Nick wasn’t too pleased with the fact he had to stay in the hospital another day for observation. The night dragged on and there wasn’t anything good on any of the channels. He thought back to Kevin, to Brian, the way he’d treated them. The way they stayed with him till visiting hours were over all the same. He knew he didn’t deserve them, that he wasn’t good enough for them. Nick sighed as he sat up slowly in his bed, ignoring the pain that flashed through him. The doctor had said he’d broken a few ribs.
What really shocked him, was that he’d been in a coma for a full week. For some reason, he was sure it had only been two days. Where he got that thought from, he couldn’t quite remember. Christmas was in two days, and any plans Nick thought he could have of course were gone. Not that he’d had any beyond avoiding the Carter clan.
He glanced at the phone beside his bed. He could call people of course. Nick knew most wouldn’t be pleased at being woken up at two in the morning, but he couldn’t sleep. He felt restless. Anytime he felt restless, it never led to anything good - clubs, women, drugs, trouble. Nick got restless because otherwise he’d start thinking, and thinking, simply put, got depressing. He continued to channel surf until settling on E!, a decision he immediately regretted.
Ex-Backstreet Boy Nick Carter has been reported to have woken up today. The twenty-six year old was recently in a crash after leaving LA Nightclub – Mood, clearly under the influence of drugs and alcohol. No word has been reported on the charges that may be brought against him once recovered.
“Great…fucking perfect.” He muttered and changed the channel. TMZ was on and in morbid curiosity; he left it there when he thought he heard his name. Nick knew it couldn’t be anything good right then. But there wasn’t much on and he figured it’d be better to know. Then he saw himself, coming out of the nightclub that night. He’d been stumbling everywhere, ranting, raving, looking like the fool he never saw himself as. He blinked, staring at a man who looked ready to collapse.
“That was me that night?”
“Not the best image, is it?”
Nick jerked at the sound and winced immediately at the pain it caused. To his surprise it wasn’t who he expected. AJ stood in the doorway, smirking as he shut the door behind him and went to sit down. He frowned at his thought. Who had he been expecting? He mentally shrugged it off and glanced back over at his friend. He was fiddling with the sunglasses he’d just taken off. It made Nick want to chuckle – middle of the night and AJ still couldn’t bear to give up his beloved shades. How typical.
“How did you get in here? They kicked Brian and Kevin out.”
AJ smirked. “I charmed the right nurses, explained to them I didn’t get a chance to see you. Signed a few autographs…”
“And people think we’re has-beens…”
“Our fans grew up. They’re teachers and nurses and shit now. Anyway, they let me in as long as I stay quiet. There’s this pretty little number at the front desk who I’d love to get to know better…”
“Aren’t you dating Katie?”
“Your point?”
“None, just checking.”
AJ grabbed the remote from him and changed the channel to some late night talk show before setting his gaze on Nick. The eyes always hidden behind the sunglasses always had an ability to see right through a person. It was eerie, how much it reminded him of Kevin’s own piercing stare.
“You shouldn’t be watching that shit.”
“Why not, people will say it to me anyway; better to know ahead of time.”
“You enjoy watching yourself like that? Jesus Nick…even at my worst I didn’t come that close to…to…”
…To getting myself killed. Nick finished mentally. Except you did AJ, I just don’t think you ever knew it.
“I know.” Was what he said instead, having known that’s what his friend wanted to hear. Even if AJ was being a bit of a hypocrite in his opinion, he said what he knew was expected, rather than what he wanted to tell him. He wanted the fellas close, despite how he kept them at a distance.
“I asked the nurse if they knew when you’d be let out. They said tomorrow, they’re just keeping an eye on you in case there’s any complications. You know how close you cut it?”
Nick laughed humorlessly. “Let’s see, a broken arm, a few broken ribs, enough cuts and bruises to last a lifetime…a head injury that knocked me into a coma… I think I know.”
“You got off lucky.”
Nick just nodded, his eyes shifting back to the television again. Now it was showing Jerry Springer and he wanted to laugh. It was like watching his own family. If he concentrated hard enough, the woman on stage screaming could easily be his mother. His father would be the one on the other end with another woman, trying to defend his actions as Jane tried to attack him. His siblings would be in the audience, watching stoically. And Nick? Nick knew he’d be on stage, trying to talk sense into both of them only to be ignored.
“Nick, did you hear me?”
“What?”
“I asked if you knew what you were doing for Christmas.”
“Do I ever?”
AJ went silent. Nick knew what AJ’s plans were; he’d be flying out to Florida to spend it with his mom. It was a yearly tradition for AJ anytime he wasn’t busy touring the world. Denise McLean had always been one of Nick’s several surrogate mothers growing up, but he never felt comfortable imposing on them during the holidays. And now, even he wanted to, he couldn’t fly in this condition and they both knew it.
“Dude I can-“
“No, go home to do your thing. I’ll be alright.”
AJ’s brow rose dubiously, without saying a word.
“Seriously, I’ll be fine. I’m sure Howie or Kevin will be bugging the shit out of me.” Nick pretty much assumed now that he was awake, Brian would be flying home. It was a depressing thought but nothing really surprising. If anything he was surprised Brian was still in town because of him. Though he wouldn’t say that aloud, of course.
“I think Brian was talking about staying in LA too.”
“Oh.” The response may have been noncommittal, but he couldn’t quite hide the smile. Brian would’ve been the option he’d pick, even with Leighanne getting in the way. Anytime he saw Kevin, he just wanted to know what right he had to boss him around now that he left the group. As for Howie, he loved Howie, he did, but he knew Howie would want to spend time with Leigh. He’d be just another third wheel. At least with Brian he’d be able to play with Baylee. It was sad, he knew, knowing that the only people he really considered family, still saw him as a burden. None would it admit it obviously.
Nick just knew.
****
“Mr. Carter! Good morning.”
Nick blinked his eyes open slowly. He glanced around for AJ but didn’t see him. He must have left when he’d fallen asleep. When did that happen? Nick didn’t even remember beginning to doze off. He sighed, maybe it was the medication the doctors had him on. He glanced up the nurse tending to him and checking the various monitors he wished he wasn’t hooked up to.
“Morning...” he mumbled, staring at her. She looked familiar.
“Something on your mind?”
He shook his head. She looked young, too young to be a nurse there. But there was just something that reminded her of someone, he just couldn’t think of whom. In some ways she almost looked like Leslie, with her long blonde hair down in loose waves, impish blue eyes. Yet, she had a look about her, a look of another time. It was throwing him off base.
“No, I’m alright…” He read her name tag, “Grace.”
Why do I feel like I know her?
She grinned. “Good, I’d hate to have to keep you in here another day. It’s bad enough you’re here on Christmas Eve, but we should have you out of here in the next few hours.” She jotted down some notes. “I’m not seeing a reason to keep you here and I’m sure the doctor won’t either.”
“Good, I’m sick of this place.”
“This isn’t exactly what I’d call cheery, so I can’t blame you.”
“It’s a fucking hellhole.” He said angrily, feeling bitter about everything once again. Like the fact he hadn’t seen his family once in the hospital. At least, not awake. He was told his siblings stopped by when he was still in a coma. Nick just wished they were willing to bother when he was actually awake. He was sure there’d be calls waiting from them, pretending they cared just like everyone else in his life.
“I’m sure, though if you made better choices, maybe you wouldn’t be in here.” She stated smugly while Nick’s brows rose. Who was she to say that about him? She didn’t know him, she didn’t know anything. His temper flared and it only took rising too quickly to painfully remind him that he wasn’t exactly able bodied right then.
“Who the hell are you to say that?!”
“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. Besides, the world’s saying far worse, you need to not care what people think of you, famous or not.”
Her calmness only infuriated him further. “You don’t get it.”
“I get more than you think Nick. And, like it or not, you better get used to me.”
“Get used to you? I’m leaving today! And why is it you act like you know me and I feel like I know you?!”
“Really? Hmm, maybe it was in those dreams of yours.” Grace replied with a smirk before sauntering out of the room. He watched her go, trying to make sense of her words, trying to place her. It didn’t take long. Her head popped in at the precise moment the memories, all of them, came flooding back to him. She smiled at him. A familiar, genuine, Carter trademark smile.
“You there yet?”
His mouth hung open as he floundered for words. No, no way. Shit like this doesn’t happen. I’m insane. That’s it. There’s no god, no annoying fucking angel. No. Or I’m still in a coma, still dreaming.
“No, it does. No, you’re not insane – yet. There is a God and He’s trying to help you even though you don’t believe. Why do you think I’m here?” She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips as she eyed him.
“Why, why me?”
“Because for some reason Nicky Boy, you’ve still got some potential.” She winked, before vanishing right before his eyes in a vision of light. That was when he screamed. He just couldn’t take it. All of it was simply too much for him to wrap his head around.
Brian came racing through the doors. He’d been coming by for his daily visit. “Nick! Nick! Jesus, you scared the life out of me, are you alright?”
Nick shook his head. “No, she was there, and she...she…”
“Who was there?”
At that he paused, what could he say? They’d have him committed. He knew how he sounded. So he shook his head and calmed himself down. It was the best he could do. Maybe it was the medicine. They were giving him some pretty heavy drugs for the pain before, though they’d been weaning him off so he could go home. Withdrawals maybe? The excuse was weak, but he’d take it. Anything to explain it away.
Stuff like that can cause hallucinating right? Yeah, maybe that’s it. Something deep inside of him knew the truth however, even if his conscious self refused to admit it.
“Nothing man, it was just…a dream.”
If only.
