The evening light had begun its gradual ascent but the party within the rooms of the cafeteria didn’t give any signs of wanting to cease, albeit with more slightly relaxed tones. Most of the customers had already gone to home, food was still waiting to be eaten on the counter and Frank Sinatra’s voice dished about Christmas in the background. There, sitting in the middle of a group of people who now he could define as his family, Brian was feeling like he was the happiest guy in this world, especially because of that arms that were enveloping him in a tight hug that he had truly began to doubt he would ever feel again. 

For the first time, though, Brian was genuinely happy, without that veil of sadness that had accompanied him in every celebration or holiday when he thought that someone was always missing. He had always missed his mother and those days had been always the hardest to go through but now he knew that, wherever she might be, his mother was watching down on him, smiling as always and maybe proud of the man he had become. Especially, he knew that she would have loved Nick as much as he did. 

"What are you thinking?" Nick whispered in Brian’s ear, after his lips left a light caress on his cheek. 

Brian squeezed himself tighter in his arms, moving his face just so you return the kiss. "I’m thinking about how everything seems and is so perfect. I know we have still a lot to work out but it’s worth it. It’s worth just to be able to have and enjoy moments like these.” 

Nick nodded, resting his lips on Brian’s neck. "You more appreciate things when you know from experience what it means to live without them." 

Brian said no more because there wasn’t the need to add something. Simply, his hand went to cover Nick's one resting on his stomach so that they fingers could intertwine with each other’s opposite. And they stayed like that when they said their goodbyes to Aj, Blaine, Kurt and his family and even on their way home, finally able to enjoy the Christmas spirit and air that had been taken from them in those last few days. And it seemed like the red, gold and silver lights were more glittering while the Christmas songs in the background weren’t that annoyingly too cheerful. And when Brian and Nick passed another couple, huddled together like them, that sight was not longer hideously unbearable. And when they finally reached their flat, Brian begun to feel it again as home. 

That night there was no need for words, not even to repeat to them how much they loved each others. The words would have a meaning the next day, when they would face it all again the situation and decided from what point they would start again. Although part of that discussion had already been decided or, perhaps, it had always been. They were the starting point and they were also the point of arrival. 

That night, Brian and Nick left their bodies talking for themselves in that language so special, where vowels and consonants gave way to the caresses and kisses. They were in no hurry, even if the desire had become stronger than the ancestral need to breathe. But they weren’t burning for the need of oxygen, no. Their bodies needed to breathe in the smell of the other, they need to inhale the essence that made and gave shape to them and just hope not to lose it again, as if they could put it in a bottle and then put it away safe and sound. Their bodies and souls needed to be as closest as possible, trying to break every law of physics up to that time when there were no boundaries between them. And, in the end, they just needed to finally fall asleep close to one another with a pale moon to watch over their dreams. 

*****

Brian was the first to wake up the next morning. He didn’t know exactly what had awoke him but now that he had opened his eyes and found himself staring at Nick, sleep was the last of his desires. He remembered the night before his brainless decision, those hours spent watching the guy with the fear that he would never have had such an opportunity again, or the chance to be so close to catch every little detail. Instead, now, there he was, surrounded by those arms while his eyes would be kidnapped by a face he would never get tired of watching. He could stay like this for hours and hours, his eyes simply basking in the warm morning light as it would make even more blonde the hair or how, with the perfect angle, the skin of his face shone like precious silver. But most of all, Brian loved that moment when would Nick woke up and how his lips would curve into a smile as soon as his eyes found him. 

How much he had missed those moments? Even when they didn’t live together, when Nick remained only for the night because it was easier, he had never been afraid to suddenly wake up and find him not at his side. Despite all that Nick had told him about his past, Brian knew better, he knew the person who was behind the mask of the boy who wanted to depend on no one. They were soul mates in that way, both carrying wounds that only life could made on their soul, scars that could be seen only by someone else who possessed and try, together, to heal. 

For the first time, however, his safety and certainty were faltering. He had never been on the other side, he had never had anyone who depended on him. Now it wasn’t the time to let himself loose in fear and uncertainty, because there was someone who had more need to be reassured. Still, he didn’t even know where he could or should start. Nick had always been the one that made the first move while he had been the one acting on instinct and reaction, following Nick’s lead because it was the first time that he felt those feelings and desires burning inside him. It had been like Nick had made him access to a part of him that Brian didn’t even know existed and that outshone all those experiences, albeit minimal, that he had before Nick. Knowing that he had that power, knowing that he could observe Nick and make him feel what he was feeling in certain times, it was something so crippling and, at the same time, so liberating. Especially because it wasn’t just physical desire. It was a lot more, something that sometimes he struggled to explain. 

"Stop thinking. - Came Nick's voice although still sleepy. - Rather, why don’t you think about how to give me a good morning?" 

Nick’s arms pushed Brian above him as a laugh began to tickle his throat. He lowered his face, tufts of hair that brushed against, while the lips murmured the best of greetings. Nick's fingers slipped under his shirt, giving rise to chills that had nothing to do with the cold. "Good morning." 

"Oh, it’s definitely a good one."