Fearful Renegade

Twelve

            AJ walked down the hall to Siannah’s hotel room and hoped she was up by now.  He realized he was going to need something nice since he was going to be staying with her until she went back to the island.  With all his things being packed and not wanting to go all the way home to unpack them he went on a light shopping spree.  While they were sitting on the couch he noticed how tired she was, almost falling asleep sitting up, so he took her too the bed and lied down with her until she feel asleep.  That’s when he decided to get the things he needed then instead of later.

            A minute after he knocked the door opened, she was in a hotel robe, her hair wet, and a towel in her hand.  “Hope you got my note.” He said as she let him walk in.

“Yeah” She replied as she scrubbed her hair with a towel.

“I got a suit, shoes, and something to wear that’s a little less dressy.” He said as he looked through the bags.

“Why didn’t you just go home?” She asked.

“Everything’s all packed.” He said as he sat down on the bed and then he saw the look on her face. Taking her by the hand he pulled her closer to him.  “Which I will be unpacking when we get home.” He told her and that made her lightly smile.  “I even called Jake and told him to take the house off the market and the sign will be gone by the time we get back.”

“Good” She said as he gently sat her down on his lap.

Her fingers drifted along his jaw line and it gave him a shiver of goose bumps.  He looked at her as her eyes studied her own fingers.  “Sia?”

“Yeah?” She replied looking at him.

“The day the Realtor came, last Tuesday, when you showed up at the house, what were you there to talk about?” He asked.

She sat silent and the longer she sat quietly the more he realized she was there to tell him about her Mother and he just shut the door in her face.  “Jesus Sia I’m sorry I didn’t know…”

“I know” She replied as her fingers picked up the pieces hanging from his necklace.  “I lost count how many times I picked up the phone to try and call you last night but I couldn’t.”

“Afraid of what I would say?”

“Afraid the line would have been disconnected.” She replied as she looked up at him.

“I’m scared” He told her.  “I’m scared for me and I’m scared for you but I’m not going to run anymore.  I already let her chase me from one life I loved; I’m not going to let her chase me from another.” 

Siannah lightly smiled as her fingers drifted along his chin to the other side of his jaw, she cupped her hand along his neck and then gently pressed her lips to his.  When he slowly pulled away from her she kept his bottom lip trapped between hers longer than usual and then let it go as her eyes looked up at him.  He softly moaned having missed the warm softness of her lips.

The phone rang and she hesitantly got up from his lap and walked over to the table to answer the phone.  She picked up the receiver and put it to her ear. “Hello?”

She paused.  “Hi Dad…I’m okay…no, no I’m fine Dad how are you doing?” He watched as she ran her fingers through her hair.  “Supper? Yeah I’ll be there…do you need someone to go to the…” She stopped and he could see the fight in her eyes.  “Okay” She replied with a quick nod.  “I’ll see you at dinner…I love you too Dad.” And that’s when she started crying.  AJ got up from the bed as she wiped her eyes with the robe.  “I’m fine.” She said into the phone. “I know” She replied and then sniffed.  “Okay, I’ll see tonight.”

When she hung up the phone she turned and saw AJ, she started crying again and he pulled her against him, holding her tightly. Suddenly he got the strong urge to call his Mom. 

“He wants me to go over there for dinner; him and Bret are going to the funeral home now…” She paused and sighed.

“Do you want me to go with you?” He asked and she nodded quickly.  “Okay” He replied with a light smile.  He started to become a little nervous, he had never met her family before, he had heard a lot about them, but never met them, and to do so at a time like this.

“Are you hungry? I haven’t had lunch yet.” She told him as she started to pull away.

“Yeah I could go for something to eat.” He told her.  His eyes followed her as she walked over to the table and grabbed the hotel menu.  She then walked over to the couch and sat down.  AJ followed her and sat beside her.

They decided what they wanted, they ordered, and then when it arrived they ate.  Afterwards AJ went and had a shower while Siannah got dressed.  He noticed she didn’t talk much but he wasn’t surprised, he’s sure she had things on her mind.  When they were finished AJ started to collect the dishes and trays to put out in the hall.  He watched Siannah when she got up from her chair and walked over to the window.  Staring for a moment he waited to see what she would do but she did nothing but glare out the window. 

Putting the dishes down, he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms over hers in front of her.  Siannah leaned back against him as he gently laid the side of his head against hers.  “She’s in a better place now and where she is now she can put all her focus into you, your Brothers and your Dad.”

“But when I want to talk she won’t answer and when I need to see her she won’t be there.” Siannah whispered. 

“No, physically she won’t” He said as he slowly turned her around.  “But now she’s here…” He said as he touched her chest.  “…and she’s here.” He said as he brushed the back of his first two fingers down her temple.  “You get to carry her around with you when ever you want, anytime you need her that’s where she’ll be.” Just before she pulled herself into his arms, he saw a small smile crack from her lips.  He wrapped his arms around her and held her.

“I love you” She whispered.

He pulled her closer.  “I love you too Sia.”

When it was time for them to go to Siannah’s Parents house they left the room and hailed a cab.  AJ was introduced to her Father Thomas and her Brothers, all four of them, Josh, Randall, David, and Bret.  Each of them were almost exactly two years apart. Siannah being the youngest at 32 and Bret being the eldest at 40 and he could tell right away what made her so tough because even now, her Brothers picked on her but they got her laughing so he really didn’t mind.  He also noticed where she got her whit from, her Father.  There was uncomfortable moments when the family would break down and all he could do was hold Siannah’s hand but there were a lot of funny moments as her Brother’s made sure AJ knew as many embarrassing stories about her as possible.  When they got back from the hotel room they took a shower together and the fun playing that had started there was carried over to the bed.

The next day AJ went with Sia and her Brothers to get the flowers and go over last minute arrangements with the Cemetery.  He was glad to see she was holding up better today.  She had her moment after they left the Burial Lawns but that was the only one of the day.  The day after that was the viewing, that day was a little harder for her.  She was quiet, a little withdrawn, she just seemed a little off but he knew it was just because of the day it was for her.

February 2nd 2011

The next day AJ sat beside her on the white seat as a circle of people surrounded him.  Her Brothers were on her other side with her Father on the very end.  He held her hand and noticed half way through the service she looped her arm through his, snuggling closer to him.  The service ended and everyone slowly began to say their goodbyes to Siannah and her family and then return to their cars, most of them going to Siannah’s Aunt’s house for a gathering.

AJ and Siannah got into a limo with Josh, his Wife, Bret and his Wife.  Everyone was talking about memories of Grace except Siannah, she was quiet and she just sat there hiding behind those Audrey Hepburn Sunglasses.  While he was at the gathering he got talking to Siannah’s Brother Dave about an Indy group from California that AJ use to listen too and he lost track of her.   After the conversation was over he went looking for her.  He walked around the house politely smiling at people he didn’t know who politely said Hello. When he walked out to the Kitchen someone called to him.

“You looking for Sia?” Her Brother Josh said.

“Yeah” AJ replied with a nod.

“She’s out back on the deck there.” He said nodding to the back kitchen door.

“Cool, thanks.” AJ replied and her Brother smiled as he walked out the other door.

AJ made his way out back and saw her sitting on the swing at the end of the deck on the left side.  “There you are.” He said as the door closed and she looked up.  “You ok?”

“Yeah” She said with a nod.  “Just wanted to get some air and quiet time.”

He sat down beside her and she leaned against him as he wrapped his arm behind her.  “So how are you today?” He asked.

“I miss her” Siannah said with a sigh.  “And I know I’m going to keep missing her for the rest of my life.”  She then turned on the bench a little as she slipped her arm out from his.  Facing him she took his hand and held it as she looked at him.  “When we get back to Parksville promise me something?”

“What?” He asked.

“Promise me you’ll call your Mom and have her come out here to see you.” She said and he saw her bottom lip start to quiver a little.  He lightly smiled as he cupped the side of her face with his other hand. 

“I will, promise.”  He replied  and she slid her arms through his hugging him.