It was early; the sun was barely even rising as I crept stealthily across the grass wet with the morning dew. The quaint, two-story home, white with black shutters was dark and quiet and I slipped closer, shifting my eyes toward the neighbors and hoping no early risers would grow suspicious and call the police. Deeming myself safe at the moment, I weighed the small pebbles in my hand then took aim at the farthest window on the right and let one fly, hearing the ping as it struck the glass and bounced off.

After a slight pause, I flung another, waited a moment and did it once more. Taking aim with the last pebble, I hurled it up toward the window just as it was flung open and a face appeared, the tiny stone missing it by mere inches.

“Alex!” The woman hissed, jerking away from the flying stone then leaning out the window and glaring down at me.

I winced. Oops, that wasn’t the person I had been expecting or trying to rouse with the flying pebbles. “Sorry, Paige,” I called up to her. “I um…could have sworn that’s the room Evie was in.”

Paige sighed and shook her head, her blonde curls bobbing from the force. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

My shoulders dropped some at her words. “I uh…I know, but I can’t help it; I miss her like crazy and just wanted to see her.”

“You just saw her last night.”

I tugged on the brim of the ball cap I wore. “Yeah, but I still miss her and just wanted a little peek.”

Paige’s face relaxed some and then she smiled a real smile that accentuated the dimple in her left cheek. It resembled Evie’s smile so much that it made my gut ache and wish it was Eve and not Paige with her head out the window.

“Well,” she spoke up again, “as romantic as this whole thing is, you’re not gonna see her. You know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”

“Oh, come on!” I pleaded. “I don’t believe any of that cockamamie bullshit.”

This time she laughed and shook her head again, those blonde curls brushing her cheeks. “That may be, but Eve does. So go home and get ready and you will see her this afternoon.”

I knew I wasn’t going to win this one, not when it came to Paige and her stubborn streak. “Fine,” I relented. “But give her a message for me? Tell her I miss her and I love her and can’t wait to see her and how beautiful she’s going to be.”

“I will.” Paige smiled again and I could tell even from the distance between us that her blue eyes were twinkling with amusement. “You go home and we’ll see you this afternoon.” Then she pointed a finger at me. “Don’t be late.”

I held my hands up; palms toward her to signal I wouldn’t then turned and jogged across the lawn to where my black SUV was parked alongside the curb. After unlocking it and climbing in behind the wheel, I sat there a moment. I had tried. I should have known Paige would be onto me and be ready to intercept any kind of interaction between us. Bet if I called Eve’s phone, she’d be the one answering. But can’t blame a guy for trying and that’s what I’d done.

I just hadn’t been able to help myself. Usually Eve is beside me, in my arms as we sleep, but last night after the rehearsal dinner, she’d been carted off to her sister’s place and I was left alone in our home; alone the night before the biggest day of my life and I’d spent it tossing and turning and longing to have her with me.

Eve Noelle White was the calming force in my chaotic life; the lighthouse with that strong beam to guide your way out on a raging sea. In the midst of craziness she was my rock and she’d been my salvation.

I had met Eve at the party of a mutual friend back in June of 2009. Immediately I was attracted to her stunning good looks; golden blonde hair that fell in ringlets down her back and blue eyes so crisp and icy blue they made shivers run down my spine. Her skin looked so creamy and smooth and my fingers were itching to just touch her within the first five minutes. But it was her smile that kicked my heart up a notch; one that lit up her entire face and I could just tell what a beautiful and genuine person she was. And then when she laughed, it danced around in my head and stayed with me long after I had departed.

I think I was in love with her that first night. That first five minutes, in fact. But she didn’t seem too interested. She chatted with me casually at the party, but turned down my offer to dance and then moved off to visit with some of her friends. I didn’t want to seem like a stalker and keep following her around, so I had bided my time then “accidentally” run into her again in the kitchen. This time, we got to talk a little bit more in depth about our careers and where we grew up; all those conversations you have when you first meet someone and want to know more about them.

When I finally suggested we exchange numbers, she smiled a smile that made my heart melt then told me she didn’t think it’d be a good idea, but it had been a pleasure to meet me. I had to watch her disappear back into the crowd with hurt pride and a crushed spirit. It wasn’t often that I was turned down, but it was an even bigger blow coming from this girl; someone that I already felt so strongly about in such a short amount of time.

It took four days before I was finally able to convince my pal who’d thrown the party to get me her number. Then I found out where she worked. She owned a chic little clothing store that catered to the hip and trendy and solely to women. It wasn’t a big place and I was relieved to see her there the first time I showed up. She was surprised to see me that first day and the following and the following. By the fourth day she had come to expect it and finally agreed to have lunch.

Best date of my life. Even if it was only an hour and we ended up at a little sandwich shop down the street from her shop. Our conversation was so easy and by the time the hour was up, I already felt like I’d known her most of my life. I was on cloud nine as I escorted her back to the store and was determined not to let her out of my sight until she had agreed to see me again. Luckily it didn’t take as much convincing the second time around and she finally agreed to dinner and a movie. I think I floated all the way to my SUV and don’t even remember the drive home.

Our second date was nearly as great as the first. I brought her flowers and opened doors for her, even pulling out her chair at dinner. By the time we got to the theater she was fully relaxed and even let me hold her hand during the movie. I knew by the time I drove her home and walked her to the front door and she squeezed my hand then stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek, I was completely in love with this girl.

After that night, most would say the rest is history, but it didn’t quite turn out that way for us. Eve wasn’t like any of the other girls I’d dated. She wasn’t the kind of girl who would let someone walk over her, or lead her along, or mess with her head or heart. She told me upfront on our fifth date that she wouldn’t stay with a guy that cheated on her, or played games. And on our seventh date I found out she wasn’t about to put up with any man’s bullshit. She guarded her heart closely and kept a clear head about everything. I wasn’t invited into her place until date ten and even then it didn’t go any farther then some kissing on the couch.

This had been the longest I’d gone without getting intimate with a woman, and sometimes I did wonder why I was waiting and sticking around a girl that didn’t seem intent on giving it up anytime soon. But then I’d see her smile, or she’d catch my hand and intertwine our fingers, or I’d get a whiff of her shampoo and my heart would be tripping all over itself. It was in those moments that I knew I’d wait forever if that’s what it took. Sometimes I thought I needed her more than I needed sex and that would make me go ‘what the fuck’, but just one look into those clear blue eyes and everything felt right in the World.

As June melded into July then July into August, I would say things were going really well for us. I wasn’t seeing anyone else and I knew she wasn’t either, so I considered us exclusive. She introduced me to her family sometime in mid August and that’s when I think things started to go downhill.

It was her niece’s first birthday party and I could definitely feel the pressure to live up to the expectations her family had of me. But that pressure increased tenfold once I met everyone and I left the party wondering how I was going to be everything they all expected. Her family was as close to perfection as any family could be. Her parents had been married for over 30 years, her older sister, a nurse, was happily married to a doctor with a one year old little girl. Her younger sister had just graduated top honors in college and was going to start her masters program that fall (something with criminal justice), and her brother was on a full ride to the University of Kentucky in academics and basketball.

How do you even come close to any of that? Sure, I was a world famous musician and rich and successful in the industry, but I don’t think any of that mattered to her parents. Her family was wholesome and loving and could have been in a 50’s TV show it was so by the book. I imagined they were like the Walton’s every night; Goodnight, Ben, Goodnight, Jim-Bob, Goodnight, Ellen. I had never been surrounded by a family that had so much love and respect and support and admiration for each other. And it was definitely more than a little overwhelming.

I think that’s when I started to slip. I began to think that maybe I wasn’t good enough for Eve and she deserved some lawyer or doctor or successful businessman that would match her family better. She deserved a guy who didn’t have a semi truck full of issues trailing along behind him or one with as sordid a past as I had. Eve didn’t even know about all of my past. There were some things I had told her about; a few horrible relationships, what happened with my father and my history with alcoholism. But there was more I was keeping from her; more really horrible relationships, just how severe my alcoholism was, the fact that I wasn’t completely sober, how I would handle relationships and that I cheated on every single girlfriend. I felt like I would lose her if she found out and that wasn’t something I was ready to face yet.

But the more I thought about her family and what Eve deserved the more I wondered what could I give her that someone better than me couldn’t? Maybe we weren’t meant to be together and then I began to question why she was even with me in the first place. Had I guilted her into it showing up every day at her work until she finally agreed to see me? Did she feel sorry for me and go out with me out of pity? Was she feeling obligated to date me? Those questions ran through my head every day, but I was too afraid to voice them. So instead, I began to drink a little more and then one day I started up again with the weed. It was just easier to lose myself in those vices then think about the situation at hand.

I think Eve noted a difference in me. Sometimes she would just look at me like she was trying to search inside my soul. Other times she’d come right out and ask what was going on? Was I feeling okay? Was there something I needed to tell her? But I’d play dumb every time. I think I had myself convinced she belonged to someone better so I was subconsciously trying to drive her away. Something I now realized that I did quite often with women. But at the time, I was only trying to make myself feel better and quiet the voices inside of me that were telling me what a fuck up I was.

Things didn’t improve between us as August melted into September. We still hadn’t been intimate on the level that I would have liked, and with my weird behavior, I knew it wouldn’t be happening soon. And for the first time since I’d met her, I was seriously considering looking for it elsewhere. Which I knew would end it between us, but my mindset at the time was that I wanted it so I was gonna find it. And if she got mad, then I’d talk her into forgiving me and promise never to do it again. I’d been able to convince her to go out with me, how hard could it be to convince her not to leave me? After all, I’d been able to with every other girlfriend.

But I discovered it was a lot harder than I ever imagined. That day came; Tuesday, September 15th of 2009. Earlier in the day, Eve had told me that she’d had some family obligation thing she had to do, so she wouldn’t see me until Wednesday. So I had called over some buddies of mine, and a few women, and set up a poker game. There was beer, wine, pot and women and about 9 o’clock, Eve came into the house.

I remember it like it was yesterday. She stood there in the doorway to the family room and stared at us as I took a hit from a joint. With it still to my lips, I froze and watched her like a deer caught in headlights. My heart was suddenly hammering so loud in my chest I was sure it was filling the room. One of my buddies was getting head under the table and I was supposed to be next and I remember thinking ‘oh shit, so glad Traci isn’t down there yet’. Then Eve’s eyes met mine and my heart fell clear into my toes. The look on her face, one of complete shock and disappointment and utter disgust, sliced through me and I felt like shit, worse than shit would even feel like. Like I had just ruined her entire life and broken her into millions of pieces.

No one spoke as she stared at me, no one even moved. It was like time was standing still and the entire moment was teetering on the edge of a high cliff ready to pitch off the side and shatter into smithereens on the jagged rocks below. I remember slowly reaching and setting the joint into an ashtray and trying to think of something, anything to say to her to make all of this okay, but all I could think and feel was that I was destroying her and a golf ball size lump was growing in my throat.

Eve spoke first. She watched me with a look filled with heartbreak and disappointment and I wanted to crawl into a hole. Then she opened her beautiful mouth and tore my heart in two, “You’re not the Alex I fell in love with.” her words jolted me because up until now we’d never uttered those words out loud. “You’re so much better than this. So much better,” she had managed out as her voice cracked. Then she turned and walked out the door and out of my life.

I didn’t know what to say or do. I was frozen in the chair, half of me wanting to run after her, but unable to move and knowing it would just cause more hurt, pain and a big argument. So I let her go and felt what little bit of self respect and strength inside of me slipping away.

I looked to the table, to all the beer bottles and wine glasses, to the rolled joints and smoke that was seeping from the end, and then over to my friends who were watching me with looks I couldn’t quite explain. Traci touched my leg and told me not to worry about Eve, that it was for the better and that she could help me forget all about it.

Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and absolutely disgusted with myself and my behavior. I wanted them gone, every single one of them. I was horrified at how I’d been acting and what Eve had walked in on and I rose to my feet and told them to get the hell out, and to take their beer and pot with them. I wanted to turn the table over and destroy all evidence of what had been transpiring. Instead, I grabbed some large garbage bags and swiped them off the table and into the trash. I got rid of every beer bottle, wine bottle, any and all traces of alcohol. Then I did the same with the pot, so thankful at that moment that I hadn’t allowed one guy to bring some crack like he had wanted to.

After purging the toxins from my house, I sat on my bed, shaking and feeling like my life was being sucked away and I was going to end up with nothing. I already had a gaping hole inside of me that I’d been trying to fill with alcohol and drugs and random casual sex. Eve had started to fill that hole, but then I met her family and knew I’d never be good enough for her. It had worked, my self sabotage; I had sent her running because she deserved much better and that was the only way I knew to handle it.

Every time my eyes closed that look on her face that cut me in two was before them; such utter heartbreak and disappointment. And her words continued to ring in my ears over and over. I was better than this. I wasn’t the man she had fallen in love with. She was in love with me and she believed in me. And I loved that woman like nothing else. I didn’t want to lose her and spend the rest of my life feeling this way; trying to fill the empty hole with meaningless shit and toxic things.

And in that moment I knew that I needed Eve more than I needed another drop of alcohol or a puff from a joint or even meaningless sex. And if I was going to get her back then I needed to stop being a douche and I needed to get the help I’d been trying to avoid for so many years. She wasn’t naïve and she wasn’t going to let some man spin her tales or pull the wool over her eyes. If I was going to get her back then I had to prove myself and show her that I could be the Alex she had fallen for, that I was going to be that Alex again and stay that way.

And so the following day, September 16th of 2009 I entered rehab. In-patient for 60 days, not just the usual 30 I had done twice previously. This time, more than ever before, I was determined to beat these demons and overcome. My ultimate goal; to be clean and healthy and have Eve at my side for the rest of my life. I kept a picture of her tucked in the back of my Bible and every night before I’d fall to sleep, I’d pull it out and look it over, thinking about the day I’d be out of here and I could really, truly show her that I was that man she wanted and needed.

And that’s close to how it happened. I was discharged on November, 16th and Eve was waiting in the lobby for me. I had been expecting my mom and was more than a little surprised when it was Eve who showed up to take me home. We took a long drive then found a little place that overlooked a beach and sat in the car, talking about anything and everything that had happened between us.

There had been one day during my treatment that Eve had come to the facility. It was for a therapy session and part of my healing. It had been rather therapeutic and being able to finally be truly real and open up to her had released something in me and now seated in her black Ford Fusion with just the two of us, I didn’t have any fear of being rejected and we were able to have a real, open and honest conversation.

I don’t think either of us held anything back. I told her every detail of my sordid past, what had happened that made me spiral downward again after meeting her family and how she had helped save me. She told me how proud she was of me, about her fears, her wants and desires and her feelings toward me. It was the longest and most emotional conversation I’d ever had, but afterward I felt like I was so close to that light at the end of the tunnel and that she would soon be in my arms again.

In the end, we decided that we would start over. The past was the past and that’s where it would stay and we would have a fresh, new beginning. I was determined to make this work even if that meant working harder than ever before for as long as it took.

And that’s what I did; every single day. And in the end it paid off handsomely. Her family fell in love with me, Eve and I maintained a happy and healthy relationship, I had no fears or worries about messing around on her or screwing our relationship up. For the first time in my entire life I was confident and happy with myself, which in turn let me be confident and happy in my relationship.

The months passed with ease and every day I found myself looking forward to the next one and what it might hold. My struggles with my sobriety were far from over, but with my beautiful angel at my side, I was able to stay strong and overcome the obstacles that appeared before me. It was October of 2010 when Eve moved in with me. And after requesting permission from her father, who gave it wholeheartedly, I asked her to marry me on Christmas Eve. And now, here we are, nearly ten months later on September 10th, 2011 and it was our wedding day.

Life couldn’t get any better and I just could not wait to start on this next journey with her.

Drifting back into real time from my reverie, I realized I should probably start for home before Paige came racing out of the house to scold me some more. I’m pretty sure she was watching me like a hawk and timing how long I had been sitting there. I loved my soon to be sister-in-law despite her quirks, stubborn streak and all and I couldn’t wait until we were all officially a family. Being able to call her parents, mom and dad, her sisters, my sisters and her brother, my brother was a day I had been waiting for, for a long, long time now.

With a grin tugging at the corner of my mouth, I started up the SUV then pulled away from the curb and headed for home.

~*~*~*~*~

I had just arrived in my driveway when my cell phone rang. I parked before my closed garage door then grabbed it up from the passenger seat. I was hoping it was Eve and she’d been able to sneak away from Paige long enough for a quick phone call, but upon seeing my attorney’s name on the screen, my brows drew together. Why would he be calling me? He had been invited to the wedding, but if he was unable to make it, why would he call me? Do guests call the groom if they are suddenly unable to attend on the day of? Had something else happened?

Accepting the call, I held the phone to my ear and greeted him, “Morning, Brett. What can I do for you?”

Brett McAllister, my attorney of quite a few years and someone I knew I could trust with all my secrets, responded with a hello of his own and asked how my day was going so far.

We chatted small talk a moment then I shifted my eyes toward the phone, slipping from my SUV and heading for the front door. “Something up, Brett? You’re still able to come to the wedding, right?”

“The wife and I will be there,” I could hear his smile through the phone. Then he grew serious and cleared his throat. “Um, there is something I need to discuss with you though and I didn’t think the wedding would really be the appropriate place to do that.”

I unlocked my front door and stepped into the house, feeling the cool air greet me. Shutting the door behind me, I tossed the keys over onto a side table and slipped my shoes off. “What’s going on? This isn’t about any prenup is it? I thought we already discussed that.”

“No, it’s not about a prenup,” Brett’s voice came gravely through the line. He hesitated a moment then continued, “It’s a little more serious than that.”

I felt my heart pause in its beating for just a quick moment. “What’s it about?”

“Are you alone?”

I could feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. “I am.” I started down the hall toward my office, feeling every nerve prickling with anticipation. “What the hell is going on here, man? You’re starting to freak me out.”

“Well,” I could hear the hesitation in his voice and it made a cold chill spread through my body.

“What?”

And then as I entered into my office and closed the door, Brett finally explained his reason for calling; a reason that would split the floor wide beneath me, a reason that would knock my heart around in my chest and steal the air from my lungs, a reason that would change my life, my entire future, forever.