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Chapter Thirty-Five

For the first time in a long time, Brian dreamt of Leighanne.

In the dream, they were sitting in one of the Mad Hatter's Teacups at Disney World and Brian was clutching the spinning handle in the middle for dear life, even though the ride wasn't actually moving. Leighanne was sitting across from him, wearing a navy blue dress with white polka dots on it, her long blonde hair tied up in a red kerchief. She smiled at him serenely and he felt a flood of guilt fill his senses.

"I cheated on you," he said to her.

Leighanne laughed, "You didn't cheat on me."

"I did so," Brian said, "I cheated on you. I slept with another woman."

"You slept with Emma," Leighanne said, nodding, "I know."

"No I mean just now," he said. "Just before I came here to see you, I slept with her. We're getting married." His knuckles were white from clutching the steering handle.

"I know, Brian," Leighanne said quietly. She reached over and touched his hand, "I'm so happy for you," she said, "I'm happy that you've found someone who loves you and wants to be with you." Her voice was gentle.

Brian's eyes welled up, "I don't need anyone else... I have you."

"You had me," Leighanne corrected, "You don't have me anymore."

Brian gritted his teeth, the tears spilling over his eyelids. Breathing became a big more ragged, harder to get a full breath. He shook his head, "I don't want anyone but you. Can't you just... come back? Can't we just stay here, like this?"

"But you hate the tea cups," Leighanne pointed out.

"I hate most things that spin," Brian answered.

"Brian, do you remember the day we talked about the wills, about what we would do if one or both of us died?" Leighanne asked.

Brian nodded.

"Do you remember what I told you that day?"

He nodded.

"You deserve love, Brian... you deserve the best a woman has to offer and more. Don't settle for less, don't sell yourself short, waiting for something that's not there anymore. You deserve better than that."

He stared at his fingers. "But I'm afaid," he whispered, "I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid that you'll be gone forever."

"You can let go, Brian," Leighanne answered.

He looked at his hands. "You know I hate this ride," he argued.

"Brian," she persisted, "It's over. You can let go."

He clung tighter.

"Brian, let go."

Her voice echoed... over and over again... and suddenly he was falling backwards, through black space and with a snap ---

Brian sat up in the dark hotel room. His quick motion rolled Emma over, but she slept heavily enough that she didn't wake up. He gasped into the night, his heart racing, and glanced at the alarm clock. It was eleven o'clock. The Chinese take out boxes seemed to glow in the pale lunar light that was filtered by thin white hotel room curtains. He looked down at Emma, her pale, smooth stomach and the curve of her breasts. Her head was nestled gently in the pillow, one hand resting on her hip, the other stretched up under the pillow.

He felt a lump rise up his throat, and his stomach clench and knew he was about to throw up.

Kneeling on the tile in the bathroom, Brian retched over the toilet for what felt like a decade before he felt he'd been run over by a Mack Truck. He flushed the toilet and rolled to sit, leaning against the bathtub, and slouched until he was almost laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the cold tile on the backside of his body. He groaned. The headache that was coming on was a killer, and he closed his eyes tightly.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up. Emma was standing in the door way, clutching a hotel robe closed around her body. He'd pulled on his boxers on the way into the bathroom, and was glad he had. He let out a low, shudder of a breath, and nodded shakily.

Emma came into the bathroom and sat down beside him, mimicking his posture. Her hand searched for his and she entwined her fingers into his. "Talk to me," she whispered.

"Do you shave your knees?" he asked.

Emma paused. This was a weird question, she thought. She shrugged. "I guess so."

"We were doing a video shoot, for our song As Long As You Love Me, and Nick and I were fooling around trying to hang up a basket ball hoop on the set. We'd comandeered this ladder and I was up on the ladder trying to hang the thing up and these girls - these extras for the set - they walked in... And there was this one girl, and I thought she was amazing and I scrambled down the ladder and I told Nick so, and he told me to go for it, but I felt really shy..." Brian was staring at the little bumps in the ceiling tiles. "So Nick gives me this pep talk and finally I decided to go over and talk to the girl. So I wander over and she has this amazing brown skirt on and a blouse and she's talking to another girl, sitting on this couch and I stand there all stupid-like in front of her, and she finally notices me there and she looks at me and shes like, 'What?', you know because I'm standing there and it's awkward... So I tried to tell her she was beautiful, tried to find some specific feature to compliment on her, tried to get out that I thought she was a goddess, and my eyes landed on her knees and she had like this sheen of peach fuzz on them because she had blonde hair and it was nearly invisible... So in my stammering, blubbering mess of noise, I manage to squeak out, 'Oh my gosh, you're knees are so hairy!'"

Emma choked back a laugh. "Oh my God," she gasped, "You didn't!"

"Uh huh," Brian nodded, "I did."

Emma busted out laughing. "That's too funny," she said, "Oh my gosh. What'd she do?"

Brian laughed, "Well," he said, "She went to her hotel and shaved her knees and came back that afternoon and showed me and I asked her out and we went out and one day, when I was coming out of anestesia..." he smiled sadly, "I asked her to marry me."

"That's how you met Leighanne?" Emma asked, blown away. Yet another thing she could uncheck and remove from their Check List of Perfect Couples in her head. She studied Brian for a long moment, and realized that he hadn't had it perfect, either, out there in the world without her. She looked away as he glanced at her.

"I had a weird dream," he muttered.

"A weird dream?"

"Yeah..." he moved his hand and grabbed onto hers. His eyes slid shut.

Emma turned to look at him again, "What about?"

"The Mad Hatter's Teacup ride at Disney World."

Emma blinked in confusion. She'd been expecting some nightmarish response. "The teacup ride?"

Brian nodded. "It was haunted," he added, "'Cos I was talkin' to a ghost."