I saw the sun rise that morning and I was exhausted. I finally fell asleep at 6:30 in the morning. I had a severe headache and closed my eyes.
 
I awoke at eleven o’ clock by the screaming sound of my alarm clock. I felt like a truck had run over me. My whole body felt sore. Like I had a hangover except, I didn't had alcohol. I checked my cell for messages, hoping that Kirsten had called or texted. But she didn't. I then checked my e-mail but still no word from her.
 
Backstreet Boys: Crawling Back To You songtekst
Everybody Knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you
And baby I was wrong
And yeah I know I said
We'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart

But baby here I am
Bangin' on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawlin' back to you
Beggin' for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was runnin' from the truth
And now I'm crawlin' back to you

I know you're in there
And you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I could do
Just to tell you face to face
I was lyin' to myself
Now I'm dyin' in this hell
Girl I know you're mad
Well I can't blame you for bein' mad


But baby here I am
Bangin' on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawlin' back to you
Beggin' for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was runnin' from the truth
And now I'm crawlin' back to you

If you could see these tears I'm cryin'
Touch these hands that can't stop shakin'
Hear my heart that's barely beatin'
You would see a different man

But baby here I am
Bangin' on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised

And I'm crawlin' back to you
Beggin' for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was runnin' from the truth
Now I'm crawlin' back to you
Bangin' on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
I was runnin' from the truth
Now I'm crawlin' back to you

 
I went downstairs and made myself breakfast although I wasn't hungry at all. I forced myself to eat. I felt restless. I tried to call her a couple of times but her phone was still shutt off. I threw my phone on the couch. My dogs looked at me with sad faces. They felt that I wasn't feeling very well today. I got their leashes on and took them out for a walk. After half an hour I came back and left of to go to AJ and Rochelle. Still nothing. During the car drive I couldn't stop thinking about her. I almost had an accident because I wondered off in my thoughts instead of paying attention to the road. I was obsessed with my cell. Every minute I checked the display to see if there were messages. But no. The silence hit me like a driving car would hit a wall.
 
After a twenty minute drive I arrived at AJ and Rochelle's. I turned off the engine and stepped outside the vehicle. I walked up to the front door and knocked. After a couple of seconds Rochelle opened the door. She smiled "Hi, sweetie" she said. "Hi babe" I replied. "Hey, where is Kirsten?" she asked surprised. And she stepped outside the door to see if she was there. I sighed. "It's a long story. I messed up big time" I said feeling down. She hugged me “Oh no… Come in, I’ll make you some coffee”. Rochelle was such a sweetheart. AJ was lucky to have a girl like her. We walked through the Moroccan style hall way into the living room. AJ sat at his gothic dining table while working on lyrics for possible new songs. He looked up to me. “Hey little bro’, you’re early” he frowned. “What happened? Where is Kirsten?” he asked. I took a deep breath and tears welled up in my eyes. “Hey” AJ said with his raspy soft voice. He stood up and walked up to me and hugged me. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked again. “Come on, we’ll sit down okay”. “Sure” I said with the tears rolling over my cheeks. I told him what happened yesterday. AJ allowed me to tell what happened without interrupting me. In the meantime Rochelle made my coffee and listened too. After I was finished they were silent for a couple of seconds. “Wow” AJ said. “I didn’t see that one coming”. “Me neither” I said. “But you do want to make up to her right?’’ Rochelle asked. “If she’d give me the chance, of course. But that’s the problem, she doesn’t answer my calls, no responds on text messages or e-mails. I drove by her house a couple times, yesterday and today, but there’s no sign of her or AJ being home” I said sad while rubbing my eyes. I stretched out. I still had a sore back for sleeping so bad, last night. “Do you need a quick massage?” Rochelle asked. I gave her a surprised look. “Would you?”. “Sure” she said. “I did a Shiatsu training, a while ago. It’s a hobby of mine. You can ask AJ” she smiled. AJ smiled back. “A massage from her is like heaven” he laughed. I smiled too “I’d love to have one” I said. “Come on, you have to sit down backwards on the chair. That way I have full access to your back” she said.

I sat down and honestly, that was a real good massage. Rochelle was really good in it. Not too hard or too soft. Perfect. I moaned a couple of times. I had goose bumps all over my body. During the massage I had my eyes closed and I felt my back relax. The soreness and the muscle pain disappeared. After twenty minutes she was ready with my back and shoulders. She didn’t stop. She went on massaging the back of my neck and my head. “You should do that for a living” I said softly. Rochelle grinned. “No, sweetie. I only do this to the people I love and who are close to me” and she kissed me on my forehead. “Thank you” I smiled. I felt a warm glow inside me. After another ten minutes of massaging we were ready. I took a deep breath “Thank you, I feel like I had an hour of sleep, right now” I said and stretched out again. “You should drink a large glass of water to cleanse your body” she said. “I’ll get it” AJ said. He got up and brought me a glass of water.    

After that we lunched together and we talked about possible options to make things right and show her how much I loved her. A lot of ideas came over the table but not the right one. After an hour or so AJ cheered “I know what you should do. Tomorrow it’s Monday, right?” I nodded.”Tomorrow morning you’re gonna go to the beach and there you’ll wait for her. She told me, last week, that she always takes AJ to the beach on Monday” he smiled. “Yes, okay. Go on” I said impatiently. “You put on your best suit and you’ll take your guitar with you. And as soon as she approaches you you’re going to serenade her” he said. “Baby, that’s an awesome idea” Rochelle cheered.  “And you must bring a bouquet of 100 roses for her” she cheered. “And chocolate” she smiled “You need chocolate. A real big romantic heart of chocolate”. “Okay, and how am I going to arrange this before tomorrow morning?” I asked skeptically. “Well, you have us” Rochelle smiled. “You don’t know this but I make chocolate myself. And lately I’ve been practicing on making a big decorated chocolate heart. And I happened to make one yesterday. I’ll show you, okay?” I was stunned. I didn’t knew she was so…. So versatile. AJ laughed “Wow, I should take a picture of that look on your face, haha”. ‘’I’m sorry Bone, I didn’t knew that” I said surprised. Rochelle went to the kitchen to get the big chocolate heart. There was definitely more than met the eye, when it came down to Rochelle.

“And as for us” AJ said “we are going to pick out a good song for you to use for the serenade”. So searched and searched for a good song. After an hour or two we had a couple of options. I had a song from Brian Adams, Blue and Elton John, a song from my little brother Aaron and a Backstreetboys song.  I played and sang them on my guitar and AJ taped them with his brand new audio recorder. Rochelle and AJ where my audience. When we listened the taped songs, afterwards, the three of us agreed that it had to be the song “If I don’t have you”. It was an oldie but that didn’t matter. It basically said all that I wanted to say to her.

We had dinner together and after that I returned home all packed with the big, homemade, chocolate heart. I had renewed hope that it would work.

After I walked the dogs I got back home. I picked out my best suit for tomorrow and checked my online order for the bouquet of 100 red roses. The florist confirmed me that the flowers would be delivered at my place, the next morning at nine o’ clock. Suddenly the doorbell ranged. My heart made a jump through the roof. What if it was Kirsten? I stood up in haste and almost ran to the front door. I opened the door and a cold wave ran through my body. There was Kirk. This time he wasn’t smiling. He had a black eye and a big lump on his cheek. His nose was bruised too. “You have some nerve, coming up here” I groaned. I felt all my anger and rage coming back. “Listen, before you slam the door in my face I want to apologize” Kirk said. He looked a bit frightened. “Yeah right” I said angry. “No really, please give me five minutes to explain what happened, yesterday” he begged. “You get sixty seconds. And then I want you to f*ck of” I almost yelled. Kirk started talking “Well yesterday I won the championships. And Kirsten walked towards me to congratulate me on my victory. These championships where so important for me. And after years, and I really mean years, of practice I finally won. And with that a dream came true. And with all of my stupidity I kissed Kirsten. And that’s a thing I regret. I… I never should’ve done that. You and her belong together. She’s happy with you, Nick. She loves you. More that you know” Kirk explained. “But why are you doing this? Showing up at my doorstep?” I asked, not trusting him at all. “Because I’m ashamed of my behavior. I’m afraid to lose her as my best friend. But also because I want to see her happy. Listen Nick, how odd it may sound.. I know things would never work out between me and Kirsten as a couple. We are way too different. We wouldn’t make it for one day. Yes, I admit I had feelings for her. And after I’d broke up with my ex I admit that I’d fantasized about Kirsten and me being together. But, after all that happened yesterday, I realized that Kirsten will never love me as she loves you. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me” he said. I looked at him with skepticism. Was he f*cking around with me? He looked like he really was sorry. “Okay” I sighed. “I’ll forgive you” I said. “Really?” Kirk gave me a hesitant smile. “Yeah, really” I said. He smiled and reached out his hand. I answered that. “Listen, I wanna help to bring you back together again” he said. “Come inside the house” I invited him. He followed me inside and we joined a beer together. He told me that Kirsten spend the night at Jenna’s with AJ. He hadn’t spoke to her but he talked to Jenna. She told him. He told me that he had plans on going to beach with AJ and Kirsten, tomorrow morning. Just to talk things over. Because I wasn’t the only one she was mad at. She seemed to be really angry at Kirk. He even feared for his friendship with her. I told Kirk about my plans for the next morning. He was very enthusiastic about it. He offered to escort her (in all secrecy) to the place where I would be waiting for her. I agreed in that. That was a great idea. That way I knew that she’d would be there. Kirk didn’t seem such a loser after all. After another couple of beers Kirk left off to go home. He was a nice guy, honestly. We had certain things in common and I now understood why Kirsten liked him so much. I guess he just isn’t such a bad guy as I figured he would be. Especially when he told me that my fist really hit him hard, yesterday. Hey, I’m a guy. If another guy tells you your fists are from steel that’s a compliment, girls. The next day, I’d agreed with Kirk that I would be at the beach, around eleven o’clock. I was nervous for the next day, already.      

That night I slept for approximately six hours. On Monday morning I got up early and I felt really nervous. I was almost noxious. This plan really had to work. It was my only chance on making up with her. I also felt nervous because today I would finally see her again. I felt like an addict who was about to get his drug, so eager. It felt ages ago since the last time I saw her. I took a deep breath “Hold it together Carter” I said while looking in the bathroom mirror. I watched myself in the mirror and my head was probably the textbook example of a bedhead. My hair was one big mess and I looked a little tired. I stretched out, took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes.  I undressed myself and went into my shower. While the water poured down over my body my thoughts went to Kirsten. The nervousness got worse by the minute. I drove myself crazy, I knew.  But this thing at the beach would determine my future with Kirsten. “Get a grip on yourself” I groaned. I took the bottle of shower gel and I did a bit of that substance in the palm of my hand. I completely soaped myself, starting with my stomach and breast. I remembered the first time Kirsten and I took our first shower together. Her hands soaping my body, God I would give anything for her to do that to me again. And so did my manhood at that point. The last two years I’d seen a lot of the gym and lived healthy and that paid off. My abs were strong and I finally had a six-pack. After all this time of working out I finally was happy with my body. I got my shampoo and washed my hair. After the washing up I stayed a couple of minutes under the shower enjoying the hot water. I finally turned off the shower and stepped out. I grabbed my towel and dried myself. While drying my stomach, breast and legs I heard a text message coming in on my phone. I immediately dropped the towel, got my glasses and rushed into the bedroom. Perhaps it was Kirsten! I rushed to the bed and grabbed my cell.

Hey big brother, how about a pizza at my place tonight? AC

I was disappointed. Of course it was great to have dinner with Aaron but my heart hoped for a text from Kirsten. I decided to text him back after I’d met Kirsten again. I laid down my phone and walked to my closet. I picked out my costume for the serenade. It is a black costume, partially made of satin. I had black matching shoes and a white Italian design blouse with it. I only wore it three times before but it was custom made for me. I loved it and felt secure in it. I got dressed, fixed my hair and shaved. I had my contact lenses in and sprayed my favorite men fragrance on. I checked myself in the mirror for the last time. I was satisfied with the way I looked.

I walked downstairs, quickly walked the dogs, ate breakfast, and after that I drove off to the florist for the roses. Wow, that was a massive bouquet. It was heavy too. I laid the bouquet in the back of my car and drove off to the beach.
I walked up to place where it all had to happen. That place was situated in the dunes and it was really nice and quiet over there.  Birds were chirping in the background and lemongrass and other plants and trees were growing there also. I lighted up a campfire and I made sure my guitar sounded really good. I practiced the song for the last time, to make sure that it would sound perfect for Kirsten. The bouquet of roses was positioned on the right of the campfire. I was silent for a moment. They should be here any minute now. After another minute or two I heard soft voices on the other side of the high sand dune. The voices came closer and from a distance I recognized her contours and Kirk’s. As they came closer I noticed that AJ got totally excited to a point that Kirsten couldn’t hold him any longer. AJ broke loose from her and stormed up to me all happy, wagging his tail and jumping up to me. Kirsten yelled at him but that didn’t work. They came up closer to me until Kirsten could clearly see me. She looked shocked to see me. She turned her head and looked at Kirk “What’s this?” she asked confused. He gave her a blink. “I’m sorry for lying to you but this time I had to do this. You’ll thank me afterwards, believe me” he said and walked away. She followed him with her eyes and slowly turned and faced me. It was now or never. I was so nervous. It was funny but I had performed for thousands of screaming girls without being nervous, I mean I do this for such a long time now and you get used to large venues and the fans and their responses. But this performance was scary. Like I had to audition for the first time. 

I grabbed my guitar and started singing:
Backstreet Boys: If I Don't Have You
Every day, girl I wake up and pray
That you'll come back home and don't take too long
Cuz since you've been gone, everything's gone horribly wrong
I wish you were here, holding me near
You know I'd go out of my mind if you ever left my heart behind
So I'm begging you please bring your sweet love back to me
(Please come back to me)

Kirsten looked at me with her big blue eyes and I could see that she was totally surprised by this. The wind played with her beautiful dark blond hair.

If I don't have you(don't have you)
To hold on to (to hold on to)
I can't go on in this world alone
Baby its true (baby its true, if I don't have you)
If you said goodbye(u said goodbye)
Girl I would die (girl I would die)
I'm a star with no light a day with no night
If I don't have you

I could see her eyes getting wet. A tear rolled over her cheek. I felt my knees getting week. I hoped the song would end quick so that I could hold her and kiss her.

late at night I reach to hold you tight
but you're not there (you're just not there baby)
I know you still care( I know you still care)
and oh how I miss your soft, tender, lovely kiss
you give to me so tenderly
we used to feel that time would stand still
and when I see you baby it will
so hurry honey
you know your man needs you so

AJ ran between me and her, all happy and excited. Kirsten still stood there looking at me, only this time with love in her eyes. She gave me a sad smile and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

If I don't have you(don't have you)
To hold on to(to hold on to)
I can't go on in this world alone
Baby its true(baby its true, if I don't have you)
If you said goodbye(u said goodbye)
Girl I would die(girl I would die)
I'm a star with no light a day with no night
If I don't have you
If I don't have you(don't have you)
To hold on to(to hold on to)
I can't go on in this world alone
Baby its true(baby its true, if I don't have you)
If you said goodbye(u said goodbye)
Girl I would die(girl I would die)
I'm a star with no light a day with no night
If I don't have you

While playing my guitar I fell down on my knees, in the sand, and went on with the song. Tears rolled down from my cheeks too. God I missed her so much that it hurts. I just wanted to show her how much I really loved her and how much this song came from my heart.

You know I'll go crazy without you
If I don't have you(don't have you)
To hold on to(to hold on to)
I can't go on in this world alone
Baby its true(baby its true, if I don't have you)
If you said goodbye(u said goodbye)
Girl I would die(girl I would die)
I'm a star with no light a day with no night
If I don't have you

I got up and laid aside my guitar. I walked up to her and she came in my direction. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her passionately. I kissed her with everything that I had inside me. My tongue made love with hers. And I pulled her close to me and held her tight. Our lips were still connected and it was like my tongue met his soul mate again. She had her arms wrapped around me too. I ended the kiss and cupped her face with my hands. With my thumb I rubbed the tears from her cheeks. “I’m so sorry for hurting you” I said while a tear rolled down my face. “Me too, sweetie. Me too. I love you” she whispered. “I love you too, more then you’ll ever know” I whispered back. And our lips found each other again in a breathtaking kiss.

Kirsten:
Nick ended the kiss. But I kept on holding him real tight. He held me close to his body too, with his strong arms. The sun shined on his face and he smiled at me. “I’m so happy you’re here with me princess” he said softly. “Me too” I said. We heard the Seagulls in the background and the rushing of the trees. I could smell the salty air of the see being close by. Nick got up and walked up to the campfire. “I have something for you, wait up” he said. I followed him with my eyes as he walked away from me. He came back and brought a heart shape form with him. As he walked up to me he smiled. I felt butterflies running all through my body. I was so relieved our fight was over. Nick didn’t knew the stress I’ve been in the last couple of days. Not to mention the pain and the sadness. I haven’t felt that miserable ever before. Of course I was mad at Nick for punching Kirk but I was also very angry at Kirk too. The way he played me and trying to let Nick think that he and I might be involved romantically was something that almost cost him our friendship. This morning Kirk came over to Jenna to pick me up for a beach walk. He apologized to me and told me he regretted the things he did. He told me he felt deeply ashamed about the way he had treated Nick. He apologized again for the way he had been acting. I saw tears well up in his eyes as he did. At that point I couldn’t be angry anymore. I told Kirk that I forgave him and at that point we reached the spot where Nick was waiting for me. I was really surprised about that because Kirk didn’t mentioned this before. But before I could demand an explanation he already left off. Anyway, Nick approached and kneeled in front of me and gave me the heart shaped figure “I hope you like it” he smiled eager to see my reaction. I gently opened it and saw the big decorated chocolate heart “Oh” I sighed all surprised “Wow, that’s beautiful”. Nick had a big smile on his face. “I have another surprise” he said and behind his back he showed me a huge bouquet filled with roses. My eyes grew big and my mouth fell open. I took the flowers “Wow, they are heavy. Thank you honey, they are gorgeous.” I smiled. “You deserve them, especially after what happened Saturday” he gave me a small kiss. “ I’ll carry them for you, sweetie” he said. “About what happened Saturday, are we…” he looked down  to the floor. I cupped his face with my hands “It’s okay” I whispered. I forced him to face me “It’s okay” and I kissed him. He took a deep breath and smiled “I was so worried. I couldn’t reach you. I went crazy without you. Please do not ever do that to me again. You can scream, yell, call me names, hit me, whatever you want. But please never ignore me again. You can’t punish me harder than to ignore me” he said sad. A tear welled up in his eyes. I kissed him again. “I promise I won’t do it again, baby” I hugged him and held him close to me.       

  About an hour later we both got in Nick’s car and drove to his house.  In the mean time Aaron called and asked if we came over to join him for pizza and beer that night. The rest of the afternoon we spend together laying in each other’s arms and cuddled.  We both fell asleep a couple of times because of the lack of rest we had during the weekend. 

Late in the afternoon, around four o’ clock, Nick got a call from AJ. He picked it up and got it on speaker. “Hey bro’. Nick cheered. “Hi AJ” I cheered too. “Hi guys” he cheered back. In the background I could hear Rochelle asking “And, is she there?”. “Yes, she is” AJ answered softly. “Yeeaahhh, yooowooo” I heard her in the background. Nick and I both laughed. “Thanks for the gorgeous and delicious chocolate heart. That was so incredible sweet!” I said. “I didn’t made the heart sweetie, Rochelle did. Oh, wait up, Rochelle wants to talk to you” AJ said with his raspy voice. Nick turned the speaker off so Rochelle and I could  talk. “Hi Kirsten, how are you?” “I’m good, thank you. It’s been a rough weekend but Nick and I are okay again”. “Oh, that’s wonderful. It’s so good to hear that. For a moment we were afraid that it would be over between the two of you. And that would be such a shame. You and Nick are such a cute couple”. “Ah, that’s sweet Rochelle” I said. “Listen, Leighanne and I want to go shopping tomorrow. Do you feel like coming too? It’s going to be fun like a girls day out”. “Sure, that sounds nice. Wait a second I’ll tell Nick” I said. I covered the phone against the palm of my hand. “Sweetie, Rochelle asks if I want to join her and Leighanne  tomorrow to go shopping”. Nick looked at me with a big smile on his face. “I’m not coming honey, I hate shopping. But I’m sure the tree of you don’t need me hanging around. Besides, the guys and I  have to go downtown for a meeting tomorrow anyway”. I smiled back at him and gave him an air blown kiss. Nick pretended to catch it. “Rochelle, it’s cool. I’ll join you tomorrow” I smiled. “Really? Ah great. I’ll pick you up at noon okay?”. “Okay, cool” I said. “Oh, AJ wants to speak to Nick. You know men hey haha. They are worse than women when they are on the phone” she laughed. “Yes I do. See you tomorrow” I grinned back “By honey, see you tomorrow” she answered. “Sweetie, AJ wants to talk to you” I called out to Nick. Nick walked back from the bathroom and took over the phone.    

After Nick was done talking to AJ we brought AJ (the dog) home and drove off to Aaron. We had pizza and it was an amazing night.  After that we went to Nick’s place. As we sat down on his couch he asked me about how I see the future with him. I was silent for a second. What did he mean with that? “Well…” I started “I really like to have you around me… You definitely mean a lot to me and I really hope things work out between you and I”. “I’m glad you say that” Nick answered while he  looked down at the floor. “Listen, in about a week I’ll be leaving for our new tour. I’ll be away for 3 weeks and honestly, I can’t miss you that long” he said softly. I didn’t answer. I felt a lump in my throat. His two dogs jumped up the couch and snuggled up to us. I pressed away the thought of him leaving for tour, the last week. But now it was time to face what was coming. A tear rolled slowly down my cheek. Nick looked at me and smiled sadly. He wiped the tear away from my face and kissed my lips. “Tomorrow I have a meeting with the boys and the management. Maybe I can arrange a day off during the tour so that we have a little free time together” he looked at me with his beautiful icy blue eyes. “I would love that” I said with raspy voice. “I’m gonna miss you, every second that you aren’t around me” I said and he wrapped his arms around me. “And I’m gonna miss you too, so much. You don’t have a clue how much you mean to me” he whispered. He held me for a long time.

I heard a soft voice talking to me from a distance “princess, are you sleeping?” I felt lips pressing against my forehead. As I slowly awoke I felt two strong arms around me. I looked up and there I saw the most beautiful sight a girl could see while waking up. I stretched out “I must’ve fall asleep” I said and blushed. Nick smiled “my sleeping beauty. You’re so kissable when you’re asleep” and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “We have to get to AJ. He needs his walk tonight” he said.

We went to my house and walked AJ. Nick stayed over and we both had a good night sleep. I was happy to be in his arms again.

The next morning Nick gently awoke me with soft kisses in the back of my neck. “The best way to wake me up sweetie” I smiled. He placed his head on my belly and stayed there for a couple of seconds. He sat up straight and caressed my body with his warm hands. The shivers ran down my spine. He brought his face to mines and kissed me passionately. He got rid of my panties and entered me with force. I moaned. He trusted me firm and had the right rhythm going.  We quickly reached our edge. After we both had our breath back we went downstairs and ate breakfast. Nick had to leave for the meeting. He gave me a kiss, grabbed his keys and walked to the door. “Bye baby, I love you! I call you at lunch time okay?” he smiled. “Okay, by sweetie!” “Have fun with the girls, promise?”. I smiled “And you with the boys”. He gave me an air blown kiss and walked out the door.

I made myself ready to go shopping and after a quick walk with AJ Rochelle and Leighanne arrived.  I hopped in the car and we drove off to the boulevard and started our day of shopping with a nice cup of coffee with a big piece of apple pie with whipped cream.