Emma couldn't help but feel like someone was watching her as she made her way through the mall. She kept glancing back over her shoulder, pulling her fishing hat lower oh her head and wrapping her arms around her self, rubbing her arms as though keeping warm. She didn't spot anyone following her. She finally bought a pretzel at a stand by the food court and ducked into the wide open area, certain if Brian had been following she'd spot him now. Her eyes scanned the crowd as she picked pieces off her pretzel. But neither Brian nor his son showed up anywhere and Emma eventually finished the pretzel and hugged her knees to her chest, her shoes balancing on the edge of the metal chair.
She picked at the ripped knee of her jeans and thought about everything that was going on. She'd bumped into Brian twice now, almost, and been rendered speechless and unable to confront him each time. She studied her knee carefully and made a mental note to put lotion on her knee cap when she got home, since it was looking kind of dry. She felt tears well up in her eyes and thought how silly that was until she remembered she'd been thinking about Brian and Brian had an uncanny knack for drawing the tears out of her.
Plus Molly's snap back at the hair salon had really bothered her.
Brian never was, nor would he ever be, Emma's husband, despite how much Molly wanted and believed it.
At least… not… technically.
Emma dropped her feet to the ground and lowered her purse from her shoulder, opening it and pulling out the crumpley, folded yellow sheet of paper from deep within. It was a sheet from a canary yellow legal pad, written on in the chicken scratch handwriting of a high school boy. She ran her hand across the sheet, flattening it and stared at it.
A fire of rage flared up in her suddenly and she wanted to tear the page to shreds. She shoved it back into her purse, angry at it, angry at him, angry at herself, even. She threw her purse to the floor between her feet and dropped her head to the table, burying her face in her arms.
She felt a tap on her shoulder and in the moment of startled frenzied turning, she half expected to see Brian standing behind her. Instead, it was Molly.
Molly scowled. "I couldn't get my mani-pedi without you, it didn't feel right."
"Why on earth not?" Emma asked.
"Because you're supposed to be there and it's lonely without you," Molly replied. She sat down across from Emma. She paused. "And also because I feel like shit for snapping at you."
"Good, you should," Emma answered. She looked away.
Molly sighed, "I'm really sorry Em, I was totally out of line."
Emma nodded, "You were."
"I know this needs to happen on your own time, your own way," Molly said. "I just... God damn it, Em, I just want this to work, you know? I just want everything to be okay again, like it was before."
Emma frowned, "So do I."
Molly sighed.
Emma felt her tears well up again. She looked at Molly with a sidelong glance. "I'm frightened, Molls," she admitted, "I'm frightened to talk to him. What if he doesn't ---"
"He will, Em," Molly interrupted, "He's Brian. He has always had that - that integrity thing going for him, you know? Most guys don't but Brian does."
Emma nodded. "I'm scared, too, though, that he'll think it's the only reason I give a damn."
"Daddy, this is stupid."
"Shhh."
"No, it’s really stupid. You're being stupid.”
Brian sighed. Baylee was right, really, it was stupid, following Emma through the mall. He had no intention of talking to her, no real purpose for watching her really. But it was like… like being at a zoo and being strangely intrigued – or even fascinated – by the animals in their cages. Not that Emma was an animal or caged, for that matter, but it had that same appeal. He pictured a safari he and Nick and Kevin had once gone on during a tour. Nick had worn the goofy hat and drank beer on the African plains while Kevin bitched about everything from the dry heat to Nick’s foot odor, but Brian had snapped over 5,000 photos on like twelve SD cards.
“I’m hungry,” Baylee whined.
“Fine.”
Abandoning following her somewhere around the Abercrombie and Fitch store front, Brian turned and followed Baylee to the food court, dropped twenty bucks on junk food from Chic-Fil-A and sat down with a plastic tray to one side of the court. Baylee was munching quietly, studying Brian, who kept glancing around the food court, eyes scanning constantly for another sighting of Emma.
“Why didn’t you get anything else?” Baylee asked, gesturing toward Brian’s bowl of cole slaw.
Brian glanced down at the cabbage and carrot mush. He shoved his fork around in it. “I didn’t want anything else,” he said with a shrug.
Baylee watched him push the food around. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Brian answered. Baylee raised an eyebrow.
Over Baylee’s shoulder, Brian saw her. Emma. She’d returned from the far end of the mall, carrying a pretzel, and as he watched, she walked swiftly across the food court, glancing behind her, and lowered herself into a chair, staring off into the distance beyond her.
“Hurry up, okay? I wanna go home,” Brian said quickly. He slowly rested his hand against his cheek, blocking Emma’s view of him as she did a sweeping glance across the food court.
“Of course you do,” Baylee muttered. “You always want to go home. We never do anything fun anymore.”
Momentarily distracted, Brian raised his eyebrow back at his son. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said. We never do anything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Brian argued, “Of course we do.”
Baylee rolled his eyes. “We really don’t, actually,” he said.
Brian frowned, “I can’t believe you’re saying that. Just the other day we ….” His voice trailed off. What had they done recently? Surely something. “You go to school every day,” Brian argued, even though he knew it was a weak argument.
“That does not count as doing something,” Baylee responded.
Brian scowled, “You sound like your mother,” he snapped.
As soon as he’d said it, he regretted it.
Baylee looked at him like he’d just been slapped. Baylee set his jaw. “You’re a jerk.”
Molly suddenly appeared at Emma’s table, and Brian watched as the two girls talked, his heart heavy at the negative mention of Leighanne. He felt the muscles in his jaw flex- tightening and loosening as he stared across the food court.
“EARTH TO DAD,” Baylee shouted, breaking into a reverie Brian hadn’t really realized he’d fallen into. Baylee waved his hand in front of Brian’s face and Brian shook his head as he came to. Baylee’s face was pained, annoyed, and strangely free from the weight of his hair. Brian stared at his son, feeling like a different person was sitting across from him, and he swallowed hard, almost unable to recognize the little boy that he and Leighanne had raised. That hair – the hair Leigh had worked so hard to cultivate – it was gone. His eyes strayed back in Emma’s direction as his stomach rolled at the thought of what Leighanne would’ve said if she could see Baylee with this hack of a haircut…
Baylee turned, following Brian’s line of sight and landing on the two girls from the salon – including the one they’d followed all over the mall. He turned back to Brian and scoffed. “You wanna talk about mom?” he challenged, “Yeah? Let’s talk about Mom. Let’s talk about how pissed off mom would be seeing you act like a total jerk following her around,” Baylee demanded, pointing in Emma’s direction. “You’re acting like Uncle Nick.”
Brian’s eyes met Baylee’s. “Uncle Nick? Baylee, you don’t know anything about this, okay?”
“I know you’ve been checking out some girl all day,” Baylee snapped.
“Like I said, you don’t know anything about it,” Brian retorted.
“She needs to go away.”
“What?”
Baylee stood up, abandoned his tray there on the table, and started across the food court. Brian’s palms filled with sweat. “Baylee,” he hissed. He jumped to his feet and rushed after his son, but caught his foot on a chair, tripped, stumbled, and only regained balance by leaning on a table. Baylee was already halfway to Emma by the time Brian refocused. “Shit,” he growled, hurrying after him.
“Hey Lady!”
Emma looked up, expecting to see a confrontation happening a few yards away, but instead found Baylee Littrell staring right at her. Molly looked up too, saw Baylee, looked over Baylee and saw Brian and gasped. Emma glanced at Brian, whose eyes were locked desperately on his son. She looked back at Baylee’s determined, anger-filled face.
“You need to leave Dad alone,” he snapped.
Emma blinked in surprise, “Leave your dad a- alone?”
“Yeah,” Baylee nodded, “I’ve seen you a few times around town, you seem to show up everywhere we go. I dunno who you are, or what your big idea is, but my Dad is married, okay? You need to leave him alone because he’s married and you’re making him look like a stupid player like my Uncle Nick, okay? So go away.”
Molly covered her mouth.
Baylee glared at Emma. “Just quit being around and stuff. You’re not wanted.”
Emma’s mouth flopped like a fish’s.
Brian rushed up behind Baylee. “Baylee, stop it.” He glanced at Emma and Molly, his face pale, his eyes bright with nerves. Molly noticed his hands were shaking as he took hold of Baylee’s shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I’m sorry.” He pulled Baylee toward him, turning him. “I’m sorry,” he added again. He started to walk away.
Molly looked at Emma, her eyes flashing, pushing Emma forward mentally.
“It’s okay,” Emma said, “He’s just a kid.”
Brian paused and turned, “He’s being – he’s rude.”
“He’s upset.” Emma stood up. “It’s okay. Really.”
“It’s not okay,” Baylee yelled, yanking free of Brian’s grasp. He looked at Emma, “You’re making him act crazy and stupid and my mom’s dead but he’s still married to her.”
Emma’s eyes softened and she looked at Baylee. “I’m – I’m sorry,” she said. Her eyes shot to Brian’s, then back to Baylee’s, “About your mom.”
Baylee glowered at Emma.
Brian grabbed Baylee by the shoulders. “Sorry again.” He quickly started to steer Baylee away.
“You look good,” Emma called, “Time’s done you service,” she added.
Brian glanced back at her. “You look –“ he faltered. Good was not the adjective he felt he could use. She really didn’t look good. Not really. She looked… well, skinny, for one. He didn’t know what else. Pale maybe. “You’re taller.”
“Five two,” Emma replied, knowing the struggle he’d just had with the word good. She smiled sadly, “Same as always.”
“It’s been awhile.”
Emma nodded, “Yeah. April 17, 1993.”
Bri bit his lip. “…Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
Brian nodded, his uncomfortable level having reached its pinnacle, “See you around.”
“Yeah… around.”
Emma watched as Brian hurried to get Baylee out of the mall, hunched over, scolding him as they walked. Molly let out a breath of air. “God,” she whispered, “That did not go well.”
“No,” Emma agreed, “It didn’t.”
