Fearful Renegade

Eleven

First he drove past her house, her truck wasn’t there and it looked like it was closed up.  So he headed to the landing pad.  When he got there he saw her truck sitting in the multiday parking lot.  He made his way into the building and up to the counter.

“How soon can I get to Vancouver?” AJ asked the woman.

“Anytime I’ll let Bobby know.” The woman said.  He paid her and then took a seat.  It was funny but until now the only thing he thought about was her, not the stalker just her.  Becca was right, she must be a mess right now but why didn’t she call him.  He heard the door open and looked up.

“Vancouver?” The woman asked and AJ smiled.

“Yeah”

“Okay follow me” She said and he stood up.

When they were in the helicopter over the water he found himself staring at it lost in thoughts on how she was.  The thumping of the chopper was almost kind of soothing and he sat back as his mind relaxed.  He started thinking about the past month.  He thought about the moment he slammed his bedroom door and shut her out. All because of a box with a flower, how could something so small do so much damage to his life? 

When he felt the chopper descending he looked up and saw the tall buildings of the city again and his mind flashed back to his Birthday.  The Helicopter landed and he climbed out.  As he walked towards the building he reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper Becca gave him.

He flagged a cab and decided to try the hotel first, telling the driver the address.  Sitting back he watched out the window wondering which one she was in, if she was even there but he prayed she was because he dreaded going to her parents.  When the cab merged into the left hand turning lane he looked out the window and saw a hotel coming up.  It was near a residential area so he started to get some hope this was it and when the cab slowed down to turn he became a little anxious.   Paying the driver he got out and looked at the piece of paper again.

“Room 304” He said to himself as he read the writing. 

Walking onto the elevator he pressed 3 and waited for the doors to close.  He looked up at the numbers that lit up and waited for the number of his floor to illuminate. With a ding the doors opened and he walked off.  The hallway was empty as he looked for the signs on which way to go.  He found the sign for 300 and up and headed to his right.  The closer he got to her door the more his hands began to sweat.

He stopped outside room 304.  What should he say? Would she even open the door? She’d probably look through the peep hole and walk away.  Taking a deep breath he reached up and knocked on the door.

Nothing.

He knocked again and waited.  Again he heard nothing. He sighed as he realized maybe she wasn’t here.  Not giving up yet he knocked again.

“Go away!” He heard someone shout from behind the door.  “I don’t want anything, I don’t need anything, go away!”

“Sia?” AJ shouted a little so she could hear him.  He waited for an answer but he didn’t get one.  “Siannah, darling open up please.” 

He didn’t hear her shout anything back but he did hear the soft footsteps of someone coming to the door and he relaxed a little.  Next he heard the light scrapping of metal and the click of a lock, slowly the door opened and she poked her head out from behind the door.  She looked like shit.  He walked into her room and turned around as she closed the door.  Her satin night robe hung open but it wasn’t the sexy lingerie he was use to under it, just a T-shirt and a pair if light cotton sweats.

“Look, I know you’re probably really fucking pissed at me and I…” Her body slammed against his as she wrapped her arms around him and started sobbing.

“I’m so sorry Sia” He said after he let her cry as he held her tightly against him and brushed his fingers through her hair.  When she had calmed down a little he walked her over to the couch and sat her down.

“What happened?” He asked.

“The Cancer came back.” She replied with a gasping breath.  “She didn’t want us to know, she…” She paused closed her eyes and began to cry again.  He laid her against his chest and held her tightly.  “She didn’t want us to worry, they both thought she would do treatment and beat it just like before but she got sick, she got pneumonia and her immune system was already weak because of the Chemo.”

“God, Siannah I’m sorry” He said with a frown as she sat up.

She whipped her eyes, took a deep breath and then asked.  “How did you know I was here?”

“I had to take Dew in for his check up and papers and Becca told me what happened.” He said.

“Where is Dew?” She asked and he lightly smiled at her concern.

“With Becca” He told her.

When she started crying again AJ took her into his arms and slowly he laid them back onto the couch.  He lovingly played with her hair in his fingers as he felt her body get heavier and heard her breathing get deeper.  His eyes drifted down to her and he tilted his head as his fingers pulled back her hair that had fallen across her face.  Her eyes were closed and she looked calm and peaceful.

His mind raced with memories of them, memories of when they first met, memories of when he finally let her in, and memories of when he shut her out.  He didn’t want her to get hurt but now he didn’t want to be without her either.  The past month had been miserable.  A year of living alone, the calm, the quiet, and the acceptance he had living that life gone because of two weeks with her. He didn’t want to be alone anymore; he didn’t want to be without her.  It was the fear, the fear of what would happen to her, more than just gifts will come if he lets her back in, and he can’t ask for 24 hour protection because he wants a girlfriend.

When his thoughts disappeared she came into focus again and he thought about moving her to the bed but he didn’t want to disturb her.  Carefully he shifted his body a little and then closed his eyes.  A little sleep couldn’t hurt him either.

He wasn’t sure how long he was sleeping when his eyes fluttered back open and he felt something slowly sliding around his stomach.  Still half asleep his eyes drifted down and he saw Siannah’s finger gliding around his shirt. 

“Hey” He said in a low tone.

Her head tilted up as she looked up him. “Hi”

“Everything alright?” He asked and he always felt like that was a stupid question to ask someone at a time like this but what else could you say?

“Yeah” She replied as her hand stretched out across his lower chest.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asked and her eyes drifted down to her hand.

She shrugged.  “I figured you were busy moving or…” She paused.  “Or you had already left.”

“I’m just…I’m just worried. I don’t want you to end up like Emily.” He said as she slowly sat up.  “I don’t want to seem like I didn’t care about her but if that happened to you…Sia…I could never forgive myself.”

“But I can’t do this without you.” She said her voice in a whisper.  “I need you here with me.”

“And I’ll be here” AJ said as he took her hands.

“But what about after, when we go home, will that for sale sign still be there?” She asked.  “Are you going to give up on the best thing that ever happened to the both of us? You have to stop running Alex.”

“Sia” He sighed.

She moaned as she stood up.  “I knew you’d do this.” She walked around behind the couch and as she sniffled he could tell she was crying again.  “You know…Alex you’re such a fucking hypocrite.” 

“Hey!” AJ snapped and he got up from the couch.  “Look I came here…”

“Ooh you came here, for what why?” She asked bitterly sarcastic.  “You’re a hypocrite, you come in here and tell me you don’t want me to get hurt, you don’t want her to hurt me, but yet you push me away because of her, she’s still getting what she wants, you alone and un happy.” She yelled at him.  “She may not be hitting or punching or throwing me down a flight of stairs…” Siannah paused as he looked away from her.  “But she’s still hurting me.” She hissed before she turned around, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

He stood there leaning against the couch and he could hear her crying.  With a deep breath he looked up and sighed.

“What do I do?” He asked anyone who was listening.  He dropped his head and something caught his eye.  Lifting his wrist he saw the sterling silver skull men’s bracelet he wore.  It was one of the gifts she got him for his Birthday; his other one was getting old and dingy. 

People could say what they wanted about his girlfriends most of them, not all but most did have the means to take care of themselves, they were independent. They bought him gifts, they took him out to dinner, and threw him big parties to invite their friends too but not a single one had given him a day like Siannah had. None of them made him feel the way Siannah did, none of them knew exactly what he was thinking like Siannah did, and none of them could hold a candle to her.  This, this was the one worth fighting for.

Pushing himself off the couch he walked over to the door.  “You’re right” He said as he leaned against the wall.  “You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m letting her take you from me.” He laid his head against the wall.  AJ waited there but he heard nothing. 

“When I first saw you the day I brought Dew in to get his shots and license, you made me feel something.”  He told her as he stood outside.  “I had been in my house since December and I got Dew in March.  I only went out to get what I needed and then I came back.  I didn’t miss my Mom, my friends, the fellas, I felt nothing.  But one look at you Sia and…well I don’t know what the fuck it was but it felt good.” The bathroom door clicked and then slowly opened and he lifted his head up.

“She’s going to go after you.” AJ said with a hint of pain in his eyes.

“I don’t care, I told you before she doesn’t scare me, and I’m not…” She stopped.  Letting go of the door she walked past him and he looked at her confused.  He watched her walk over to the couch and sit down.  His brow frowned as he pushed himself off the wall and walked over to her.

Putting his hand on her shoulder as he sat down and turned her to him he asked her.  “You’re not what Sia?”

“Nothing” She replied with a light sigh.

“No not nothing.” He said as he pulled her chin towards him and turned her face.  “You’re not what?”

“I’m not just going to walk away when…” She paused again, her head tilted a slightly.  “…when someone I love is in trouble.”

His heart stumbled. “…Sia…”

“I-I don’t care if it’s too soon or too late or…” She paused I closed her eyes.  “I just lost my Mom, I don’t care about hours or days or…”

“I love you too.” He replied cutting her off and she looked at him as his hand cupped the side of her face.  Pulling her against him he wrapped his arms around her back.

“Please don’t leave Alex.” She whispered and he closed his eyes.

“I won’t.” He told her and he noticed her grip around him tightened.  “I promise I’m going to stop running.”  And with those words Siannah started crying.