Chapter Nineteen
The next few shows went smoothly, bringing us from Indianapolis to Baltimore to Philadelphia to Boston to Montreal. We were travelling to Toronto the next day and I was helping to roll the stuff back to the 18-wheelers from the back doors of the Bell Centre (which is very inconviently located on a 90 degree hill, by the way, which is a great help when you're rolling big heavy things on wheels - I almost got run over by equipment like twelve times) when AJ showed up, cigarette hanging from his mouth. He trotted along behind me. "Hey," he said.
"Hey," I grunted, trying to push the piece across the slanting pavement.
AJ took a long drag off his cigarette, "You're not like married, right?"
"Not last I checked," I answered. I hoisted the case onto the ramp leading into the 18-wheeler and doubled back for another one from the arena. "Why? You interested?"
AJ literally snorted, "Uh no, thanks, though."
"So why the sudden interest in my marital status?" I questioned. I grabbed another piece and started back towards the 18-wheeler. Again, AJ followed.
"Okay so it's like this. Monkee has a friend --"
I paused. "Monkee?"
"My Ro-Ro," he said, waving his wedding-banded fingers at me. His blacknail polish had glitter in it. I raised an eyebrow. "Anyways, Monkee has a friend and this friend's in town and this friend wants to hang out with Monkee tonight but Monkee and me had plans and I don't want to reschedule my plans and Monkee's friend wants to hang out with Monkee soooo..." he blew out a mouthful of smoke.
"I'm kinda working," I said.
"So? Fuck work."
"I need the money," I answered.
AJ reached for his wallet, "How much?"
"What?"
"Ten? Twenty bucks?"
"AJ..."
"Fifty? A hundred?"
"Dude..."
"Five hundred. Final offer."
"You should've been a pimp, you know that, right?" I asked.
"So you'll do it?"
I sighed and shoved the case I was struggling with onto the 18-wheeler. I turned to AJ. "No, and here's why. First of all, I don't think it's a great idea to be pimping out your roadies..."
"Hey if it works..." AJ shrugged.
"Second of all, I don't know this girl. She could be the most boring person I've ever spoken to in my life. I could want to blow my brains out in five seconds or less with her and be stuck with her because you paid me five hundred bucks."
"From what I hear it won't be your brains that'll be being blown, if you know what I'm sayin," AJ wiggled his eyebrows.
"And while that's quite the endearing offer," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "My third, final, and most important reason is that I don't want to."
"Six hundred."
"Does your wife know you're down here trying to pay me to distract her friend?"
AJ tossed his spent cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "Please?"
I sighed. There was something about AJ - I think it was the wide brown eyes - that was hard to say no to. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Look, even if I did want to, and even if it wasn't completely fucked up that you were back here asking me this..." I said, "Honestly, she probably wouldn't wanna go out with me anyway."
"Why the hell not?" AJ asked, "You're a good guy, you're funny, you --"
"I look like a fucking beast," I answered, cutting him off, "Have you seen me in the daylight before? Seriously..."
"It's not that bad."
"Besides, I have a girlfriend."
"But she's not here, is she?" AJ asked.
"Well no but I --"
"And you get dinner for free."
I sighed. "And how am I supposed to get to Toronto if I do this? The van's leaving right after we get this shit loaded so we can get to the next stop on the tour, remember? You guys might be flying over but we get to drive all night so we have time to get your damn stage put together in time."
"I'll hook you up, you seriously think I'd leave you hanging?" AJ asked. He looked much more hopeful now.
I sighed again.
"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaaaase," he begged, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet, like a little girl.
"Jesus, fine," I interrupted him.
"YES!" he shouted in triumph.
"But you get to explain it to Rick," I said, pointing to where Rick was standing, motioning for me to break it up with AJ and get back to work.
AJ grinned. "Piece of cake. See you at the hotel, in the lobby, in thirty minutes?"
I was so gonna regret this.
After Self by Pengi
