The plane touched down in Columbus and after making our way to the baggage claim, we found the gentlemen that Mr. Jeffries had hired to pick us up. He stood at the bottom of the escalators with a sign that read ‘the White party’. Since I didn’t want to use my name, we’d gone with Eve’s maiden name.

Eve moved to greet the chauffer while I gathered our bags. Then together, the three of us headed from the airport and to the black town car that was waiting. Our chauffer, whose name was David, stowed our belongings in the back then held the door as I helped my wife in then joined her in the backseat.

It took thirty-five minutes to make the trip to Berkshire and our driver pulled up outside of a small, but well kept, inn. The room had already been reserved and the room key was waiting on us. After stowing our belongings then grabbing a quick shower and a bite to eat across the street at a local diner, we met with Mr. Jeffries.

Mr. Jeffries was a small man; I think he was hardly 5’5. He was thin and had school boy looks with freckles and ruddy colored hair that appeared permanently disheveled. Thin, wire framed black glasses were perched on his nose and every few moments he’d take an index finger and push them farther up to the bridge. He didn’t look any older than 28 and that was giving him a few years. He was friendly and professional and his first name was Tom we learned throughout the meeting. He had also been a close and personal friend to Melody Porter as well as her attorney.

The girls, we learned, were in state custody, but had been allotted to stay with one of Ms. Porter’s neighbors. They’d been through a traumatic experience losing their mother and the court had agreed that being with someone familiar would be best for them. It had been a little over a month since their mother’s death and being only four, were having a bit of a hard time accepting and understanding where she had gone and why.

The majority of the meeting covered the legal aspect. There were more forms than I think I’d ever seen and that’s saying a lot considering all the contracts I’ve signed due to my career. Luckily, my own attorney was due to arrive first thing in the morning and he would look everything over and help give me some peace of mind with it all.

By the time Mr. Jeffries had explained the papers I would have to sign that would be delivered to the court and the papers my wife would have to sign so she would be considered a legal guardian, my head was hurting. A pressure was squeezing the temples and the pain was working its way up the back of my neck. Eve must have sensed it, because she reached over and massaged my neck, giving it gentle squeezes.

Once all the paperwork had been gone through and Mr. Jeffries had handed over my copies for Brett and I to go back over, he folded his hands on the table and his bright green eyes looked my way. “I’m sure you have a ton of questions.”

Eve slipped her hand from my neck and took mine in hers, lacing our fingers together.

“Yeah, I um,” I was trying to think through the ache in my head, “I know this sounds horrible, but I don’t remember Ms. Porter.”

A hint of discern flickered in his eyes. “She knew you wouldn’t. Your time together was very brief and she never expected you to remember her.”

And then I voiced a question that had been nagging at the back of my mind since the first day I found out about the twins, “Why didn’t she ever tell me?”

Mr. Jeffries pressed his thin lips together. “I can’t answer that for her.” Then he reached into his pocket and withdrew a long envelope. “She left you a letter. She knew you’d have questions and she wanted to do her best to answer them all.” He passed it to me. “Read it whenever you’re ready. There’s also a safety deposit box at the bank and she left you the key to it.” He nodded toward the envelope and I assumed the key was tucked inside with the letter.

I thanked him and then promising to be in touch once my attorney got into town, we bid our goodbyes and he slipped from the hotel room.

Eve locked the chain across the door once he was gone. She crossed the room and sank back down into the chair at the round table, smoothing a hand to my leg and holding it in a comforting fashion. “You okay?”

I was staring at the white envelope, feeling the weight of it in my hands. “I don’t know,” was all I could come up with.

My wife watched me a moment then leaned and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I’m gonna go take a shower and give you a little time. I think you and,” her eyes shifted to the envelope, “Melody need that.”

I wanted to turn and catch her and pull her in for a long kiss, but I just managed a nod.

She rose and kissed the top of my bald head then disappeared into the bathroom.

It was another few minutes before I finally talked myself up enough to open the envelope. Inside were four sheets of paper with the safety deposit box key taped to the bottom of the last one. Moving to the bed and leaning against the headboard, I settled back some, smoothed the pages of the papers, catching a hint of a sweet smelling floral scent, and then began to read.

Dearest Alex,

I know if you’re reading this letter than I’m no longer in this World. I’ve moved on to a better place where there’s no such thing as pain, anger, hurt or misery. That thought alone gives me a sense of peace, but it tears me apart to think that I’ve left my sweet little girls; two precious angels who are so innocent and unaware of the bad in this World and who must be missing their mommy something terrible. Writing that out, thinking it, saying it out loud is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Even more so than anything I’ve endured with this cancer. It makes me break down and weep for them. For their loss and for everything they will not get to experience with their mother. Facing the world motherless is a travesty upon itself. I know, I’ve been there. But knowing my sweet babies had no say in it whatsoever, and can barely comprehend death, let alone the death of their mother, is such an ultimate tragedy.

I know you must have hundreds of questions and my only regret is that I’m not able to answer them face to face. This letter is will be our last connection and so I hope you take time to really read it and to know that everything I’ve done, rather you view them as good or bad, was for our daughters. Every decision I made, every sacrifice, every secret harbored was for them; to keep them safe, to help them grow and learn and to be the very best they could be.

Four years is not nearly enough time with them, but they were the very best four years of my life. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, they were the most wanted and loved babies ever. And then learning it was two was more joy than I’d ever experienced. And once they were here in my arms, I never wanted to let them go. I knew that God was giving me two very special gifts and I vowed that first day in the hospital that I was going to do everything in my power to love them and care for them and raise them to be strong, smart, loving and genuine women.

But God must certainly have other plans, because I sit here in a hospital bed writing you a letter, knowing that in a matter of weeks, maybe even days, I will no longer be able to fulfill that promise I made. And so I wipe away the tears and I hold out the baton to you. I offer you the opportunity to come to know your children and to love them with as much conviction, as much strength, as I have.

I had to stop reading for a moment. My eyes were brimming with tears and the ache in my head had now trickled down to my chest. It was as if she was here in the room with me, speaking the words on the paper; that’s how powerful they were. She wrote this letter with every emotion in her body and it showed.

I reached up and wiped at the corners of my eyes, determined to finish this. And knowing that I would do nothing but what this mother was requesting. After all, how could I not?

Letting a puff of air from between my lips, I trained my gaze on the paragraph I’d stopped at and began to read once more.

I trust you, Alex, with a trust like none other that you will raise them as I have been trying. That they’ll grow and be beautiful and individuals and know who they are, where they came from and be proud of everything they are. It’s so very hard for a mother to let someone take her child from her arms, and even that much harder when you know that you have no choice in the matter. You’re powerless to stop it and it scares you like none other. I’m so very scared, but I have to be strong because they need that strength and as a parent, you know you’ll do anything to keep everything right for your children.

I’m sure you don’t remember me. I never expected you to. What happened between us was such a brief moment in your life that it simply can’t be assumed that you would remember. I’m not insulted by that and I harbor no ill feelings toward you whatsoever. You gave me two blessings and there is just no way that I can regret any of it. I will do my best, however, to fill you in and try to refresh your memory.

It was October 20th of 2006. You were in Columbus with your group for a show. A couple co-workers and I left work early that day and drove into the big city to attend the concert. Afterward, we got a room at The Hilton, and by coincidence, you and your bandmates were staying there also. During that time, I had been dating this jerk of a guy and I found out that evening that he had been cheating on me for quite some time. I was upset, crushed, because it was the first serious relationship I had allowed myself to have. And it had come crashing down around me, like everything else in my life.

Feeling sorry for myself, I had left my girlfriends in the room because I couldn’t bear to share my embarrassment and grief with them and spoil their ‘after show high’. So I took a walk and ended up outside by the pool, which in October in Ohio was closed for the winter and completely empty. I welcomed the solitude, peace and quiet and took up refuge on a lawn chair.

It was there that you found me. You’d wanted a smoke and a few minutes of peace yourself. And seeing as how no one swam in October, you’d thought the pool would be the best place to go. What you didn’t count on was that our lives would be forever connected from that moment on.

We talked; I cried and you felt sorry for me, so you joined me in the chair and held me close. One minute it was innocent, like you were comforting a friend. I don’t know if you meant the things you said about me being beautiful and the boyfriend, ex boyfriend, was a fool. That I would find myself a really great guy one day and forget about this painful moment. But hearing it from a stranger, especially from you, made me really feel that way; like I was beautiful and wanted and any guy who didn’t recognize that was an idiot.

And that’s when it changed. We went from cryee and comforter to a full blown makeout session. And then, right there in the crisp October air, next to an empty pool with no one around, we created our daughters. Afterward, you walked me to my room, kissed me on the nose and told me the next guy to come my way was going to be the luckiest bastard there is.

That’s the last time I saw you. Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant and then our daughters were born June 23rd. They were early, but healthy and vibrant and the most beautiful bundles of joy there ever were.

My breath caught in my chest as the sudden memory of that night washed over me. It had happened exactly like she’d written and I felt my throat tighten some. I’d had no idea that two little girls were the outcome of that union and I found myself desperately wishing she had contacted me earlier. That I’d been able to see them as babies and help all three of them out in whatever they may have needed. With no family around, she’d done it mostly alone and the thought of how hard that was and what it must have been like gnawed at my stomach, making me feel nearly sick.

A distant memory of her face flashed before my eyes and I found myself smiling, feeling like I was connecting with a long lost friend. With fresh tears pooling in my eyes, I searched out where I had ended and continued.

I don’t have any excuses you’ll probably be satisfied enough with on reasons why I never contacted you or tried to tell you. Numerous times I did sit down and try to write you a letter, but could never go through with it. I kept thinking about how you lived on the other side of the country and had your own life and I admit, I was afraid if you found out you might try to take them from me, but mostly I didn’t want our girls to have the life most children of divorced parents have. I wanted to give them as much stability and routine as possible.

I know that it is unfair to you and I apologize for that. The last thing I want to do is hurt you or take away any opportunities. But none of that matters anymore, because if you’re reading this letter then I’ve passed on and they’re both 100% yours, if you wish to take on that responsibility. And I pray that you do. I’ve prayed every night that once you find out about them you’ll want them as badly as I did. You’ll love them and care for them and become the most wonderful father there is.

I know that I’m throwing you into this probably completely unprepared. At least I had eight and a half months to prepare and learn all I could about being a mom. But you’re being thrust into the situation with no warning, no preparations and probably not knowing what to do. And I wish I was there to help walk you through it. I hope that you’re able to reach out to family or close friends and that someone will guide you along the way.

Being a parent is never an easy task and it seems like the older they get the harder the job becomes. I’ve done my best to prepare them for this day and at the end of this letter, you’ll find the key to my safety deposit box. Inside are the girls’ birth certificates, social security cards, some personal items I left for them for when they are old enough to understand and letters, lots of letters. I’ve had a lot of time these past days and I’ve filled it with writing. I’ve written all my thoughts for them down and had my attorney put them in the box. There’s letters for different events in their lives and letters for situations they may have to deal with, as well as letters to help guide them and teach them.

I hope that you’ll keep my memory alive; that you’ll honor me as their mother. And though I’m sure you’ve found a real love affair (I heard you were getting married) and I know how badly they are going to need a mother, that you won’t let them forget me. I give my blessing to your wife (if she is by now) to care for them and love them like her own. And though my initial reaction is one of jealousy, I know that it’ll be the best thing for everyone if you eventually changed their last name to yours and your wife adopted them.

I know this letter may seem like it’s never ending, but I couldn’t end it without telling you about our daughters. I’m sure you’ve done the usual testing just to make sure you are the father, and I’m not upset by that. Nowadays you can’t be too careful and I have no doubt whatsoever that you are the father. And if you’re reading this, then you know that they’re yours. So let me tell you about them. About our beautiful baby girls who saved me and filled my world with laughter and tears and such joy the human heart and body can’t possibly contain it all.

Having a child is like having your heart walking around outside of your body; it’s scary and vulnerable and there’s nothing you can do to keep them protected and safe 100% of the time. But if you let it, it can be the most wonderful and glorious decision there ever was. I hope you’re able to reach that point and I feel assured that once you meet them and get to know them, you won’t be able to help but love them.

Ashlyn Grace is older by three minutes. She came out kicking and screaming and is a force to reckon with. She’s dynamic and dramatic and knows what she wants and how she wants it. Her favorite things are tea parties with her dolls and stuffed animals and don’t be insulted if she makes you play it with her and then puts a big floppy hat on your head. She loves stories about princesses and wants to be one for Halloween. Her room is decorated in pinks with a princess bed and canopy and when she grows up she wants to be a ballerina princess, complete with sparkling tiara and wand.

Ireland Faith came into the world via a c-section because she was breech. And once they removed her and were able to clear her mouth and nose, she had such a healthy cry. Ireland loves pinks and frills and is as girlie as her sister is. Though she is a bit more sensitive and reserved. Ashlyn knows no strangers and Ireland takes her time warming up to someone. She loves to do her ballet and would probably wear her leotard and tutu around the house all day if I let her. If you asked her what her favorite things were she would tell you bubble baths, ballet, her stuffed rabbit Greta and her sissie and mommy. She’s not sure what she wants to be yet for Halloween, but when she grows up she wants to be a rabbit doctor.

The girls are fiercely protective of each other and the very best of friends. And they both love to sing and have those pure voices that melt your heart and make you hold them close. I know they got that talent from you because I’m no singer. They love music and dance and I do my best to fill their lives with it. We used to dance around the house together before I got too sick.

Of course, I want you to make your own conclusions on them and their personalities. I want you to go into it with a clear head so you’re able to form a bond of your own and not one because of something I may have mentioned in here.

The girls know about you a little bit. They didn’t start asking the daddy question until I got sick. I never want to lie to my sweet angels, so I did the best I could with what I had. I told them that their father lived far away; but that I was sure he loved them very much. That he had an important job that kept him busy and someday soon he would come to meet them. I told them what a wonderful man you were and how you made me feel beautiful and wanted when I was at my worst. And you did, Alex, you really, truly did.

I have to thank you for that and thank you for the dearest and precious gifts I’ve ever received. They were all I needed to make me feel whole again and after they were born, my life was one for the better. You saved me that night, not even knowing, and I’m forever grateful to you.

The girls know that I’m going to go be with Jesus soon. They don’t understand all of it or why their mommy can’t ever come back to visit, but they know I’m going away. I didn’t want to have to tell them, but I couldn’t bear just being gone one day and them not knowing why I left. They know I’m very sick and each day they have come visited and brought me handmade get well cards. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re here and you want to meet them. They are my heart, my life, and it’s so hard to be leaving them. So please take care of them, love them and nurture them and hug them every single day. They really are going to need it.

I better stop now before my eyes are too blurred to read my writing. I hope I’ve answered your questions and given you as much information as I can in what little time I have left. I’m so sorry I won’t be around to give you the help you may need with them, but I trust that you’ll find your way. I hope they make an impression on your heart when you meet them and you’re able to forgive me and love them like they deserve and want. They’re innocent in all this and they need a family. They need you.

Thank you, Alex. You’ve made the last four years of my life the best ones yet. I can now rest and my mind will finally be at peace. Give Ashlyn and Ireland my love.

With much appreciation,

Melody Porter

PS. They have your eyes, you know.

My heart was in my throat and tears were escaping down my cheeks as I finished the letter. I smoothed my fingers over the silver key taped to the bottom of the page and closed my eyes. Her words echoed through my head and I wanted to get up from the bed and drive to whatever house they were in and gather them in my arms. Those sweet little girls who I already knew I loved.

Tomorrow, Eve and I would go to the neighbor’s house, we would meet Ashlyn and Ireland and then we would take them home. Home to California where, together, we’d all four learn how to be a family.