I physically enjoyed every single minute of what I'd just experienced but beyond that, she'd drained me emotionally. I'd given her my very soul and she took it like the devil himself. Had I been so blind as to see what she was really like all those years? Was I really that naïve? Who was I kidding?! I was sexually moronic. I was a virgin until I was twenty five for crying out loud! My friends always asked me what I was waiting for. It's not like I didn't have the offers. I told them I had to be in love. Sex was never just about just the physical for me. I couldn't just jump into bed with a man without knowing his heart was there with mine. Apparently I'd been fooled over the years because the first time I shared a bed with Donnie, I knew his heart was there. Maybe it's that little girl dream of your Prince Charming and everything being perfect. Ideally, that whole heart thing should come on your wedding night but we live in different times. That wasn't going to happen. It came when it did. And if things had worked differently, Donnie and I might have been together all this time and there wouldn't be a Roxy.
I sat up and pushed away the freshest batch of tears I'd been crying. She'd been gone quite awhile and it didn't occur to me that something else could be going on. What I wasn't sure but it would be a good time to get the hell out of here and never come back but I had to tell her it was over. That I didn't want this anymore. My heart belonged to Donnie. It always had and I screwed up royally. I dressed slowly and slid on my flats. Like I said, I couldn't just leave without telling her to stay the hell away from me and the man I love. I made my way down the hall to the living room and saw my purse exactly where it had been dropped. I picked it up and went in search of her. Then I heard it.
“Oh shit!”
That was her voice. What the hell was going on?! Maybe I should have just left at that point. It's not like she would have noticed my absence. At least from the sounds of it. I moved closer to the noise.
“Fuck you feel so good Rox!”
Now that one I didn't know. I knew she had a male roommate but I didn't think he was straight. I cautiously peered around the corner and nearly lost my lunch. There she was. Bent over the barstool with Mike shoving his dick into her. I really had no idea how depraved Roxy was. If she could have had it both ways in life she would have. Been a man for me then when she was done, let him fuck her.
“Fuck Mike.... oh yeah....That's.... the …....spot...... FUCK!”She screamed as he slammed into her.
He groaned and looked up to see me standing there. It's like a bad train wreck. You want to look away but you can't. Maybe some unconscious part of me was turned on by it. I didn't think so the way my stomach had twisted up in knots.
“So is this your princess Rox?”He chuckled and she looked up at me. Neither of them had any shame.
“Isn't she gorgeous?” Roxy grinned back to him like I wasn't in the room.
“She is a sweet piece. I could tap that. Think she'd let me?” He uttered the last part in her ear.
“You're sick. Stay away from me. Both of you.”But directing it more toward Roxy. I turned and ran for the door. If she hadn't figured it out by that point, she wasn't as intelligent as everybody in my life was telling me she was.
“Please don't go Goddess.”
I turned at her voice. She was still naked as could be. You can do this I told myself.”Don't come any nearer to me. So that's why you didn't need to get off. You had Mike waiting in the wings.”
“But you're the one I love Goddess.”
“No you don't. You love Roxy and Roxy alone. As long as she's getting what she wants, you don't give a shit about what the rest of the world wants. I can't believe I was so stupid as to believe you actually wanted me for more than what I could do for you in the bedroom. Hell, you really don't even know what I'm capable of in there. You never gave me the chance to show you!”
“You don't know what you're saying beautiful. You can't believe I planned that do you?”
“I may be a little naïve Roxy but he was just waiting for you to finish me off so he could stick his dick in you. I wouldn't be surprised if you left the goddamn door open so he could watch us.”
She smirked.
“Oh God! They were all right about you! You need serious help. Don't ever fucking come near me again! Don't call me.... just DON'T!” I grabbed the door handle behind me and turned it.
I was just about out the door when she mused,” I wonder what your precious Donnie would think about his princess watching me get my brains fucked out or that she fucked me before she did.”
I turned around and walked over to her and whacked her across the cheek. She was low but I didn't think she was that low.”You have no right to mock something you'll never understand the meaning of.”
“You're right. I won't because I won't subject myself to it. True love only exists in fairytales darling.”
“Then you never were in love with me if that's true.”
“Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't but you'll never know.”
“Because I know where the real deal is and if I haven't already fucked it up enough, he'll understand. Love is about give and take. You just take from people. That's all you've done. That's all you'll ever do so go ahead and tell him if it makes you feel better but he won't give up on me. That I do know.” This time I walked away. He hadn't abandoned me yet. I could at least walk away from her confident in that knowledge. He loved me. I wasn't confused anymore. The only thing I'd ever felt for her was a physical attraction. Sure I found women attractive but I didn't want to play with them anymore. At least when a man screwed around on you, you knew it. Us ladies were different stories. We're conniving and sneaky when we want to be. I hailed a cab and gave the driver the address. I wanted to be with him but I think we both needed a couple more days to let everything sink in.
DONNIE
I looked at the clock on the wall. Three straight up. This time last week WE were doing our usual Sunday afternoon in front of the TV. Well not usual but we were still together. Now I wasn't sure where things were. I know I didn't want her gone but she'd made a choice that I couldn't understand. Wasn't sure I wanted to. There were things going on in my head I wasn't sure I wanted to comprehend. Why did I feel the need to be a part of what Roxy was giving her? I was supposed to want that fantasy. According to society I was but Meg wasn't that kind of girl and just because I had the opportunity didn't mean I was going to follow through on it. Lumpy stirred and I rubbed his stomach. The lug was stretched out alongside the front of the couch. If life were only as easy as that.
Jon had left just before noon and I was surprised I hadn't taken something and slammed it against a wall since that time. I knew she was with Sharon. I'd opened the door for her last night. Didn't pay much attention to her and she didn't look at me like I was a disease so I knew that Meg had told her the whole story. Sharon had threatened to do harm to my man parts if she heard I was so much as looking at another woman. Ironic that Meg was the one looking at other women. Since the day I met her, some part of me knew that we would end up together. I knew because the first time we kissed, I was practically speechless. Wow. That's all I could get out before walking away from her. I vowed that if I was ever so lucky to find her again, that I'd never let her go but here I was, pushing her out of my life. What was I supposed to do? I was hurt, angry...you name it, I'd pretty much felt it over the last eighteen hours and twenty four minutes. I hadn't started counting the seconds but she meant that much to me that I would have. I heard my cell phone go off . Picking it up, I looked at the number. It was the 'office'. They'd changed my call time for an hour earlier the next morning. After hanging up with them, I picked it up and dialed Sharon's number. I knew we needed the distance but I needed to know she was okay.
“Hey,” she greeted.”Something I can do for you?”
“How is she?”
“You kicked her out. You tell me.”
“I thought we were cool.”
“We are but I also know that she's so mixed up now she doesn't know if she's coming or going. She needed your understanding, not a good swift kick in the ass out the door.”
“Then I take it she's not with you.”
“No. She decided she was going to confront Roxy this morning. I haven't seen her since.”
I knew I shouldn't have been angry about that but I was. I knew she was going to have to confront Roxy eventually. I just hoped she'd never have to look the bitch in the face again. I didn't know what to say.
“If it's any consolation Donnie, I know she's not confused about the way she feels about you. We all know she was a late bloomer right? Easy to see how this could mess with her head.”
“I didn't know I was the first guy she ever kissed in her life until Jon told me last night and as for 'this mess', that's not what's messing with her head. You and I both know that.”
“I know but we also know Meg tends to want to find the good in people. I just hope Roxy does something so sick to open her eyes to reveal her true colors.”
“You and me both. But as for how she's doing?” I returned to the initial question.
“She just walked in. I'll get back to you on that.” And hung up.
That couldn't be good. Fuck! I just wanted my life back. The one that included her.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Saturday again....Boo! But enjoy this one and hopefully I'll have another for you by Tuesday! Later!
