Nick had left that place as the last when, in fact, it should have been the start of the research for his boyfriend. Because it was there, in Wood Green Cemetery, that Nick found Brian when the first signs of dusk began to get noticed here and there in the sky. Although, with an honesty that could guarantee only to him, those hours of research served to mentally prepare him about everything that he was supposed to say. It would be a long conversation, but if there was one thing they had learned in this entire confused situation, was that not speaking and not dealing together in the long run would made even more complicated even the slightest doubt. 

Brian had brought him in that place only a few times but Nick knew where his mother’s grave was so he made his way through the paths and he was quite shocked to notice that he wasn’t the only company Brian was having during that moment; yet, he decided not to manifest his presence and, convinced by his own curiosity, he remained silent as he listened to Brian’s confession. With his heart beating faster and faster, Nick had prayed that Brian would respond to that last question only to find them in repeating those aloud, capturing the attention of the boy. 

"I leave you alone so you could talk." Kevin apologized and then he was going, leaving Brian and Nick there, to observe and be observed as if they were two warriors, studying the enemy, pondered what was the best move to make. Brian stood up but remained firm on his feet, in spite of everything inside him that was yelling to forget the words or stab wounds, and just being together. 

"I don’t even know where I should begin. Maybe, asking your forgiveness. I never thought of being someone so vindictive and, in my alibi, I can only say that I wasn’t doing it intentionally. But a part of me wanted to punish you because you had abandoned me, it wanted to make you feel the same pain that I had felt it and how it feels like to be completely cut off from your life. And with this all Europe’s story, this voice has become louder the more you were so excited, almost as if you couldn’t wait to be finally without me... - Nick shook his head, biting his lip nervously. - ... but it hurt me too. Seeing you cry, knowing that I was the cause of those tears, made me feel like the worst person in the world. And the truth is that I don’t want to be without you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Even if we are separated by an ocean.” 

Brian metabolized every word and every trace of pain behind that mea culpa. "I could never live without you. I smile, yes, I’m excited but just because I don’t want you to be worried about me. I never defended myself against your stabs because I deserved them, although there were so many times when I wanted to ask you to stop. - Brian ventured to approach Nick. He waited until Nick was looking at him in the eye before continuing. - I am a better person because of you. And it is only thanks to you if I can start to think and believe that I can live these months alone without destroy me. Because you'll come back. You will come back to me." 

Nick wrote off the last few inches remained between them, his hands went and wrapped themselves around Brian’s wrists as his lips rested on his forehead. "Leave with me. Come with me." 

Brian stood on tiptoe, touching the tip of the nose of Nick. "Let’s go home.” 

****

There was no hurry, there was no tension that would lead them to undress and try to find relief in the world that belonged only to them. That evening, when they returned into the apartment, they did it in a comfortable silence, aware of the fact that for all that time they had only played themselves, chased each other around with the illusion of being able to heal. 

They didn’t lit up any light as, hand in hand, they reached the bedroom, lying on that bed that had been a witness not only to confessions of love but also of suffering and tears. Facing each other, where eyes that reflected and were reflected in the same shade of blue, the only contact belonged to their fingers were intertwined and the other hand that sometimes lingered in a caress. Many words weren’t said by using their voice: instead, they travelled over them and were heard only by their hearts, those who had more need of reassurance and comfort. Others, however, needed to be heard because they needed an answer to their prayers. 

"You weren’t there. - Nick whispered, in a tone that didn’t want to be accusatory. He wanted to explain, to make Brian understand where that resentment was born along with the desire to ease Brian’s grief. - The only time I needed you, that I needed to know that you were by my side and proud of me... you weren’t there. You were gone, you left me and I was completely alone." 

"But I was there Nick. - Brian's answer was like a breath of wind that blew away any hard feelings still alive inside Nick. Because they were sincere. There was no doubt about the honesty that made warmer that voice. - I found myself at the museum instead of going home and I saw you. You were there, surrounded by people hanging on your every word and I listened admired. There I realized that that was your world. There I realized that I couldn’t love anyone else as I love you. And I'm proud of you. I am proud of how you've conquered all and how you are going to conquer Europe." 

That was the power of love, that true love that Nick had started to know when he was little. Now, he felt it coursing through his veins, taking away all that accumulation of negative emotions that had turned him into a different person during those days. With one admission, Brian had canceled any insecurities that if he ever needed something from him, Brian would be there. Even if they weren’t together, even miles away, Brian was his star that would always show him the right path to follow. 

How could he have doubted? For the first time, to his relief, no voice answered that question. So Nick was able to quietly curl up around Brian and sink into the scent of which he wouldn’t ever be satisfied. "I'm sorry." He murmured in a breath, closing his eyes as Brian's arms went around him. 

"We have a lot to be forgiven, Nick."                                  

"Can we no longer think about our wrongs? We hurt each other, we apologized. Now... now we just have to love each other.” 

"I definitely approve your idea." 

"Will you think of my proposal, at least?" Nick asked, resting his head on Brian’s shoulder. 

Brian placed a kiss on his hair. "I can’t promise you anything. But I will think about it."