“Are you going to stay at the cafeteria until its closing time?” Nick asked as he finished drying the plate and then putting it on the shelf above his head. 

“Probably. It’s the end of the month so I have a stack of bills to go through. – Brian replied while rinsing the pot they used for lunch. – Don’t stay up and wait for me, though. I don’t know when I’ll be home.” 

Even if Nick did answer, Brian couldn’t be sure because as soon as those words left his mouth he realized what they implied and meant. They had never talked about it neither he had asked him directly if he wanted to move in with him. That had been something happening naturally, dictated by the fact that his flat was the closet from the cafeteria and the university. And so, little by little, they started to create small habits as a couple that was living together, even if none of them had talked or hinted at it. 

Nevertheless, no matter how safe and certain that situation was, Brian couldn’t help but notice how frail that reality was: it would take just the smallest of the fight and Nick would be gone, leaving him with only memories scattered around the flat. That image was scary, it literally terrified him because he was so comfortable and used to have Nick living with him that he didn’t even remember how it felt to live on his own, though it only happened a couple of months before. So, without even thinking about it and only using five words, a proposal escaped from his lips. And, really, it wasn’t so much then as a far – fetched idea and witnesses of it were Nick’s clothes mixed with his, art books and notes scattered around the table and, at least, there were Nick’s favorite food inside the fridge. They were already living together, even if no one had ever said something.

“Why don’t you move in?”

Silence, that just only some seconds before had been a comfortable presence in the room, wormed in between them like an evil snake, instilling the doubt and the fear that Brian had gone too far and crossed a thin line, only now visible for his eyes. Why wasn’t Nick saying something? Why was there an expression of utterly shock and confusion? Why was he feeling like he was the biggest idiot in the world? Always praising himself to know his partner as if he was part of his soul, he should had know better how to engage a matter so heavy and important instead than just throwing it like it was nothing. Flames of shame started to burn his face as tears filled his eyes, tears that he didn’t want Nick to see. Without even drying his hands, Brian surpassed Nick murmuring something about a delivery that he forgot it was coming that day. He took his jacket and stopped for a moment, hoping and dreading Nick coming over to talk to him: Nick would make fun of him about the joke of moving in and so they would return to their happy and romantic bubble, the storming clouds far away from them. 

It didn’t happen so Brian left the flat as a solitaire tear slipped away together with the pained feeling that he had just ruined his only perfect thing.