Brian had learned on his skin that life wasn’t a fairytale: hoping for a happy ending, hoping that there would exist a fairy who would have tidied up everything that was wrong with one stroke of the wand, well, it was like the illusion that, overnight, the world would wake up free from diseases and wars just because someone had prayed for it before going to sleep. 

He wasn’t a cynic person, nor had he stopped believing in dreams. He had simply learned to be realistic and always wait for that time when life, fate or karma, would presented themselves outside the door with the bill to pay. 

But only now, only in that particular moment, Brian realized how cruel fate could be: it had given him the most precious thing and now it demanded it back. Without claws, without tearing or painful so suddenly that he couldn’t even realize what was happening. No, with a terrible irony, fate demanded that it was him who had to give it back and say goodbye to all that had made him a better person in the last few months. 

Break two hearts with one word, kill two souls with a blink of an eye, he almost could feel the blood rushing through on his hands, making him feel like the worst of criminals. 

He had waited, even in the pouring rain. He had waited until he had seen Nick’s smile light up seeing him, quickly crossing the road to reach him and then stopping suddenly because he had realized that something was wrong. Because he wasn’t smiling or hadn’t run to meet him. 

Brian couldn’t remember what he had told Nick, he was sure that he wasn’t even present at the time. It had seemed like his soul had vanished and left only his body in front of Nick, a robot repeating phrases and half explanations that they could not fill the void that was causing excruciating pain in that boy that had literally saved him. Yet now he was there to destroy him cruelly, with the only justification that he was doing it for his sake, that he was doing it so that the remorse and regrets couldn’t and wouldn’t poison their relationship. 

The rain had covered the screams, curses and spells that Nick had thrown at him. The rain had covered those words full of pain even when he had begun to run. Cruel and a coward, how many other things he would become that day? 

Brian had run, run away without even knowing where he was going. Everywhere and nowhere, just to put meters and meters, and then kilometers, between him and Nick, between him and happiness. 

He had run while Nick’s eyes were chasing him as a demons. His face was in front of him at every step, every person he stumbled against, in every corner where he ran to hide somewhere. Vacant, void of any light and filled by a pain so palpable even if he couldn’t touch it, that was what was left in those blue eyes he had fallen in love with. 

The cafeteria was empty when he entered. Empty and lonely just like him. Unconsciously, he had hoped that he might find comfort in the eternal presence of his mother if he went there. 

Not that night. Because her mother was gone. And so was Nick. He was alone. Again.

****

Nick had imagined when and how he would finally tell Brian that he loved him. By now there were only those three little words to crown a relationship that was traveling like a boat at full speed, a clear sea under them and no clouds on the horizon. 

He wanted it to be a special time. He wanted it to be so important and great that could take Brian’s breath away, make his eyes sparkle with tears of emotion and it would end with one of those kisses that always left him totally helpless, deprived of what he felt for the boy but filled beyond extent of that passion that burned in Brian. 

Yet, at the same time, Nick had imagined to say them during normal times, whispered because they already contained a weight and a power that, if yelled, would just blew the importance of the moment: he had thought about what situation could be the most perfect and, so far, the two winning were while they were in the kitchen preparing to eat or as they strolled through Central Park in one of their usual walking. 

Although, the best scenario, the one that always left with butterflies in his stomach and the feeling of being about to fly away, was provided by the image of the two of them lying on their bed, naked in each other's arms and still immersed in that world only made of sensations and ecstasy. 

So many times he had imagined it, yes, but he had never been able to foresee that he would say those words in a vain attempt to block Brian while he was babbling confused and meaningless phrases about ... oh, he couldn’t even remembered them! From the moment he had announced that he wanted some time off, his mind had gone completely haywire, unable to believe this was really happening, unable to believe that the pain in his chest was because Brian had torn his heart and then left the broken pieces on the ground. As if it hadn’t been important anymore. 

Nick had followed him into the rain, between streets that he didn’t remember ever see them and up to that place where everything had begun. It seemed so cruelly ironic that it would also be the place where it all would end. 

He shouted. Shouted until he was sure that he had been heard to the ends of the world. And while screaming, he slammed his fists against the glass of the door, praying that Brian could hear him and go out or come. Why didn’t he want to talk to him? Why weren’t they discussing about it? Why wasn’t Brian going tell him what was wrong so he could fix it? 

Finally, someone answered his prayers, even if it wasn’t the one he had hoped for. 

"Jay, please ... let me talk to him. " Nick didn’t care about begging, he cared only about rejoining those two broken hearts. 

"Nick, go home. He doesn’t want to talk to you. " Aj didn’t add that, in fact, Brian wasn’t talking at all. With anyone. Not with him or Blaine. He just sat there. 

But Nick didn’t listen. How could he leave when he didn’t even know where to go? Home was Brian, what was the point going there if he wasn’t there? If he didn’t want him anymore? 

"Tomorrow ... when he has calmed down ... go home ... "The words came to him in bulk but he didn’t have a voice anymore to keep on begging and praying. Brian had taken his soul and then threw it away, as if it was worthless.