their friendship had been broken for years now, he knew that, even tried to accept it. Why would Brian be so worried like this? His mind flashed back to happier times with him, when they really were “Frick and Frack”. He missed that more than he ever wanted to admit. Nick even tried to replace him, though every attempt failed.
“Your friendship is damaged, not gone.” Grace said from behind him. “You just have to reach out and fix it.”
“I can’t believe he’s that worried about me.”
“Leighanne’s flying out tomorrow with Baylee; they’re worried about you too. Brian kept telling her not to come, that it’ll be okay, but she stopped believing him.”
Nick stared at her with an expression of pure disbelief. “Yoko?”
“Oh my God Nick let it go. You two had issues, but she still cares and so do you.”
“She hates me, and got Brian to feel the same way.” He muttered.
“You really are blind.” She walked forward, picking up a picture from off a shelf. She handed it to him, and surprisingly he was able to hold it. “Stop marveling at the fact I’m letting you touch something and look at it.”
A smile appeared. It was an old photo, back from their beginning days when Nick still was the shortest member of the group. He was on Brian’s back and laughing while Kevin was giving them what Nick liked to call the “dirty brow” – that disapproving look he’d become famous for. Everything was simpler then, easier. He couldn’t believe Brian still had this; he’d lost his own copy of the photo years before. Nick looked back over at the man he used to call his best friend. He was sitting over in the armchair now, staring at the TV but not really watching.
“I just can’t believe Brian…cares so much.”
“Just remember that when you say you don’t care if you die.”
Nick raised a brow though his eyes remained focused on his friend. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, that even if your spirit does live on, you’re leaving them behind. AJ, Howie, Kevin, they’re all just as upset as Brian about this. Even your siblings, your parents, not to mention all your fans. Just think of how bad it’ll screw everyone up if you manage to get yourself killed. Even if you don’t care, even if you’d rather have it end – which I already know you don’t, think of how it’ll hurt them. Stop being so selfish!”
“I’m not being selfish, it’s my life.”
“And aren’t you sick of it? Let me tell you something, I’d give anything…” Finally he glanced back towards her, and was surprised to see her looking downwards, her eyes melancholy, yet beautiful. “I’d give anything to be alive again. To feel, to touch…Heaven’s great and all, but living, living is the best.”
He stared at her, licking his lips as he thought her words over.
“You don’t have to say anything now. It’s time for you to wake up, and come back to reality. Which FYI, I’m granting you one freebie. They didn’t find that shit you took in your system, just the alcohol. I need you out of jail Nickolas. But if you fu-screw up again like that, I’m letting you deal with all of it.”
Nick smiled at the thought of actually waking up, of the guys caring, at the idea that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone as he always felt. Could Grace be right? Before he could say anything though, Grace touched his shoulder. An odd feeling came over him. He could suddenly hear a steady, unrelenting, noise.
Beep…Beep…Beep
“Oh and one more thing, you’ll probably think this was all a dream. But don’t worry, it’s not! We’ll be seeing a lot of each other buddy; we have a lot of work to do!”
His surroundings began to fade; suddenly pain could be felt all throughout his body. He could hear people talking. None of it was clear. He could still see the outline of Brian’s condo as everything blurred. He felt dizzy again, confused. The pain intensified.
Everything went black.
Beep…Beep…Beep
Within what felt like only minutes, his eyes shot open.
