Without even noticing, Brian and Nick found themselves back to Brian’s apartment: curled up on the bed, myriad and myriad of pictures scattered around them as Brian would pick one up and start telling the story behind it, dusting off his mother’s presence and let her live for a little while, even if only in words. Nick had wanted and asked to know more about her, to meet that wonderful woman that shaped Brian in the man he had fallen in love with and Brian knew that there was only one way to make that meeting happening: as soon as they reached the flat, he went and retrieve the old box that still smelled of pomegranate, that still smelled like her.
For hours, his voice full of melancholy and nostalgia was the only sound audible in the room. Nick just listened to him, sometimes laughing together and other times just tightening his grip around the boy, a little bit of comfort when words weren’t really needed. Not even for a second Nick stopped trying to absorb all the little pieces useful to reassemble the puzzle hiding behind that face always smiling. Often, he had compared that smile to the Mona Lisa’s: it charmed everyone and make them question what was behind it but no one couldn’t know or never be able to tell the real reason. With the right proportions, Brian was like that famous painting: he smiled, always smiled, always kind even to strangers who he met only for a few seconds but he never let them see past it, not totally, even with those few people who he trusted almost blindly.
Now Nick understood. Now Nick had come to see the dark side of that shining light and everything had finally made sense: that worry that held Brian prisoner during those hours when they weren’t together; that anxiety if he didn’t reply at his messages and that had nothing to do with not trusting him or being afraid that he had left; being there waiting for him after school or work if it was too late with the alibi of wanting to spend some hours in each other’s company. Most of all, now those night calls made finally sense: those nightmares that forced Brian to call him in the middle of night but didn’t make their appearance if they were spending the night together. Oh, Nick almost got used to stay at Brian’s instead that going home but every time he had asked, Brian always managed to avoid the reason why he needed him, needed his voice, just to sleep peacefully.
Loneliness. Loneliness brought them together, though they had dealt with it in different ways: he, Nick, had tried to fight it off by losing himself in a different relationship every night, one night stand that only mattered those hours until the sun wouldn’t shine; Brian stayed with the ghost of his past, not letting anyone else see how much lonely and alone he really felt and worked himself until there was no energy left to think about how much he had lost.
Both of them were learning how to be in a relationship, knowing that they had someone to lean on for the first time. And that night, Brian had given Nick the most special and precious gift: himself. He had showed him his soul, with every little fragility and flaws, knowing that they could be used against him but trusting Nick to treat them with care and heal them, someday. In that moment, Nick ha finally understood what true love meant.
Exhausted, Brian curled up against Nick, placing his head on his chest, there where he could hear his heart beat underneath him. “Do you know what is the most important thing I’ve learned from her? Never be afraid to make sacrifice for the one you love, even if it means letting him go away from you.”
Nick’s heartbeat became a soft lullaby and soon Brian was asleep, loved and protected in those arms. Nick stayed awake a little longer, watching him under the moonlight and gently wiping away those dried traces of tears. He just could hope that they would never come close to put in actions those words.
