He knew that he had no reason to be nervous. It wasn’t even a date. Or was it? If he could, he would make appear a dictionary so that he would control the definition, just to be sure how to label that meeting. They weren’t friends, despite the fact that friendship was that so thin but unbreakable thread that was keeping them afloat in that sea of uncertainty. Yes, they were much less than what they had been only a week before but still they were more than friends. 

“And you have only one person to blame.” The voice of guilty slimy murmured as it sank its claw into the wound that was only marginally starting to heal. He knew, gosh, he knew that it would take him much longer for being able to forgive himself, even if Nick had already done although he had never spoken those words. 

The doorbell rang just as he was about to finish making the coffee, after having had to redo it at least five times; he turned around and his eyes couldn’t help but fell on those unmistakable features and it seemed like time had decided to do a flip back, recreating those early and nervous meeting: his heart began to beat faster and faster, ready to soar while air became more and more sparse; his hands were trembling, ready to spill the coffee, and his throat seemed to have turned into a desert. Still, it took only a smile for the fear to slip away while raised the certain that nothing had changed because the mere presence of the other in the room was able to cancel the world around them and make them succumb to their feelings and emotions. 

They sat in a corner, that table that had become theirs in all those months, and for moments that might seemed eternal, they were simply silent, observing and peering, trying to find words that a voice still couldn’t pronounce.

Nick was the first to interrupt that comforting absence of words. "Don’t you think that we’re already been through this?” 

"I was thinking the same thing." Brian smiled, closing his eyes for a moment. That was what they should be, lost in their own world that even the most boring activities looked extraordinary only because they were doing it together. 

"It was all easier." 

"In a way it was easier. But, in another way, it was much harder. I was always afraid to say something that would make you run away. Or not to be too ... imprudent. - Brian lowered his eyes, felling the blush that was already burning his face. - And now, maybe, it’s still like back then." 

Nick's smile softened as another piece of broken heart was eased. Before him there was just the guy that he loved but also a new person who was trying to fix what he had done wrong, not caring if more of his insecurities came to light, crisp and clear as the snow down out of that room. 

Despite that little and bitter voice inside him, Nick realized that he couldn’t let Brian bear all the weight of that relationship that they had to rebuilt from its base. "Would you like to accompany me to the museum?" 

Brian smiled. "Only if we walk through the park." He said, accepting her hand outstretched in front of him.

****

Brian and Nick were walking those paths now turned white and, even though they had lost their green fronds, the tree didn’t lose their beauty.

"I’ve read that you are going to keep open the cafeteria even on Christmas’s day." 

Brian replied with a nod. "It’s a tradition. It has always been this way since I can remember. At first I thought because mom wanted me to have those big and messed up Christmases. Then ... I understand that it wasn’t the only reason. In that neighborhood, there are many people who would spend Christmas all alone. And yes, keeping open the cafeteria doesn’t solve their problems but it makes them feel less alone at least. No one should ever be alone on Christmas and it’s like going to a parent’s house: everyone brings something and one year I was able to convince Jay to dress up as Santa Claus to make children happy." 

Nick couldn't help but laugh as he imagined Aj with a fake beard and red dress. 

"I would have done it this year, you know? Even if we were still together, I wouldn’t change the tradition. Although it would have had a different meaning. Before, it was a way not to be lonely in that day. Although, in reality, I never have been. Simply, I wasn’t aware of my good fortune because I was still remaining hidden in my cage made of fears." Brian admitted and there was still much more that he wanted to add, even though he didn’t know how he could explain to Nick how much of that change was due to him. Or maybe he already knew this, and that explained why he was remaining silent. 

They had reached the end of the park, a few more meters and they could already see the silhouetted figure of the museum rising among the branches of the trees. None of them wanted it to end. They spoke little,

But being together had been enough to bring up all those feelings and sensations that pain and heartache had managed to choke. Those monsters had only managed to weakened them and now they seemed to want to go out again and breathe not only air but each other’s breaths. 

"I'd love if you come." Brian muttered, cursing himself for the slight tremor in his voice. 

Nick looked at him for a few seconds, remembering how Brian had been embarrassed the first time had asked him out for a date. And what he was feeling at that moment was the same feeling he felt so many months before: his stomach turned upside down while the mind had been already full of images of how the day would turn out. 

"But I understand if you prefer not to come. Or if you already have some other plan. - Brian fiddled with his jacket, recovering a simple packet. - I didn’t know if I ever had the chance to give it to you. It is nothing special, just a CD with some songs. Listened and then ... then decide. "

Before Nick could answer, Brian placed the package in his hands and turned around, ready to return to the cafeteria. But a sudden thought made him turn around and get closer to the boy. He stood on tiptoe and, quick as a snowflake, kissed Nick on the lips. A final touch, his fingers caressed his cheek and then disappeared; leaving Nick with a CD in his hand and a destiny that only he could decide.