Baylee's continued interest in befriending Emma once again shocked Brian two nights later when the boys were planning what to do with a Saturday evening and Baylee asked if Emma would be interested in coming over to watch the Harry Potter movies with them. Brian said he wasn't sure and Baylee persisted until Brian found himself on the phone asking Emma what kind of pizza toppings she liked and if she preferred peanut butter chocolate swirl or cookie dough ice cream.
"Does Emma like Ginger Ale?" Baylee asked in the grocery store when Brian picked up a bottle of Canada Dry for the evening. "Maybe we should get Pepsi."
"Everyone likes Ginger Ale," Brian replied.
"I think we should get Pepsi just in case," Baylee answered, pointing to the bottle. Brian obliged and put it into the cart, not wanting to argue when Baylee was trying to do something nice for Emma. He wondered what had changed in the half an hour that Baylee had been with her... He couldn't help but conjure up the ridiculous image of Emma hovering over Baylee like he'd been abducted and she was the alien performing the experimentations... while laughing morbidly, of course.
At six, Emma was at the door and the pizza delivery was fifteen minutes out. Baylee greeted Emma at the door and pulled her into the house, dragging her up the stairs to his room to show her some stuff he'd made in art class during the week, leaving Brian standing in the aftermath of the whirlwind, holding her coat and bag at the door like Lurch or something.
Baylee pointed to a painting he'd done mimicking Starry Night and exclaimed, "There's like twelve different colors in that even though it really looks like only two! Isn't that weird?"
"Good job," Emma said with a smile. Baylee's enthusiasm was a marked difference from the hatred he'd been dishing prior to the week before. "I love painting," she added.
"You paint?" Baylee asked.
"Yeah I do," she nodded.
"Can I see yours?"
"Sure I'll bring some over sometime if you like."
"We should paint together."
"That sounds like fun."
"My dad doesn't paint, he doesn't like the squishy feeling on his fingers." Baylee wiggled his fingers in the air for Emma to see. "Even though you use a brush, he says it gets on his fingers anyways."
Emma laughed, "Your dad's silly."
"Yeah he is," Baylee agreed. "Do you like Ginger Ale?"
Emma blinked in surprise at the random question, "Umm, it's not my favorite."
"Do you like Pepsi?"
"Yeah," Emma agreed.
Baylee grinned, "I knew it."
"Knew what?"
"Guys?!" Brian's voice carried up the stairs, "The pizza's here. Who's ready to get their Hogwarts on?"
"ME!" Baylee shrieked and he ran for the stairwell. Emma trailed behind, pausing at the door to stare into the vivid blue eyes of a photo of Leighanne that Baylee had hanging on a thumbtack by the door. She heard Baylee's footsteps thundering on the stairs, but still lingered by that photo. Leighanne was smiling in the picture, holding a much younger Baylee's shoulders. He was dressed in a Halloween costume to look like Woody from Toy Story. Emma felt a lump rise in her throat.
"Em? You get lost?" Brian's voice was laughter-filled.
"Sorry," she called back, and forced herself to step forward, to continue moving through this world that didn't really belong to her, but to the woman in that photograph. As she descended the stairs, she felt like she was moving through a dream, or play-acting a role. She smiled and laughed as Brian told jokes and opened up the pizza box and started putting slices onto plates. She helped Baylee get silverware and napkins and cups for the Pepsi and Ginger Ale, and carry them to the living room, where Brian's TV was displaying the menu for Sorcerer's Stone. But all the while, she couldn't help but imagine Baylee and Brian imagining she was someone else.
The third movie was nearly over, Harry and Hermione had rescued Buckbeak and Sirius and the happy ending was impending, and Emma was the only one on the couch still awake. Brian was slouched low into the cushions, and Baylee had slumped over into Emma's lap and fallen asleep there. Pizza crusts littered the plates on the table and empty glasses stood beside them with crumpled up napkins tucked inside. Emma glanced between the two boys and sighed. She nudged Baylee gently, "Balyee," she whispered, "Let's move you to your room, okay?"
"Mmmm." Baylee murmured, struggling to sit up. He looked zombie-like. Emma clicked the remote, sending the DVD to the menu screen, and helped Baylee into a standing position. Guiding him as he stumbled across the room, Emma hovered behind Baylee all the way up the stairs to his room. He crawled into the bed and pulled his blankets up to his chin. "Thanks," his voice warbled sleepily as he tucked himself in.
Emma folded the blankets in around him. "You're welcome," she answered.
Baylee's eyes fluttered, "I'm sorry I was rude to you," he said.
Emma smiled, "It's okay," she answered, "I understand." Baylee hugged his blankets and rolled over. Emma snuck out of the room and back down the stairs. Now she had a much larger Littrell boy to put to bed.
Brian was exactly where she'd left him. She sat back down on the sofa and leaned over him, touching his shoulder. "Brian?" she whispered.
"Hmm?" his eyes stayed shut.
"Brian, you need to go to bed."
His eyes creaked open ever so slightly. He stared at her for a long moment. "I love you," he whispered, his accent thick with sleep.
Emma felt her heart ache within her chest. She wanted so badly to believe that he was speaking coherently, speaking to her. She looked down, away from his blazing eyes and chiseled jaw bone. She felt him shift his weight on the couch. His arms wrapped around her, and he pulled her closer to him, right into his chest. He clutched her, tucking his chin over her head. She sank into him, tears filling her eyes.
"I love you," he said again, his voice almost pleading.
Emma's tears spilled over her eyelids and onto her cheeks. She couldn't stand how heart broken he would be when he realized that he was not holding Leighanne. How disappointed he'd be when he realized she was just Emma - just the girl that he'd never wanted quite the way she'd wanted him. She pulled back, out of the hug, and shuffled across the sofa, away from him. She struggled with herself, fighting the urge to avoid his gaze forever, before looking up and into his eyes once more. Brian was staring down at her gently, his bright blue eyes clouded by impending tears.
"I love you," he said again, his voice desperate.
Emma swallowed back the urge to respond with a jubliant return of the same words. She brought a shaking hand to Brian's knee. "I love you, too," she whispered, speaking truth, though the way an actor might feel speaking it. She was saying words she meant, but he was not hearing them from her but from a woman who was gone forever. Feeling the weight of stepping into the shoes of Leighanne, Emma knew she could never fill that place in either of the Littrell boys' hearts.
After helping Brian to his bedroom, she let herself out the front door and started on her way home. She was nearly back to Molly and Jake's when she saw the sign for the interstate and an unexplainable urge overtook her. She put on her blinker, her heart racing, and drove onto the highway.
