It was the summer of 2010 and I was getting bored. My friends had all gone camping God knows where and I was home. Alone. My boyfriend and his ‘dudes’ had taken a trip down to Daytona for 2 weeks, and of course, his plans did not include moi. But that’s okay. I was used to being on my own during summers. See, I’m a High School teacher and of course, I get 2 weeks for Christmas, one in March for Spring Break and yes, you know it, July and August. Jeff, my man, usually works all summer long. He’s a pharmaceutical engineer and his job is at its peak during July and August. He has meetings, presentations and lectures all over the country. I’ve gotten used to it, for we’ve been together for a little over 3 years now. So that’s 3 summers, this one being the third.

During my time off, I read a lot. I take care of the garden (that Jeff started in a small green house in my basement) and read. Oh wait, I said that already…

I don’t have a lot of people to hang out with during the day; none of my friends are teachers. In fact, I’m the one with the highest education. I managed to get a college Degree (hold on, make that 2 Degrees). Funny enough, I was voted most-likely-to-work-at-Walmart-after-their-12th-grade. Ironically, majority of my friends work at Walmart, Costco or at a bank. What’s that second degree about, you ask? Before becoming a teacher, I tried my luck at something else. Something that did not involve chalks or grammar books. I graduated (with honours I should mention) and earned a degree in Urology. Go ahead, google it and have a good laugh.

Done now? Good.

My sister, who happens to be 10 years older is an OB-GYN and when I was younger, I would flip through the pages of her books. I couldn’t figure out why a girl would be interested in, ahem, girl ‘stuff’. For the longest time I thought my sister was a lesbian. Now married with 3 kids, I guess it’s out of the question. Anyway, when I was about 17, my sister brought a book from University about ‘the urinary track’ and found it somewhat puzzling. The rest is easy to figure out:  I graduated from University and became a Urologist. I was still staying at my parents’ and my dad found it weird that I would ‘touch’ penises (and ‘rear ends’ as he would call them) all day and still be his daughter with whom he could play cards with Oreos and milk at night. So I bought my own place after about a year’s worth of salary. Ended up paying for it cash, because the salary was quite decent. Go ahead again, google it…

I took a few classes at night because I was bored. Took a few grammar classes. Teaching had always been my first choice growing up. So within 2 years I managed to get my Degree in teaching. I did bat my eyelashes at the guy at the registration office at University because I wanted some courses to be ‘approved’ as complementary courses from my previous years…And it worked. I was 12 credit short from graduating but Stanley (and my charms..) changed a few letters here and numbers there and voila, I was officially a teacher.

In 2007, I changed careers overnight. My first diagnosed prostate cancer with polyps did that to me. Sure, I had seen some in books and during my interships, but that was totally different. I applied at this High School in May of 2008 and they gave me the job after the interview. Of course, I didn’t tell St.Luke’s Hospital until late July. The rest is history.

So there I was, summer of 2010 knocking at my door and I wanted to make the best of it.  I went out with a few of my girlfriends, but always ended up back home around 1am; they have kids now. I don’t. Jeff was all set up for his big day (D-day as he called it..D for Daytona of course) and we went out for diner. We had an interesting conversation that night…

-Hey Hannah, I know this isn’t gonna come out right, but I was wondering if, well…are you happy with your, ahem, you know, those? Jeff said

-Jeff, are you pointing at my boobs?

-With your height and all, I thought you could maybe be, you know, bigger?

-I’ve thought about it…Are you saying you’re not happy with what I have to offer?

-No! Huh yes…I didn’t mean it that way.I just thought that well, you’re pretty and tall and slim and I’m sure you could pull off a bigger size. Like a full C or even a D.

-Okay, I see someone’s been doing research. Feels weird, coming from my boyfriend…

-Just think about it, you would stop complaining about how hard it is to find a proper bra for your heigh and size. And I’ve overheard you talking about with Judy the other day. I know you’re not happy with your small B and well,…

So we indulged ourselves in our sumptuous Caramel cheesecake and remained silent until we hit the car. We got home, went to bed, kissed goodnight and Jeff left a few hours later. He smirked and said ‘I’ll call you when we get there, and think about what I said last night’. The next day, I slept in until 11am, having weird dreams.

A week had gone by and Jeff was having a blast in Daytona. He called me every other night or texted me. I tried talking with my girlfriends about the possibility of getting an enhancement, but none of them seemed to think I needed it. Sure, I was tall and slim but without the help of Victoria and her secret, I was barely a B.

Judy, my best friend called me on a Sunday after breakfast. She told me about this cruise that the Backstreet Boys were going to be part of. She had gotten a cabin (2 spots) and was offering me the spot (in exchange of 1299$). Why not, I thought. Never really been their biggest fan, but I do like cleaning the house with their music in the background, it gets me going. And yes, I had a poster up on my wall as a late teenager. But Justin (rival!) had won my heart back then.  Plus, it was right after Thanksgiving and I had 2 ped days to take anyway. I said yes and had to hang up; Jeff was on call waiting. I had read about the cruise on Perez Hilton.com and even though I thought it was a bit pathetic, the thought of being part of something like this excited me. Hell, 4 days at sea with booze and sun!

First week of August, I called an ex-colleague of mine at St.Luke’s and he hooked me up with Dr. Sallinger . Why? Well, my bikini was somewhat ‘empty’ if you know what I mean. Took out my check book, made an appointment and entered ‘August 26th’ in my iPhone as ‘C+ day’. And yes, I got it done. Didn’t tell Jeff because he left the day before for Germany, where he was spending 2 months with his new company, GSK.

September rolled around and I was all tied up with school. Couldn’t move much, let alone breathe. My boobs healed up fine, but couldn’t move my arms all that much. I had to use the computer a lot because I couldn’t write on the board. None of my students noticed, and I don’t think my colleagues noticed either. I was a member of the ‘push up bra fan club’ prior to surgery so other teachers never saw the difference. I think.

October and November went by so fast. Jeff and I talked on the phone almost every night. I still hadn’t told him about my ‘new’ puppies. Right when I was about to hint something, he told me his boss wanted him to stay an extra 5 weeks in Germany and wanted to check with me if it was okay. Told me I could visit him for Thanksgiving. Which I couldn’t do. Had to spend it with my parents. I thought my boobs would make an amazing Christmas present because I was expecting him to be back around the 2nd week of December.

So that night, I started preparing for the cruise. My flight was booked and honestly, I couldn’t wait to get wasted on that boat. And couldn’t wait to meet the BSB, because Judy said we would. I had never met them, only seen them live in concert twice. Back when AJ would hump the floor and Howie would wink at anything and everything (read: anyone and everyone).

Morning of the departure Jeff texted me to inform me he had won a prize with GSK. I was proud of my man and wanted to have him near me. I missed his touch and his grins, his stupid jokes and his dirty socks scattered all around the room…Ok, maybe not the socks.

Our flight was hell. Turbulence, turbulence and more turbulence. I had come prepared; I still had my doctor licence and got myself some Vicodin and Lorazepam. How do I know about the turbulence you ask? Judy…and her finger nail imprints on my right forearm.

1st DAY OF THE CRUISE

We checked into our very small cabin and Judy mixed us some drinks. I was tired; hadn’t slept much the night before and the side effects of the Vicodin were kicking in. So we had a few drinks and then headed out. We met a lot of crazy fans (when I say crazy, I mean CRAY-ZAY) as well as super nice ones. We got invited to this room party later that night and we said ‘sure’. First diner (in evening dresses please!), then first bottle of Veuve Cliquot, first run up the stairs in heels and first ‘oh my god I lost my room key’.  I was doing commando under that black cocktail dress; my boobs didn’t need any help and panties? 36 degrees…Need I say more?

Judy and I went to the party we had been invited too. It was a big room. Much bigger than ours. Didn’t know whose it was but it seemed cozy and inviting althought there were at least 20 people there already. I couldn’t make out what the music was in the background, but the up-tempo beat sounded good. I walked past a full length mirror, glanced at myself and thought ‘hmm..not bad!’. (black cocktail dress, cotton. Wraps behind the next and nice deep V at the front. I got new boobs, remember?). My hair was down, effortless. So Julie and I went our separate ways and she sat with a bunch of girls. I was offered a glass of champagne by this girl and then continued exploring the room. A tall girl and  what seems like Nick Carter (that’s the part where you go ‘OMG!’) waved my way and asked me to sit down with them. ‘Hi! Yes, wow, you’re tall like me! ‘Hey, I’m Lauren’ the girl said. Nick also introduced himself. I was a little bit in shock; I didn’t know they were going to be at this party. Then I was told it was their party. Nick was busy answering questions from fans and Lauren seemed bored. So we made small talk, ‘Are you enjoying your time on the boat?’ Lauren asked me. I said I was. We drank and talked some more and had totally forgotten about Judy, who was totally oblivious as to where I was.

Lauren told me she was Nick’s girlfriend and was surprised I didn’t know. I told her I liked their music and all, but that was about it. After what seemed to be our 2rd, or maybe 3rd bottle of Veuve Cliquot we were both up, trying to figure out who’s taller. She won. It was as if we had been friends all our lives. Comparing weights and wrapping our index fingers and thumbs around our wrist to see who’s got the smallest bone structure, and then she dropped the bomb. The question of all questions. She asked me about my, ahem, boobs. She barely knew me! But before I could say anything, she said ‘hey, Hannah , it’s okay, I got mine done too’! So we laughed it off and did a shot of god-knows-what that Nick had placed in front of us while stroking Lauren’s back.  He then asked me some questions, the usual where-when-what-how old- and found it funny that Lauren and I were the same height, same size and same hair. ‘Hey, Hannah, first time on a cruise ship, right?’ Nick said. I told him that yes it was. I felt somewhat embarrassed, and asked WHY he knew. ‘Easy, you know, your phone has been beeping a lot, and we’re on international waters, networks are extremely pricy so most of us here have ours turned off so we don’t get charged 8$ a minute!’ I felt like an idiot. Then my phone beeped again. I glanced at my watch, tried to make out the time difference and then saw ‘new text message’. It read:

Hann, tried calling U 5 x. Not coming back from Germany until Jan. Plz don’t be mad. Think we should take a break. Plz don’t be mad.Its lonely here in Grmny.  Jeff xox

To tell you the truth, I was not surprised. Had hadn’t seen each  other in 4 months and even though I was starting to miss him, I had grown accustomed to being alone. He was supposed to be gone for a few months, then another one, then 5 more weeks, then…Who knew. My friends (and even I) were beginning to think that maybe he had hooked up with somebody from Germany and didn’t want to come back, and GSK was his excuse.

 Lauren saw the puzzled look on my face and asked me what that was all about. ‘Looks like I got dumped by my boyfriend’ I managed to get out. ‘No shit! Through a text message’ ? Nick added. Lauren was shocked, more than me I think (it was probably because I was slightly intoxicated) and Nick said ‘Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. I’ve done it once and felt like a douche afterwards’. I laughed and pretended not to be disappointed. We drank some more, but I was not paying attention to what was being said. Judy came over, said HI to Nick and said she was going to another room party with 2 of her new friends. She told me not to wait for her because she would probably drink her ass off and get back around 5am or 6. There were about 15 of us now in the room. Girls were pushing against my seat because they wanted to be close to Nick, and I had never felt so distant in my life. Nick offered me a shot, which I gladly accepted and I felt a single tear coming from the corner of my left eye. ‘Aaaw, Hannah are you going to be alright?’ Lauren said. I was all smiles so she assumed that meant ‘yes’. Both Nick and Lauren wrapped their arms around me and said ‘you’ll be okay’. But I think at that point, I was okay. I was mad, not because I had been dumped. I was mad because I got these amazing boobs done for him. Okay, for myself too, but he’s the one who initiated it. I felt the power of tequila-vodka taking over,

‘I will be okay. Don’t worry about me. You got your fans to worry about; you don’t want to end up raped by one of them over there, gosh look at her!  Lauren, you’re awesome. I’m jealous because your boobs have been touched. I got mine done in August and Jeff-the-scum-bag hasn’t even seen them or touch them. I got virgin new titties. No one but myself has seen them, and no one has given them a test-drive. I don’t even know how they feel. (grabbing my dress )Look, they look awesome behind this fabric, don’t they!’

Lauren laughed and laughed and said ‘oh my, you’re funny! Where have you been all my life!’ But Nick was not paying attention to what Lauren was saying. He was staring at me, or my chest if you will. I went on talking about my former job as a urologist and how Jeff thought it was super cool that I knew my way around a dick because I had read and learned about ‘em.  Lauren was asking me all kinds of kinky questions (about hairs, curved dicks and odd shaped balls to name a few) and Nick kept saying ‘You’re a penis doctor?’. I said ‘yes’. Lauren wanted to know if I had tricks to give her, like you know, tricks-tricks. Told her my job consisted in touching, not blowing. Lauren laughed louder this time (probably because her champagne glass was never empty) and Nick blushed and you could tell he was intimidated by that comment of mine. I told Lauren (trying to whisper to Nick wouldn’t hear me) that since I knew all about the muscles and nerves in and on there, I could hint a few things. She offered to get another bottle of champagne (to get me talking) and Nick got 3 more shots our way. Lauren and I were talking while Nick was signing autographs and motioned for a bodyguard to come our way. It was almost 3am and Lauren was starting to fall in and out of sleep on the couch. I was tipsy, but not drunk. My brain was thinking about Jeff too much to be allowed to be plastered. Then this HUGE bodyguard came my way and I heard Nick say ‘She can’t go to her room alone, can you take her?’. Lauren had fallen asleep on the couch and Nick told everyone to leave, in a very polite way. He got Lauren to go to her bedroom (weren’t they sharing a room?)and this guy (Mike, I think?) came to my side and helped me up. To my surprise, he was about my height. ‘So, where am I taking you?’  I said I was in 4017. Nick came out of his room and followed behind Mike. To my surprise, the corridors were empty. I thought fans would camp outside their rooms to see Nick’s elbow or Brian’s hair. I opened my door and Julie was missing. I thanked Mike and said goodnight. I went in, not bothering to turn the lights on and fell backwards on my bed. I let out a big sigh as I put my clutch on the night stand. That’s when I heard ‘aren’t you gonna turn on the lights’? I jumped off my bed and fell on my ass. ‘What the fuck!’ I managed to get out. Then I heard ‘Hey, c’mon, it’s Nick’. He turned the lights on and it was indeed him…