Chapter Thirteen
I decided to let Kim be and went home, pissed at myself for not thinking more. I paced around the apartment a bit, and watched the cafe from my window. When she left I was gonna go down and apologize to her and explain myself a little better. I couldn't believe I'd been so focused on what I was getting out of the deal to even think about what would happen between me and Kim. I mean sure we were just starting to go out, we'd only been on two dates... but it had felt like more than that.
Maybe she felt that, too.
The cafe was about to close up when my phone rang and I picked it up. "Hello?"
"Ben? This is Brian."
"Hey." I was pressed against the glass of the window, fogging it up with my breath, holding the phone to my ear as I stared down at the cafe. "What's up?"
"Well, I gotta drive the Wylee trailer up to the first date in Tennessee and I was thinkin' you ought to drive up with me."
"Okay." No sign of Kim yet.
"So if you give me directions to your place, I'll pick you up Monday morning, okay?"
"Wait. What?"
"Your place. Your house? Es su casa?"
"Oh. Yeah." I recounted the directions to my apartment building to him as he listened and "uh-huh"-ed and made various other sounds of understanding. Brian promised to be at my place on Monday by 9:30 in the morning. By the time he'd hung up, I looked back down at the cafe and its lights were out and Kim was nowhere on the street to be found.
The next morning, first thing, I ran across the street to the cafe. Kim was at the register, but the moment she saw me come through the door, she booked it into the backroom like her feet were on fire. I headed to the counter and started to dodge around it to follow after her when a fat Italian guy with a shock of brown hair like Einstein stood in front of me. "What do you want?" he asked.
"Can I talk to Kim a second?" I requested.
"She doesn't wanna talk to you."
"Well it's important," I persisted.
"She's not here."
"I just saw her go in there," I said, waving at the door to the backroom.
He shook his head, "Employees only. Health code."
"Fine." I backed up to a table a couple feet away, "I'll sit here and wait, then."
"Only paying customers sit at tables," he answered.
"Well freaking A, I'll take a medium coffee, then," I replied, pulling my wallet out and holding up three ones. "Can I sit here now?"
He gestured toward the front of the counter, "There's a line, you can't cut. Go wait in line."
I glowered at him as I stood up and went over and stepped in line behind the one person that was waiting there. The guy stood in front of the door to the kitchen like he was a bouncer, his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me like I was about to take a run into the backroom. His eyes were beady. I sighed as a waitress who was not Kim asked what I wanted and I had to explain how the Usual was made and hope that she got it right (she didn't). When she returned from the hack job of applying cream, sugar, and nutmeg, I looked at her name tag and saw her name was Meghan.
"Meghan," I started, "Can you do me a favor?"
"Um maybe."
"Can you tell Kim that Stock Boy is here and desperately needs to speak with her?"
"No inter-staff messages," the guy called from the door to the backroom. "If Kim doesn't want to see you, you're gonna respect that, you hear me?"
I looked at the coffee as Meghan made change from my three ones in an awkward silence. I felt so frustrated. I looked up at him, "Look, I just wanted to tell her that I was sorry for not thinking about how she'd react to the news I told her yesterday, that I'm not leaving forever, that I wanna call her every night I'm gone, that I don't wanna leave her, that she's awesome and beautiful and the best fucking thing that's happened to me since I lost my memory and if I could remember before that, I could say ever in my life because even without my memory I'm pretty sure that's true because she's amazing and beautiful and I think I might love her." My voice had raised so I knew it carried into the backroom. People were staring at me from all around the cafe. The guy looked kinda pissed. "That's all I wanna tell her, thats it."
"Well she's not here, so split."
I sighed. "Fine." So I left.
I spent the rest of Sunday afternoon packing and wondering if Kim had heard my little speech at the cafe, if she'd respond or if I'd completely blown it with her. I shoved t-shirts and jeans and socks and stuff into the duffle bag I'd left the Center with and a couple books. It didn't take much before I felt fully packed, I mean I only started out with a limited number of things to begin with. I sat down on the couch and flicked on the TV set to take my mind off Kim.
Even the TV was being evil to me. I turned it on and it was Cheers, which remined me of Kim because a bar is sort of similar to a cafe. I changed it and it was Friends where Rachel was bugging Gunther for coffee and a muffin. Change; Dumb & Dumber, the scene where Jim Carrey calls the waitress Flo. Change; a movie called Waitress that I'd never seen before. Change; an episode of Unwrapped on Food Network about coffee. I turned the TV off and laid down, sprawled across the sofa.
The phone rang. I sat up and took it off the cradle. "Hello?"
"It's Brian. Hey, Leighanne wants to know if you like granola bars, and what kind of soda you like? We're packing traveling snacks."
"Uh sure," I answered.
"Okay. Cool, we'll pack extra Kudos and stuff. Do you like Sprite?"
"I guess so."
"Leighanne, he likes Sprite. Throw some Sprite in!" I heard a muffled reply from Leighanne, then Brian came back on the phone, "This is gonna sound weird but your voice sounds really familiar on the phone," he laughed.
"It does?" I asked. My head was starting to ache.
"Yeah." Brian paused, "I'd tell ya who you sound like but that'd be just crazy so I'm gonna hang up. See you on the A- M," he chirped out the words.
"Okay," I replied, my head hurting too much to really pay attention to his words. "See you in the morning."
"Gotta go," he sang out and the line disconnected.
I dropped the phone onto the floor with a sigh and rolled over on the couch.
The next thing I knew, the phone was ringing again. I rolled over to pick it up. My mouth tasted like shit. I coughed and kicked one of the ugly throw pillows that had come with the apartment off the couch and flipped onto the floor. The phone was still ringing. "What the hell time is it?" I muttered to myself. Light was streaming through the window already. "God," I moaned. I grabbed the phone. "Hello?"
"Goooood morning!" Brian's voice was like cold water being thrown over my body - he was a morning person, oh God. "C'mon down buddy! Me and the Purple People Eater are a'waitin' at the curb."
My eyes landed on a clock. It was 9:15. Shit. "I'll be down in a couple secs," I answered.
"Okie dokie!" Brian sang out.
I threw the phone down on the couch and sprinted into the bathroom to get ready. My hair stuck up like I'd been electrocuted. I tried to smoosh it down but there was no hope in that. I ducked my head into the sink and soaked it in hopes that would tame it. I wrapped a towel over my head to help it dry, lathered my toothbrush and got to work on my morning mouth.
By 9:37 I was jogging across the parking area outside my apartment building to Brian's SUV. I grabbed the passenger side door handle to find it locked and looked inside and realized Brian wasn't in there. I looked around.
The cafe. He must've gone to get coffee, I realized. I sighed.
The walk across the street seemed to take forever, with my duffle bag flung over my shoulder. I stared at my sneakers the entire way. Brian was sitting at a table, drinking what looked like hot chocolate. "This place is pretty good," he said, hoisting his cup up to me like a salute.
"Yeah."
"You come here often?" he asked. "You should if you don't."
"Everyday," I replied. I glanced at the counter. She was up there and the big scary guy was not. "I'm gonna go get coffee," I said. Brian nodded, taking a sip of his chocolate. I walked up to the register. Kim didn't see me. I know she didn't because she looked shocked when she looked up. "Hey," I said.
"The usual?" she asked, and turned to the coffee.
I nodded, but she'd already started making it anyways. She put the cap on it. "Two-fifteen," she said, sliding it across the counter to me.
"Did you hear the stuff I said yesterday?" I asked.
Kim waited for the money.
I sighed and shoved three dollars at her. "Keep the change." I turned with my coffee and headed towards Brian.
"You have eighty-five cents here," she said, "Ben, take your eighty-five cents."
Brian stood up and held open the door for me.
"I told you to keep the change, Kim," I replied.
"I don't want your damn change."
"I don't want it either," I answered. I followed Brian out the door and we headed across the street.
"BEN!" Kim's voice echoed off the apartment buildings.
Brian glanced at me, eyebrow raised, and a smile playing on his lips. "I'll... meet you at the car." He sped up to a jog. I sighed and stopped on the sidewalk and turned back to watch Kim as she ran across the street, her fist hoisting the eighty-five cents.
She shoved the change into my hand. Three quarters and a dime. "Take your fucking change," she demanded.
I stared at her, stared into her eyes. "I love you," I said because I did.
Kim scowled. "I love you too," she answered, "And you better call me everyday. And I expect you to say those things you said in the cafe again to me sometime instead of screaming them at Joe." With that, she turned and flounced away back to the cafe without another word.
I laughed to myself and joined Brian in the SUV. He looked at me curiously, "Women troubles?"
"Not anymore," I answered.
"Break up?"
"Nawh, first time we ever said I love you, actually."
Brian laughed and shook his head, "Well alllllrighty then."
After Self by Pengi
