Heeeey guess what, I’m drunk…Yep, six years of sobriety down the fucking shitter! I had one fucking shot of beer because I needed to calm my damn nerves.  I’m so fucking pissed, I’m so fucking frustrated and I’m so fucking done with it all.  I’m pissed because Jive promised me this was my time, this was my fucking time and what do I get ten concerts over seas and two in Cali, one of them on mother fucking Easter.  But my fans bless them came out in droves and I thought that would be enough but nooo the douches over at Jive said the music wasn’t ready.  I’m frustrated because while all this bullshit is going on and I’m trying to fight for my career, there’s still been nothing on Nadia.  Day after day I think about my little girl and hope she’s ok, this not knowing what happened to her is eating away at me and it’s eating away at Chelsea and me.  We’re fighting almost everyday now, one of us is either in a mood and pisses the other off or she’s on my ass about my drinking.  She had her suspicions but I kept it hidden with breath spray and mints, until tonight.  I was buzzing pretty good and I forgot to cover up, so when I got home she could smell it.  She tore me a new one and took off to Kevin’s.  Good see ya later, like everyone else in my life, you don’t like the way it’s going so you just ditch instead of helping me fix it.  Just like my Father, ooh my Father, Mr. Fly Out to Paris too see my show, then leaves without saying goodbye. That was ooh about six months ago and I haven’t heard from him since.  What else is fucking new? So excuse me if I wanna have a drink or two so I can just chill. Which is something I’ll do right now since the entire fucking house is mine again.

Chelsea sat on the bed crying as her mind replayed the fight, the yelling, and the smell of booze on him.  It broke her heart to see him like that, she had been told stories about how he use to be and it scared her to think he was going back down that road.  When there was a light tap on her door she quickly wiped her eyes and tried to calm herself.

“Come in.” She said her voice jagged from trying to calm her breathing.

“Hey I just…” Kevin stopped when he saw the state she was in.  “Chelsea.” He said sadly as she started crying again.  Kevin walked over to the bed and sat down beside her.  “What happened?” He asked.

“If…” She stopped and took a breath.  “If I tell you, you can’t tell Tim and Jerald.” She said.

“What did he do?” Kevin asked.  “He cheated on you didn’t he?”

“No” Chelsea said a little annoyed.  “I wish he had.”

“What?” Kevin replied stunned.

“He’s drinking again Kevin.” Chelsea told him.  “I kind of thought he was because he seemed edgy around me sometimes, he’d go out saying he’d be an hour and doesn’t come back for three and he’s been eating a lot of mints.  Then tonight he came home drunk or buzzed and I could smell it on him.” She said as she started crying again.  “I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to just abandon him but what else could I do to get my point across.”

“Nothing Chels you did the right thing.” Kevin told her.  “I”ll go talk to him tomorrow.”

“I just don’t want Tim and Jerald finding out and telling me they told me so.” Chelsea said as she wiped her eyes.

“Do you know why he’s drinking again?” Kevin asked.

Chelsea took a deep breath before she spoke.  “A little bit of everything, his Dad not calling at all, Jive not wanting the solo record, and probably Nadia. Not that he’s talked to me at all.” As she started to calm she started to talk more.  “But why couldn’t he talk to me about it, I know about his Dad, I know how hurt and upset over Jive he is and of course I know how he feels about Nadia.”

“Yeah he’s doing it again.” Kevin said as she got up and walked into the bathroom that was attached to her room.

“Doing what?” She asked from the bathroom.

“It really all comes down to his Dad, he’ll do something that hurts Alex and Alex won’t say anything, then it eats away at him, so he just starts to horde everything inside to mask the pain he feels about his Dad.” Kevin told her as she walked back into the room.  “But last time he also had your death to deal with as well.”

“He knows he can talk to me.” Chelsea said as she sat back down with a slight pout.  “It means it’s bad doesn’t it, of course it’s bad he’s drinking again.” Then she looked at Kevin quickly.  “What if he’s doing drugs again, oh god Kevin?” Chelsea said as she started crying again.

“Would you feel better if I went to talk to him now?” Kevin asked.

“Maybe I should go back.” Chelsea said still in thought.  “He’s obviously hurting and if he’s hurting then I should be there.”

“Chels if you took off and came here it probably pissed him off more and he probably went back out, he could be completely sloshed at some bar by now.” Kevin told her.

“Then I should be there when he gets home.” Chelsea said as she stood up.

“Chelsea.” Kevin said.

“He didn’t walk away from me when I needed him the most, so I can’t walk away from him.” Chelsea said as she started getting her things together.

“You’re not walking away, you can talk to him tomorrow.” Kevin spoke as he stood up.

“No” Chelsea said sternly.  “I need to go home.”

Kevin sighed and then nodded. “Alright, let’s go.”

Chelsea waited by the front door as Kevin told Kristin he was taking her back home.  She said goodbye to Kevin’s wife and then walked out to the car.  Loading her bag into the back seat she opened the front door and climbed in.  The drive home was quiet which was fine by her; it gave her time with her thoughts.  How could she make this better so he wouldn’t be in pain anymore? She thought about how she would react when he came home no doubt drunker than he was when she left.  She thought about what she would say if he was home when she arrived.  Kevin turned down the back ally to AJ’s house and Chelsea saw his car sitting in the drive way.

“Looks like he’s home.” Kevin said as he stopped the car out front. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

“No, it’s ok.” She replied as she grabbed the handle.  “Thanks.”

“Anytime hun, I’ll call you tomorrow ok?” He told her as she got out of the car.

“Ok” She replied before she shut the door and then grabbed her bag from the back of the car.

Taking a deep breath as she walked up the pathway she searched her hand bag for her keys.  She pulled them out as she walked up to the door and slipped them into the lock.  Opening the door she walked into the house.

“Hell-Hello?” She heard from the living room and she could tell by his voice he was drunker than when she left.  Chelsea didn’t say anything as she put her keys away and set down her bag.  A loud bang was heard and then AJ cursed in pain. Chelsea closed her eyes and took another deep breath.  “W-who’s there?” AJ sang and snorted a laugh.

She walked down the hall and into the living room and saw AJ sitting on the floor, a glass of something spilt on the carpet, and a bottle of Jack sitting on the table. Obviously she knew now what that liquid soaking into the rug was.  She looked back at AJ as he stared at her and then she looked at the bottle of booze.  With a grit of her teeth she walked over to the table and grabbed the bottle of Whisky. 

“H-Hey, hey hey hey.” AJ said trying to get to his feet as fast as possible.  “Where you going?” He shouted after her his voice had a tone of innocence to it. She said nothing as she walked out the back doors and across the yard.  “Chelsea” AJ said as he stumbled after her.  Stopping when she was about five feet from the fence at the back of the yard she looked out around the cliff side, she then turned around to AJ as he caught up to her.  “Wh-at are you doing? Give me that.” He said as he went to take it from her but she pulled away and before he could react she chucked the bottle as far as she could.  When the dead of night allowed the bottle smashing against the rocks to be heard AJ looked at her.

Chelsea said nothing to him as she turned around and walked back into the house.  Walking into the living room she picked up the glass and took it into the kitchen.  Grabbing a rag and wetting it, she took out the carpet cleaner and headed back into the room.  As she scrubbed at the rug letting her anger out on the rag, AJ walked into the room.  She knew he was there but she said nothing as she continued to scrub vigorously at the whisky.

“Well since you took everything I had to drink why the hell are you here?” AJ asked as he sat down on the couch.  “Shouldn’t you be at your brothers proving a point to me?”

“And what point is that?” she asked with a sigh as she looked at him.  “That I should just let you fall, let you drink yourself into a stooper cause it’s the only way you’ll learn.” She said with a soft sarcastic tone.  “I may not have a lot of life experience but I always found that AA stuff to be bullshit anyways.” 

AJ looked at her confused.  “They call it a disease, a sickness, but yet you’re not supposed to help them. Well I am sorry but I don’t work like that, when someone I love and care about is sick, I’m doing everything in my power to help them.”  Chelsea stood up as she collected the cleaning supplies.  “Even if that means I have to put bolt locks on the inside of this house to keep you from going out.”

She walked into the kitchen and put the rag into the sink.  Looking at her hands she noticed they were shaking.  Closing her eyes she tried to push out the anger, angry at him for giving in and drinking, angry at his Father for treating AJ the way he does, and angry at herself for not doing more.  As she stood there calming herself she heard the footsteps of her husband going up the stairs and then the slamming of their bedroom door.

“Good, maybe you’ll pass out now.” She mumbled as she sat down on a kitchen stool.  With a sigh she looked out the back glass doors, her mind drifted to a time when things were much easier even though at the time it seemed liked they weren’t. The lily decorated stage that sat above the pool, the people sitting at tables around the backyard, and the two of them dancing.  When the memory of how she felt on her wedding day rushed through her, Chelsea closed her eyes trying to trap her tears.