Big Girl Now

Chapter 5

Marley’s Point Of View

“Grace, we need to talk about something important.” Jon said as soon as I arrived at the restaurant. I could tell by the look on his face that it wasn’t good.

“Okay.” I answered uneasily as I sat down.

“When are you going to tell Donnie the truth?” He questioned me.

“What are you talking about?” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. In my gut I had a sick feeling.

“Come on, Marley. You can stop pretending to be somebody you’re not.” Jon remarked coolly. He was upset with me. I couldn’t blame him. I was a liar, but he wouldn’t understand.

“I haven’t been Marley for a long time.” I left it at that, hoping he would just leave it alone.

The waiter came to take our order, but I told him we needed a few more minutes.

“I like you a lot. What’s up with that?”

I fiddled with the forks on the table. My nerves were getting the best of me. “Jon, I haven’t made the best choices in life. I’m trying to forget my past and move on with my future.”

“Did you rob a bank or something? Nothing can be that bad.” He placed his hand on mine. “Donnie’s not perfect either, but he really likes you. I’m not talking about friendship either. He’s falling for you.”

I stared at Jon in astonishment. Sure Donnie and I had some great sexual chemistry, but that’s where it ended. How could he fall for me? He didn’t know anything about me as a person. I shared very little of my personal life with him.

“Why do you look so shocked? Everyone sees it but you.”

“I can’t deny the physical connection we have. We made that perfectly clear last night.” I muttered more to myself than Jon.

“Please spare me the details. My boyfriend is out of town, and I’m missing him.”

I looked a Jon and started to chuckle. He knew just what to do to make me calm down.  The waiter came over and we quickly ordered.

“Jon, if Donnie knew about my past, he’d want nothing to do with me. I don’t think he even remembers me from back in Dorchester. I was just his friend’s kid sister.” I sipped my water.

“I can’t speak for him, but I think he would want to know the truth. Donnie’s had his own demons to deal with. You need to come clean with yours so you can move on with your life. Sure, Donnie may not be thrilled with whatever you are hiding, but in time he would get over it. That man is infatuated with you, but eventually the truth is going to come out. It would be better coming from you sooner rather than later.

I wasn’t hungry anymore. In fact I was tired and depressed. I just wanted curl up in my bed and forget about New Kids On The Block, dancing, and Donnie Wahlberg. None of which I could do.

After a dismal lunch, I made my way back to my dingy, little studio apartment. Donnie was sitting on the in the lobby. What was he doing here?

“Hello Grace!” He smiled as he walked over to me.

“What are you, umm doing here?” I grabbed my key from my purse.

“I wanted to talk to you. Did you enjoy your lunch with Jon?” He said with a bite. I detected a bit of jealously in his voice. Jon was a nice guy, but he had a lover. I attracted to someone else.

“Not really.” I started walking up the stairs. My apartment complex didn’t have an elevator. We had to trek up four flights of stairs. Donnie was hot on my trail. If I would happen to stop, he would be up my ass.

I unlocked the door and went inside. I didn’t wait for Donnie to come in. I started taking off my clothes.

“Whoa! You look stunning in your bra and panties, Grace.” He said as he lifted up his shirt to take it off.

I stared at him in disbelief. “We are not sleeping together.”

I saw Donnie put his shirt back down. The look on his face was priceless. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He leaned against the wall.

“You actually thinking I was going to have sex with you. “ I giggled. “You might be hot Donnie, but I’m not going to spread my legs for you every time we’re alone.”

“Why are you acting like such a bitch? Last night you couldn’t get enough of me. Tonight you don’t even want to touch me with a ten foot pole.” He gave it right back to me. I know I deserved it. After my conversation with Jon, I knew that a relationship with Donnie was never going to work. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.

“I just realize that sleeping together wasn’t such a great idea. Sex complicates things. Look, we can’t even talk without arguing.” I pulled a sweatshirt over my body and continued. “It’s going to be a long tour. I don’t want sex to ruin things. I think that maybe we should stay away from each other during our free time.”

“Grace, if that’s what you what. I’m not going to beg you. You’re a beautiful woman that I would love to get to know better. As much as I want to beg you to give me a chance, I’m going to respect your wishes.” He said indifferently. Donnie was pissed, but I knew he would get over it. It was better than him finding out the truth.

“Thank you for respecting my wishes.” He walked over and gave me a kiss on the check and left. It was hard watching him go.

I grabbed a blanket and stretched out on the couch. It was time to wallow in my own pity.

Fall of 1993

My roommates at the American Ballet Theatre School and I were sitting around gossiping. We had some free time which was unusual. The director of the company was meeting with us individually to discuss our potential at becoming a ballerina.

“So who’s that guy in that picture you stare at all the time?” Kiki asked curiously.

“His name is Donnie.” I sighed dramatically.

“He’s hot.” Roberta laughed.

There was no way I could tell them he was Donnie from New Kids On The Block. They wouldn’t have believed me anyway.

“Is he your boyfriend? Have you kissed him?”

I laughed at all the questions they were asking me. “He’s not my boyfriend yet. Yes, we’ve kissed.”

“You’re so lucky.” Roberta gushed. She had never been kissed.

“Yeah. Someday I’m going to be Donnie’s girlfriend. I have a feeling about me and him.”

“Marley Sutton, Mr. Gallagher would like to see you.” The secretary pulled me out of my daydream. I calmed myself down; it was time to be serious.

“Hello Miss Sutton. Please take a seat.”

I followed Mr. Gallagher’s order. I was afraid to not listen to him. Someday he might be my boss.

“How are you enjoying The ABT School?” He peered at me over his glasses.

“I love it so far. I’ve learned a lot since the beginning of the semester.”

“That’s wonderful Marley. I’m just concerned about your body’s development. All of your teachers’ have noticed that you are developing a more womanly body.” He stared at me for a moment. I was nervous about what he was going to say next. “Marley, you are a wonderful dancer, and I see you becoming better with each passing day, but you don’t have the ideal body. That’s not to say that you can’t become a dancer. You just might be better suited for Broadway or music videos.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Does this mean you’re kicking me out?”

“Not at all. We want to see you develop your skills to the fullest. All I’m asking you is to weigh your options. Plus, over the next few years your body is going to continue to develop and change. I don’t want to see you leave ABT being disappointed.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Gallagher.” I was crushed. All I ever wanted to be ballerina.