Chapter Sixteen
That morning, we had a fan we were visiting for a segment on the Rikki Lake Show, and then it was onto the soundchecks and rehearsals. Before the show, I managed to squeeze in a quick dinner with Leighanne that consisted of food she'd brought with her. We sat on a couple of crates out back of the venue and ate chinese noodles from the boxes with plastic forks. "How did your commercial go?" I asked, dangling noodles over my open mouth and dropping them in.
Leighanne smiled, "It went well, I think it's gonna be a good one." She nodded and stuck a water chestnut into her mouth neatly. "How about you, how has the last two days been in Backstreet Land?" she asked.
"Well, remember the fire alarm in Tampa?"
"The one where I ended up on the side walk in your t-shirt for an hour? Yes."
"Yeah that's the one," I said, nodding, "I liked that by the way. You in my t-shirt, that is."
Leighanne laughed, "What about the fire alarm?"
"Nick pulled it," I said.
Leighanne put her fork into her Chinese food bucket. "Seriously?" she asked, laughing, "What a little twit."
I laughed, "I know."
"Why would he do that?"
"He saw the sock on the door," I laughed.
Leighanne shook her head, her laughter dying to a chuckle. She looked up at me, her eyes sparkled with knowledge, her voice leveled completely. "He doesn't like me very much, does he?" she asked.
I lowered my fork into my food as well. "I think he's wary," I replied, "But he's had bad examples of what ma--" I stopped mid-word, my cheeks burning.
"What?" Leighanne's eyebrows were up.
"Couples," I choked the word out, "He's got a bad example of what couples are like because his parents are kind of... crazy..." my voice faded out and I stared down at the noodles, chewing.
Leighanne let out a breath she'd held and went back to her noodles.
"So did he get caught?" she asked after a few minutes of silence passed by us.
"Yeah," I replied, my voice still shaky.
"He in trouble?" she asked.
"Court next month," I replied.
"Same time as your doctor's appointment?" she asked, "Schedule too busy for court, too?"
I nodded.
"Brian --" Leighanne started, but the back door to the venue opened and Johnny was silouhetted against the light in the hall behind him.
"Show time, B-Rok," he said, then he nodded at Leighanne and disappeared into the venue again.
Leighanne pushed her fork into her Chinese container, folded the cover and bent the little wire handle to keep the container closed. "Date's over, huh?" she asked quietly.
I closed my container, too. "I guess so," I said quietly right back.
Leighanne drew a deep breath, "I miss you, you know," she said. She held onto the zipper of my jacket with her free hand and stared into my eyes, "When you aren't here." She leaned forward and kissed me softly.
I kissed her back and dropped my left over noodle container on the ground so I could wrap both my hands around her. I held her tight. "I miss you too," I whispered in her ear.
The door to the venue opened again, "Brian I'm not kidding," Johnny said, leaning out, "Get in here."
"Okay," I said. I released Leighanne from my grasp and picked up the Chinese container. "Next month," I told her, "Two whole weeks, just you and me."
"And your doctor," she added.
I laughed, "And a doctor." I kissed her cheek and we went inside.
She was escorted by security to her seat in the crowd and I jogged to get the last of my stage clothes put on. Nick was standing in the hall by the dressing room. "Johnny said you had Leighanne out there," he said.
"I did," I answered, kicking into my stage shoes and shrugging off my jacket.
Nick leaned against the wall, watching. "Did you ask her?"
"Nope," I replied, "Not yet." I tightened the laces on my sneakers.
"Good," he said, and he ducked out of the dressing room.
I rolled my eyes at the spot where he'd been, then ran after him. We got on stage and the music rose and the lights went out and the fans went crazy and we ran out onto the stage as That's The Way I Like It began. I couldn't help but peeking down at Leighanne a couple times during the show, and she was always smiling up at me, pride in her eyes. I wished I could've grabbed Nick and told him to look and see how she looked at me, rip open my heart and let him see how she made me feel. More than anything, I wanted Nick to understand why I was in love with Leighanne Wallace and why I wanted more than anything for her last name to be Littrell.
After the show, Leighanne was waiting in the dressing room, having gotten up before the encore to squeeze in one last good-bye kiss before we left. I held her close and she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my ear lobe. "I love you," she whispered, "Stay safe, okay?"
"I will," I replied.
Nick was sitting in his seat, staring at us in a disapproving way. When we broke apart, Leighanne turned to him and he looked away quickly. She put a hand on his shoulder, "And Happy Birthday, Nick." She smiled.
He looked up, "It's not until the 28th," he answered flatly.
Leighanne didn't let his attitude pause her. "I know but I won't see you the 28th, so happy birthday early." She kissed his cheek and smiled, waved to me, then was escorted away by one of our security guards.
Nick wiped the kiss of his cheek, "Ugh," he groaned.
I smacked the back of his head.
"Ow, what the hell is that for?"
"Being a putz," I answered, "Dude she's trying so hard."
"Hey I stopped calling her Boob Job Barbie, isn't that what you wanted?"
"I wanted you to try being friends with her," I replied.
We were whisked off to the van that carried us to the airport and off to DC. The next week was scheduled so tight that I was pretty certain we were all going to go crazy. Once we reached the end of it, though, we'd be at the end of the first leg of the tour and I had the image of Leighanne in my head to keep me going. I have to admit I felt a little bit like a superman as we plowed through TV appearances, radio interviews, meet and greets, rehearsals, soundchecks, and shows. From DC to Rhode Island to Long Island.
The day that we played Plainview for the first of two times we spent the morning in New York City since all our TV and radio work was going to be covered the second time we were in town - on Nick's birthday. AJ's mother had flown up to visit with him, while Kevin was going with Howie to a museum, but Nick wanted to go to the Empire State Building, so we walked up Fifth Avenue together talking and jumping over snow patches that dotted the sidewalks.
Steam rose up from the subways and manholes on the streets and yellow cabs splashed through heavy slush that filled the curbs. The streets in Manhattan have a scent all their own - something between Italian Sausage and pollution - and by the time we'd reachd the looming tower my fingers were aching with cold.
We ducked into a shop with a spinner of postcards out on the sidewalk despite the cold weather, and looked around at plastic Statues of Liberty and tiny shot glasses with "I (heart) NY" printed on them. I was looking at an apple-shaped music box when Nick let out a shrill squeak of excitement. "Dude!" he yelled, "Look!"
I turned and Nick was holding up a t-shirt that was about fifteen sizes too big for him that said "I Survived The Great Ice Storm '98" on it. "I need this!" he exclaimed, "Because, you know, we did and stuff."
I hardly would've considered riding a van for a block and a half to the venue a case of surviving a storm that had kicked a quarter of Canada's electrical provider's asses, but Nick was too excited to tell him I thought so. He bought the t-shirt and one printed to look like King Kong's chest and we went back out into the cold and into the State Building's lobby.
The elevator ride to the top took forever and I started to feel a little claustrophobic in it. We were on a elevator car with a girl who kept glancing over at us, looking a little sick to her stomach and I worried she might throw up until she finally got the courage to explain she'd been a fan forever and wanted our autographs. We signed her I heart NY t-shirt and when the elevators door opened she was still gushing with thanks.
Out on the observation deck, we stared out at the city and I felt a little queasy when I realized how high up 108 stories really is. Nick laughed and frolicked around the perimeter of the deck, clearly not as effected by the height as I was. Normally he was, but I guess he felt the building was solid enough to not be bothered by it. I found myself grabbing the railing each time we looked over. He settled finally on a spot that looked south, towards Ellis Bay and the Statue of Liberty. The city scape lay before us, huge and full.
"It's weird," he said, "Being on top of the world like this." He grinned, "I wonder what God thinks when he looks at us and we all look like lil specks to him huh?"
"Yeah," I agreed. I stared down at the ground, at the cars moving like toys and the people - like Nick had said, little specks far below - everyone going somewhere, everybody carrying secrets and a story just the way me and Nick were. Every single one of them. I turned away from the edge and looked up at the cloudy sky as the wind whipped around us. The antennae of the building loomed higher even than where we stood and a pigeon sat, her wings curled against the wind, on a small ledge.
"When I was little, I thought that being famous felt like this," Nick said.
I turned to look at him.
"I used to sit on rocks in the backyard and sing to the grass and picture the grass was the people and I thought audiences looked like that, like little tiny dots staring up at big ol' me on the stage. But it's not like that at all. I'm really only a very small piece of it all, just like all of them," he chewed on his lower lip, "I'm just a blade of grass too." He looked at me. "You know what I mean?" he asked.
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
Nick looked back at the city. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't so small."
"I know you aren't making it up," I told him, "About Lou."
Nick smiled sadly. "I'm glad someone does," he said.
"Something needs to be done about him," I said.
"Like what?" Nick asked.
"I don't know but he's not treating us fairly, any of us, but especially not you. It's not right. It's not fair and it's not right." I looked down at my feet as I leaned against the ledge. "We make minimum wage doing more work than any work ethic requires, and you--" I shook my head, "The price tag to fame shouldn't be innocence."
Nick nodded.
I drew a deep breath. "I just know he can't get away with it. I don't know what I'm gonna do but something needs to be done. And if nobody else will hear me - or you - about it, then... damn it, I'll do it myself."
Nick turned to look at me. "What if you can't be a Backstreet Boy anymore if you do something though?" he had genuine panic in his eyes.
"Nobody can make me stop being a Backstreet Boy, Nick," I replied, "Being a Backstreet Boy isn't about being in a band anymore, really, is it? It's about who we are, what we are to each other. Being a Backstreet Boy isn't a label, it's a family."
"Yeah?"
"Yes," I answered.
"So we're like brothers then?"
"Yes."
Nick smiled, "I hope you're less annoying than my other brother," he laughed.
"Trust me, I do too," I laughed also.
We headed back to the venue after that, only stopping long enough to get sausages and for Nick to buy a Yankee's cap, which he wore on stage that night. MTV was there, filming bits of the show to play on the Total Request Live segment the following week. Nick licked the camera at one point. When we got off stage, we had a flight to California to catch, and Johnny and Lou were rushing us along as usual.
In my head, I kept repeating the conversation Nick and I had held, kept revisiting my promise to do something about Lou, and I knew that I was going to need help if I wanted the case to uphold anywhere. After all, Lou had been sued plenty of times in the past - for reasons, he claimed, that were beyond his control. I wondered how much of this story he would tell people in the future, and how out of control we would be made out to seem when he told it.
I was just about asleep on the plane when Nick leaned over, "Hey Brian?" he asked.
"Hmmm?" I rolled my head to the side to look at him.
"I'm glad you're my family."
"I'm glad too," I mumbled.
He was quiet a second. "Hey Brian?"
"Hmm?"
"Did you tell Boo-- Leighanne that it was my birthday or did she just know?" he asked.
"She just knew," I replied.
Nick smiled.
"She actually cares about you, you know, you twinkie," I said.
"Mm, twinkies sound really good actually."
"Don't forget your resolution," I reminded him, smirking.
Nick laughed, "S'long as you don't forget yours."
Chapter End Notes:
The Rikki Lake show appearance mentioned in the beginning of this chapter can be found at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLrLruJQ-lo&feature=relmfu
Also, the t-shirt Nick bought really existed! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:1998_Ice_storm_shirt.jpg
Also, the t-shirt Nick bought really existed! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:1998_Ice_storm_shirt.jpg
