Fearful Renegade

Fourteen

February 5th 2011

AJ sat at the island in his kitchen with the mug of hot coffee sitting in his hand.  The small burning sensation didn’t bother him though, he was to busy being angry.  Angry at his Mother for the hissy fit last night and angry because Siannah went home last night because of it.  She wouldn’t talk to him about it all she told him was he should spend a night with his Mom because she was only here for a couple of days.  He knew it was more than just that.

His Mom was now in the shower and going to get ready because she was going with him to take Dew to the dog park.  He looked over at his dog who laid on his stomach, legs behind him, his snout resting on his paws.  The dog stared at the door and then sighed.

“What’s wrong with him?” His Mom asked and he looked up as she came down the stairs.

“He’s waiting for Sia” AJ said before taking a sip of his coffee.  “And before you go spouting off no, I did not get the dog for her, I got the dog before I met her, it’s how I met her.”

“I know you told me that already.”

“Really? Cause I thought I told you how I felt about her but judging by last night you heard sweet fuck all.”

“Alex don’t swear at me.” Denise replied with a tone of discipline.  “Look she’s the one that attacked me.”

“Attacked you?” AJ’s voice squealed slightly in anger.

“She should have kept her nose out of something that wasn’t her business.” Denise snapped defensive.

“She’s been apart of my life for a year, a major part of my life…”

“But does she know you Alex, does she know about the drinking, drugs, girls, and the battle you fight with your Father…”

“You don’t understand Ma…” AJ said interrupting her.  “That’s not me anymore.  I like it out here, I like just being able to sit around and do nothing or get up and go out and not have to inform fifty people I’m doing so.”  He stood up from the bench.  “I locked myself in this house for months and I did a lot of thinking.  One of the things I’ve learned out here is you can’t control what people do, no matter how much you want too.  So I’ve learned to let go of some of it.”  He put on his jacket and looked at her.  “She knows about the drinking, the drugs, the girls and she knows about Dad, she knows it because I told her, and that’s all I can do because it’s in the past.  There are things about her past I don’t know but one day I’m sure I’ll find out.”

“But Music is your life, you breath it you’ve said that before.” She said to him as she followed him to the door.

“And right now it’s not, whether it’s because of the stalker or I’m just over it I don’t know.  Maybe some day I’ll start writing, maybe some day I’ll go back to it but right now I am happy with the way things are.”

He put on his jacket and grabbed the leash hanging on the wall.  Dew quickly made his way over and he hooked the leash through his collar.  Standing up straighter he looked at his Mom and sighed.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it mattered but she asked me to call you, it was her idea for you to come out here.  She wants me to let everyone else back in but there’s a difference between you and her.” AJ said.

“And what is that?” Denise replied with a snotty tone.

“She’s not forcing it on me, she was just happy with me letting her into my life, with letting you come out here, and despite what you told her, she does know me, she knows me pretty damn well.” AJ said as he opened the door.  “Now I’m going to go are you coming with me?”

His Mom didn’t say anything as she grabbed her coat and walked outside putting it on.  AJ sighed to himself and then looked down at Dew.  Giving him a gentle tug he motioned for the dog to follow him.  He loaded him up in the truck and climbed into the diver’s seat.  Knowing he should let it go he started to truck up but as he looked out the front window waiting for the vehicle to warm up, he looked over at his Mom.

“Look I didn’t know it then but I needed to get away.  I needed to learn how to do shit on my own because when it comes down to it all there is, is me.” AJ told her.  “I’m not who I was a year ago, I’m not who I was two months ago.”

AJ drove them out to the dog park.  His Mom didn’t say anything on the way out there or while they were there.  He didn’t say much either, just spent the time tossing Dew’s Wubbie across the field.  When they got home he went upstairs and showered.  He got dress into a fresh pair of jeans and a hoodie and then made his way downstairs.

“There’s food in the fridge, Dew’s got lots of food, just let him out once in a while…” He said as he bent over and started writing something.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

“Going to Sia’s and fix the problem you caused last night.”

“Problem?” Denise replied shocked.

“That’s her number I’ll be a couple of hours but I’ll be back.” AJ told her ignoring her stunned state and handing her he piece of paper. 

“Alex” His Mother said in protest as he started to walk towards the door but he again ignored her as he opened the door and walked out.

When he pulled up in front of the house he saw her truck sitting in the drive way, so he parked and climbed out of the vehicle.  He walked up the drive way and stopped at her front door.  Opening the storm door he knocked and waited.  When he looked into the wooden door window he saw her coming down the stairs.

“Hi” She said when she opened the door, he noticed her hair was in ponytail and it was still wet.  “Where’s your Mom?”

“She’s not here can I come in?” He asked.  Siannah nodded and let him inside.

            “So what’s up?” She asked as she closed the door.

            He didn’t say anything and when she turned around he gently grabbed her by the arms and kissed her.  At first she was tense and then she relaxed, when he pulled away he looked at her.

“I am so freakin’ sorry about my Mom.” AJ told her apologetically.

“Alex I told you...”

“I know what you told me but I know there was more too it so talk to me.” He said as he let go of her arms.  She walked over to the couch and sat down.  “Is it what she said last night?” He asked as he followed her and sat down.

“Not really” Siannah replied with a light shrug.

“Then what?”

“It’s just that what if you do decide you want to go back there, I don’t know if I would fit in there.” She told him.  “I just don’t think I could handle someone bringing in their ‘fashion accessory’ for check up.”

He lightly chuckled and then sighed.  “I never said I was going and I don’t want to, I’m happy with my life here in Parksville.”

“But your friends” She replied with a slight plea in her voice.

“I’ll call Kevin if he wants to come out, he can come out and I’ll tell him the same thing I told my Mom.” He said to her as he took her hand.

“What did you tell her?” She asked hesitantly.

“That’s not my life now, I don’t know exactly when it stopped being my life but I’m really happy here, with you, and just living.” He said and she smiled slightly. “I know that was fucking corny I’m sorry.” He replied quickly.

“No” She said still giggling a little.  “No it wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry about my Mom she’s always been way, waaaay over protective.” AJ told her.

“It’s ok” Siannah replied with a light smile.

“Got anything planned wanna go out to dinner?” He asked.  “My treat this time.”

“It was your treat last time.” She replied.

“Ya cause you walked out on the bill.” He said jokingly nudging her.

“Alright” Siannah said still chuckling. 

They walked to the door and Siannah grabbed her jacket.  They walked to AJ’s truck and climbed in.  He drove around town a bit to distract her and then he made his way to the Heli-Taxi building.  When he parked the truck she turned and looked at him.

“We’re going to Van to eat?” She asked.

“Why not?” He replied.  “The Helicopter only takes twenty minutes.”

“What about your Mom?” He asked.

“I told her I would be gone a while.” He said as he shut the truck off.

“Alex you really should spend time with your Mom, she’s only here another day.” Siannah said as she looked a him.

“Look Sia, I know you’re still dealing with the loss of your Mom but the relationship I have with my Mom is totally different then the one you had with yours.” He told her.  “Don’t get me wrong, I love her but you and me, we just went through different things and some times I just gotta step back.”

“Why doesn’t she like me?” Siannah asked.

“It’s not that she doesn’t like you Babydoll, it’s me, she’s just so worried about me and she’s lashing out.  She hasn’t been around and yeah that’s my fault but she doesn’t understand that I’m not that person anymore.  This whole stalker thing has changed me and it’s just going to take time for her to realize that.”

He took her hand and kissed it.  “So let’s go have a nice quiet dinner okay?”

“Okay” She replied and he lightly smiled.