We spend a good two hours at The Grizzly House, talking and laughing over a steak and seafood hot pot. Brian seems relaxed at the restaurant, even reaching for my hand and giving me the occasional squeeze. It’s when we walk back out onto the streets that his mood does a complete turn-around. Linda and Renald decided to split up with us to do some quick shopping at the mall before meeting up later in the evening, and I take this as an opportunity to talk to Brian.

“Is everything okay, Bri?” I ask as we stroll along downtown Banff, Bronx at Brian’s side.

He nods and lets out a slow breath. “Yeah,” he drawls in that Southern accent. “I’m sorry, I’m just not used to being out without security. I guess I’m paranoid.” He looks at me sheepishly and then it suddenly dawns on me.

How could I have completely disregarded the fact that, at any time, a throng of girls could come running and do some serious damage? “Oh, Brian, I’m sorry,” I reply, looking up at him. He looks straight ahead; jaw tight and eyes set. “I guess I’m so holed up here in this town that I keep forgetting the lifestyle you have outside of it. Of course, you must be a bit nervous.” I pause, contemplating. “When was the last time you were out like this?”

He smiles at my question. “In all honesty?” He goes silent for a second and seems to mull it over in his head. “I can’t remember,” he finally says and my heart constricts; with pity? Sympathy? I’m not sure.

“You’re so young, living like this.”

He nods. “It’s not as bad now, but I think the paranoia is still there. I was only 18 years old when it all started,” he says and then smiles. “I remember, in Japan, maybe two years ago, Nick and I wanted McDonald’s really bad at like 3 in the morning after a concert. We didn’t call up for security though, and it was just a quick stop a couple blocks down from our hotel. So we just went, the two of us at a twenty-four hour McDonalds.” He laughs. “Then, a group of about ten girls came in after a night of clubbing, instantly recognized us. Apparently they were at our show – they called their girlfriends and their girlfriends call their girls – and well, you can guess what happened after that.” We fall silent as I try to take this in, but it’s hard to grasp. “We got in so much shit that night.”

“Well, if it helps, the population here is mainly old people and crazy ones like Linda.”

He looks at me and his face breaks out into a grin. “How do you do that?”

I glance at him, confused. “Do what?”

He shrugs. “You just… manage to make me laugh.”

I smile and shrug, too. “No biggy.”

He lets out a sigh and puts an arm over my shoulder, stopping in front of a gift shop. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs and gives me a small smile. “You deserve better than this.” His expression is pained, genuine and he gives me a tight hug. “I care about you, London. More than I should.”

I’m lost in his blue eyes again and I feel it in my stomach. “Why?” I breathe. “Why can’t you let yourself care?”

He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them there’s a look of frustration etched on his face. “It’s complicated,” he says quietly. “Very, very complicated. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know-“ He groans and the frown on his face deepens. “I know you can, London. But this – my life is crazy right now. I left everything to isolate myself from everyone, London, doesn’t that say anything to you?” We both go silent; blue eyes burning into hazel again. “Don’t be stubborn,” he says harshly and I wince. “I can’t. If this was another time, it would be you and I.”

At this, I tilt my chin up indignantly and glare at him. “So why keep me around? For your selfish purposes?”

He gasps. “I gave you a choice. It takes two.”

“God, you are such an asshole sometimes, you know that?” He takes his arms off my shoulder and stares at me hard. I swallow.

“You don’t have to be here, London, and you know that. You want me just as much as I want you. We both can’t deny that,” he growls, his voice quiet and filled with passion. His eyes flicker up then and in an instant, his whole demeanor changes. He tenses, expression filled with fear and horror. I whip around to see what he was looking at, but nothing is there – just a van parked across the street. He grabs my arm and ushers me quickly into the gift store.

“Bri, what-?” Bewildered, I look at him and the same expression is still there. Worry washes over me and I’m trying not to panic.

“Sir, there’s no dogs allowed in the store,” a lady in a powder blue fleece vest calls from the checkout counter.

“Sorry,” Brian mumbles and walks out with Bronx. A bell jingles as the door opens and closes and I stand there awkwardly waiting as Brian ties Bronx’s leash to a pole outside. He comes back in, face flushed but looking more relieved.

“What is going on with you?” I hiss as he leads us to the back of the gift store, pretending to look at the merchandise as he went along.

“I thought I saw somebody,” he mumbles and gives me an apologetic look.

“Who?” Who could possibly illicit so much fear in him by just spotting them on the streets?

“This is why you shouldn’t get involved with me.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Being with me is so dangerous for you, I’m being serious.”

“Then what? I shouldn’t be involved? Do you want me to go now?”

His eyes widen. “No, I-“

“Then what? I’m involved already, Brian! It’s not that easy.” We glare at each other and from my peripheral view I can see the lady at the counter eyeing us warily. “If you don’t want me to have anything to do with you, then I’ll go. I can-“

“No. Stop,” he whispers, his voice and eyes softening. He takes my face into his hands. “Stop.” He takes a deep breath and gives me a kiss on the lips and I feel my frustration melting. “You’re not going anywhere. I’ll keep you safe.”

And, in that moment, feeling his arms on me and smelling the familiar scent of him… I do feel safe.

“Oh, Brian,” I sigh, letting my forehead fall to his chest. “This so messed up.”

“I know, baby,” he murmurs, resting his chin on the top of my head. “And I’m sorry that it is. My life is messed up right now.”

“Tell me,” I whisper, looking up at him. My eyes are searching his, but he gives nothing away.

He shakes his head. “I can’t tell you, London.” He pauses, gazing at me for a few seconds. “But, to be fair, I’m giving you warning right now that even just being around me is dangerous for you.”

“Does Nick know about this? Does your family? Your friends?”

The pain in his eyes answers my question. “They can’t know. I’ve already told you too much.”

Before I could reply, the lady in the fleece vest interrupts us. “Can I help you with anything?” she asks and we jump back from each other, startled. She gives us a friendly but guarded look. I realize that we must look somewhat suspicious talking in hushed tones in the back of a gift shop.

Brian clears his throat. “We were just discussing which… um, crystal rock is nicer,” he replies and I have to clamp my mouth shut to keep from giggling.

At this, the lady’s face lights up instantly and she goes off into a breathless dialogue about the history of crystal rocks and what each represents. Brian widens his eyes at me when she turns away to pick one up off the shelf and I raise mine to the ceiling. “Good going,” I mouth at him and he shrugs, a sheepish grin on his face.

About forty-five minutes later, we finally step out of the gift shop. The sun is beginning to set behind the mountains and there’s a slight chill in the air. “I can’t believe you actually bought that,” I laugh, motioning to the bag in Brian’s hand that contains a large box with a very large purple and turquoise crystal rock.

“I felt bad. She was so passionate about it.” We both laugh as I untie Bronx, who is all too happy to see us.

“Sorry boy,” I murmur, giving him a scratch behind the ears. “Brian set off rock lady.”

“There you guys are!” We turn around just as Linda and Renald are walking up the street. “What is that?” She points to Brian’s bag.

“A rock,” he replies and I laugh.

She gives him a confused look before shaking her head and continuing, “We bought movies and some groceries. You guys up for a movie night in at my place?”

I look over at Brian and he looks relieved. “Sounds like a good plan,” he says with a grin. I’m guessing it’s because we’ll be indoors, away from prying eyes and apparent potential danger. I still haven’t had time to wrap my head around this. I catch him sweep a nervous glance around the streets and a tiny voice appears at the back of my head. What have I gotten myself into?