Chapter Twenty-One
That night, I had strange dreams. Haunting dreams. Dreams that felt like more than dreams. I was in a house - a house that I did not recognize - playing a piano. In another, I was folding laundry and many of the pieces were women's and then Kim walked out of a bathroom with green goo all over her face and I talked to her and suddenly the goo was gone and she wasn't Kim, she was actually Kris. Then in a third, I was sitting in a restaurant and Kim was across the table from me, and we were talking about stocks and the future and I suddenly pulled out a box from Tiffanys and open it to propose but the ring is gone and I freaked out and look around and I see it, but it's on another person's hand, and I look at the hand and realize it's Kris' hand.
I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't sleep. It was four in the morning. I spent the rest of the night staring up at the stucco walls, and wishing that I'd gone easier on the wine the night before. Obviously it had done something screwy with my head.
Nick waved as he passed by us. "Toodle-loo," he said, "Have fun in coach." He pranced onto the airplane.
I looked at AJ, "You didn't have to trade in your first class ticket you know," I said.
AJ shrugged, "It was the only way to get another seat." He sighed as Brian and Howie followed Nick onto the plane. He looked at me. "Besides, you'd have been alone in coach if I hadn't."
"I'm okay travelling alone, I'm not a kid you know."
"I would've felt bad drinking my orange juice in the champagne glass thinking about you in coach with the minimal leg room and the flat pop," he said.
I laughed, "Well thank you for making the sacrifice. Now we both get to suffer."
"One for all and all for one," AJ agreed.
Once everyone was on the plane for first class, a flight attendent started seating the coach kids. Me and AJ made our way onto the plane. He was too short to get his bags into the overhead, so I put both of our carry on pieces up and shut the door myself. I sat down next to him and we buckled ourselves into the seats. AJ sighed. "I should've run out and taken a smoke before we got on board." He looked out the window.
"You smoke too much anyways," I argued. He rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you're gonna end up with shitty lungs and keel over and that'll be that. It's a disgusting habit."
"Okay, dad."
"Oh trust me, you'd hate it if I was your father. You and Nick, God..." AJ looked at me, shook his head, and laughed. "What? I demanded, "You think it's funny that I'd whoop both your asses into next Tuesday for some of the crap I've seen you pull over the last week?"
"It's not that," AJ answered, "It's just..." he sighed, "It's just you remind me of someone, that's all."
"Oh yeah? And who might that be?" I asked, still joking, "Hitler? Stalin? Satan?"
"Kevin."
The name sat heavy between us. I'm not sure why. Something about the way he said it I guess, something about the way it rang in the air. "So why didn't he rejoin the band then," I asked, "If he cares so much that he wanted to be your dad?"
AJ looked out the window.
The pilot came on over the intercom and announced that we'd been cleared for take off and requested the attendants to get ready and do the safety drill and all that. Then the plane started rolling across the runway and AJ continued staring out the window. I made sure my seatbelt was good and tight, and the plane was rushing down the runway and the wheels lifted off and the world became smaller. I stared over AJ, out the window, as the wing dipped and the plane moved in a semi-circle before evening out, climbing in altitude, and ultimately leveling off. The seatbelt light clicked off and the flight attendants all but leaped out of their seats to begin serving drinks.
AJ turned to me. "Kristin was his wife," he said. "She said you reminded her of him, that's why she got all weirded out."
"Was his wife? Are they divorced then?"
AJ took a deep breath. "He's dead."
"Oh." I turned away, breaking the intense line of eye contact we'd been sharing. Suddenly, the pattern of the carpet lining the floor of the plane became extremely interesting.
"A couple years ago, him and Kris had a fight because Kev wanted to come back to the Backstreet Boys and she didn't want him to. He'd left because he wanted more time at home and stuff and she liked him being home or whatever. Well that and there was this big blow out between him and Nick, but anyways..." AJ paused. "Anyhow, he left the house. They lived in Kentucky. And nobody knew where the hell he'd gone to. Then like a month and a half later after he left, they found his body."
I looked up at AJ again. His eyes were red, and squinting, as he fought back tears. His voice clenched. "His wallet. That's the only way they could identify it was him. We don't really know what happened to him." AJ bit his lips, and turned away, looking back out the window.
I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."
"That's why Kris was so fucky last night," he explained. "Because you reminded her of him. In the eyes."
"Do I look like him?" I asked.
AJ shrugged, "Not really," he answered, "Your jawline is all wrong."
When we landed in Toronto, Nick was waiting at the gate. "That was a nice flight," he said, "Very relaxing..."
"So was ours," AJ answered him.
"The soda was nice and bubbly."
"So was ours."
Nick trotted along side us as we walked through the airport's crowds, highlighting the fine points of his airline experience for us, each of which AJ said we'd experienced, too, even if we hadn't. Nick didn't one-up AJ until he said that he'd inducted a flight attendant into the mile high club (which I'm pretty sure he was lying about but not completely certain) and then AJ gave in and admitted that coach hadn't been that good and they went on chatting about Nick's fictional Mile High inductee and her chest size.
I blocked the conversation out and instead called Kim to let her know I'd landed okay in Toronto. She didn't answer and I ended up leaving a message on her machine.
"I'm telling you, her boobs were like this," Nick was waving his hands in front of his chest by a ridiculous amount.
"If her boobs were that big," I interrupted - making both of the Boys snap their attention to me, since they'd thought I was ignoring them and all, "Then she'd fall forward on her face because she wouldn't be able to hold them up."
"I swear it," Nick said.
AJ laughed, "Dude, if a chick fell down 'cuz her tits were too big, would they bounce and make her stand back up again?"
Nick's brow furrowed, "Dude that's like algebra."
"Alge-Bra," AJ pointed out.
Nick laughed so hard he snorted.
I went back to tuning them out.
I was sitting on the Wylee trailer with Brian later that afternoon. Rick had the stage set before I got there, so I'd been given the duty of helping out on the Purple People Eater for the afternoon. Brian was making sure there was enough cash to make change while Leighanne was folding scarves and arranging them on a table behind us. She and Baylee had flown into Boston to meet up with the tour. Baylee was currently laying on his back on the floor, playing a hand-held vido game.
"So... I heard you met Kris," Brian commented. He peeked up at me from the money he was counting.
"Yeah, I did."
"And?"
"AJ said I freaked her out because I reminded her of her - um - of Kevin."
Brian nodded. "Sorry about that," he said. "Was it really awkward?"
"She talked to her salad bowl all night," I replied.
"You've reminded me of him a few times, too," Brian admitted. He laughed, "I mean that as a good thing. I dunno what you know about Kevin or whatever but I know some people think he was kind of uptight and anal and stuff but really he was a great guy. I'm a bit biased of course, because he was not just my friend but my cousin, too, but..." Brian smiled. "Anyways."
"Is Kevin the person Nick was talking about the other day? In soundcheck? When that girl asked about her brother?" I asked.
Brian nodded, "Yeah."
"AJ said Kevin and Nick had a fight."
"Yeah, when Kevin left the band." Brian shrugged, "It's a kind of long story."
"I have time."
"Well Nick was drinking a lot and Kevin just thought he needed to stop. So he told him so and Nick was never real good with authority and he kind of reacted strongly and they both have these stubborn personalities that just explode when they strike the right chord and they had a knack for doing that. Like flint, they just shoot sparks constantly." Brian laughed, "God my grammar can't make up it's mind if Kevin's past or present tense."
"Present tense," I said. I smiled comfortingly, "He's here in spirit, so present tense."
Brian nodded, "Yeah." He sighed, "Anyways. You ready for pandamonium?" he asked. He waved his hand around the trailer.
"As I'll ever be," I replied.
After Self by Pengi
