Saying that Nick had been definitely shocked by Brian’s proposal wasn’t an understatement. And saying that he felt like being an idiot for not having stopped the boy... well, it wasn’t a euphemism either.
The flat was shrouded inside a bubble of silence and only the sound of the water running could try to break in. Well, not exactly. There was also that clock, there in a little corner upon the wall, that was keeping track of how many minutes and seconds he was wasting standing there still instead than going after Brian and... Yes, what was he supposed to do when he had reached him? He would have to talk to him but, again, what was he supposed to tell him?
He still didn’t know what the right answer was. A part of him wanted so bad to give Brian a little flick on the shoulder and reply, smiling, that he had already moving in with him, even if Brian never asked him or they never talked about it. Yet, there was another part of him, much more perfidious and much stronger, that kept him from going after Brian and made him think and ponder about that proposal. Were they ready for a step so important? The last thing he wanted to happen was to fight over silly and stupid things – like a wrong washing of clothes - with the result to drift away from each other, realizing that they had deceived themselves with the illusion of having a solid relationship able to survive every obstacles. He had seen many, too many relationships ending because too much wrapped around the cape of “true love” that they weren’t able to see and take notes of different point of views and didn’t want to change their habits in a sort of compromise for a new life together. Still he had to admit that it existed also the opposite, relationships that had failed because they didn’t want to take the chance and the risk, fighting their own fears and preferring running away and let the regret becoming their company.
And in that delicate balance between pro and co, Nick realized that he had already given his answer, long ago when he had brought over his clothes for the day after and then left them there in case of needing. Or the first time he stopped over at the supermarket because he knew that Brian would be working until night and would have been too tired to do grocery or cook. The problem now was how to tell this to Brian: knowing his partner, Nick knew that he was torturing himself going over and over every words he had said and how he had ran away instead than staying and wait for his answer. He could totally picture the scenarios of destruction that were filling Brian’s mind, a hypothetical future where he wasn’t there anymore and just because his fears made him believe that he had ruined everything. But he knew he couldn’t just popping over the cafeteria nor calling him over the phone, only because that talk deserved better than a static line and imagining expressions and looks. He just had to wait until Brian would be home, hoping that he wouldn’t stay over the cafeteria and sleep on the couch, something that there was no doubt Brian was able to do.
Something caught his eyes: on the couch there were still some of his clothes, he brought them only the day before and he hadn’t have the time to bring them back to his flat. Clothes. An intuition came suddenly, throwing away every doubt still lingering inside his mind and gifting him with the perfect way to make things right and, at the same time, it could be his answer to Brian’s question. Simple. And straight to the point.
