Every Road Leads Back
By Dottie
Copyright 2012
Chapter 26
Nick goes back to his hotel and calls AJ. While he's not thrilled with meeting Nick to talk about Giselle, AJ agrees. He walks into the bar at Nick's hotel, wondering what Nick's angle is.
Once their seated, Nick says, "AJ, man, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit. You ok?"
AJ just nods. "Fine Nick. What did you need to talk to me about?"
Nick lowers his eyes. "Giselle. I didn't...AJ how did I fuck this up so badly? Why didn't you tell me she was still in love with me?"
AJ watches Nick, his expression guarded. "I wanted her to get over you Nick. I wanted you to leave her alone. She deserves better than what you put her through and I don't want you to hurt her again." His eyes narrow. "You didn't...what did you do Nick?"
Nick sighs. "Fuck, AJ, I thought she was over me. I asked her to talk to Sandy...to tell her we've been through for a long time. She freaking lost it on me in the restaurant."
AJ's anger comes to a slow boil, but he keeps his voice in check. "What did you expect Nick? Look at what you did to her? You didn't even go to her when she lost the baby. Did you even grieve? Did you feel bad about it? Cause she did."
Nick sighs. "You know I felt bad, AJ. But you know how fucked up I was. We both were. How was I supposed to feel something when I was doing everything in my power to be numb? Shit, we both were."
AJ rubs his neck. "I know. She and I made peace, but Nick...I don't think she's ever going to be able to trust you. You have to work this shit out with Sandy on your own and you have to let Giselle go."
Nick drops his head in his hands. "AJ, the funny thing is I really do love her. I love her in ways I could never love Sandy. Until tonight, I didn't think she would ever love me back, but she does. What do I do?"
AJ wants to tell him to go fuck himself. But watching Nick...this is something he's never seen. Nick vulnerable. Hell, he almost looks scared. AJ rolls the hem of his shirt in his fingers, a nervous habit he picked up on the road many years ago. "Nick...be honest...if you could choose the ONE person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, who would you pick, Sandy or Giselle?"
Nick raises his head and without hesitation, says, "Giselle. I'm not kidding Man. I never ever got over her. How do I make it right?"
AJ sighs heavily. "Truthfully, I don't know if you can Nick. She's...different now. I mean, she's still my best friend and still busts my balls when I'm stupid, but she's so sad. All the time. I don't know how to make her happy again." He watches Nick. "But you might can. IF you mean it. Cause Nick, so help me if you hurt her in any way, I swear by all that's holy I will beat the living shit out of you and leave you for dead in the desert."
Nick's mouth drops. "You're fucking serious!"
AJ decides to hold nothing back. "You're damn right I'm serious. Aside from my Mom and Brooke, Giselle is the most important person in my life. She put up with all kinds of shit from me being a non-existent friend. I will NOT let her down again and I damn sure won't let you hurt her again."
Nick feels tears burn his eyes. He whispers, "I swear to God, AJ I love her. I always have and I know now I probably always will. Even if she doesn't give me a chance...Sandy was right...I do still love Giselle."
AJ believes him. Maybe Nick is finally growing up. "What do you want me to do?"
Nick bites his nails. "I don't know. How can I make her listen to me?"
AJ snorts. "That won't be easy Nick."
Nick nods. "I know. I fucked it up pretty good, didn't I?"
AJ holds nothing back. "You fucked it up big time Nick. Now it's time to man up and admit that to her. Make HER believe you when you say you're sorry. And for the love of God, mean it when you say it."
Nick nods. "I do mean it AJ. I love her. I do love Giselle."
AJ watches Nick. "Then leave her alone for a while. I'll go check on her on my way home, test the waters. I mean it, I'll call you when I think she's ready to see you, ok? Till then, back off."
Nick nods. "AJ...I don't know if it means anything now, but I am sorry."
AJ chuckles. "Me too, Nick. You got fucked up because of me. Maybe it's time we grow up and become real men and own up to our mistakes."
Nick eyes him curiously. "You ok, AJ?"
AJ just shrugs. "Brooke wants to get married. I don't know if I'm to that point yet. I love her and I want to be with her the rest of my life...I just never thought marriage was for me."
Nick nods. "Do you think marriage will change things between you and Brooke?" AJ shakes his head. "Then marry her! It gives her what she needs. Is that so hard?"
AJ looks at Nick dumbfounded. "You know, for an idiot, you make a lot of sense."
Nick tries to laugh, but it's forced. "I don't know, AJ. I think I messed up the best thing I ever had...I don't think I can ever love anyone else the way I do Giselle."
AJ smiles. "Now you know what Brooke means to me."
Giselle makes it home and collapses against the front door, sliding to the floor sobbing. She can't believe she just did that. In public, no less. But...it forced her to realize something she's tried to avoid, ignore and pretend isn't real: she does still love Nick.
She hits her head against the door and mutters, "How stupid can I be?"
She stares off into space, the tears slowly drying up. Her eyes feel puffy and swollen and her body aches. She closes her eyes and prays for some sort of closure. Some way to move on and get over Nick.
When AJ knocks on her door, it startles her. She raises her voice enough to ask, "Who is it?"
When she hears, "It's me, Elle, open up!" she knows Nick called him. Pushing herself off the floor, she unlocks it and slowly pulls it open. When AJ sees her, he just opens his arms. "Come here."
She falls against him and he holds her tight. She doesn't have any tears left to cry. "AJ, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get over Nick and find a nice, NORMAL guy that will love me."
He lays his head against hers. "You may not like my answer. Let's talk, Elle."
After they sit, she says, "I met Nick tonight. He wants me to tell his girlfriend I don't love him anymore."
AJ nods. "He told me." He smirks at her shocked look. "You shook him to the core tonight, Elle. He didn't think...he figured he was such an asshole to you that you hated him. He didn't realize you still love him."
Fresh tears pool on her lashes. "I don't want to love him, AJ. I want to hate him. I want to loathe him with a passion, but I just can't."
He nods, reaching over to take her hand. "Elle...he does really love you."
She shakes her head violently. "NO! Stop it AJ! Don't do this to me!"
He keeps a tight hold on her so she can't run. "You're going to listen to everything I have to say...then I'll leave and we'll never talk about Nick again. Unless you want to. Agreed?"
She nods warily and scoots farther away from him, curling up in a ball on the far corner of the couch. "Why AJ? Why do you want to talk about him now?"
AJ sighs. "Because there are things you need to know. About our life, touring, and everything. Will you just listen?" She nods again. "Nick...I was a bad influence on Nick. None of the other guys would party with me. Nick was easy to manipulate, so I did. I got him hooked on booze, cocaine, weed...you name it, we did it."
Her mouth drops open. He looks so desolate. So guilty. "AJ...he was a grown man."
AJ shakes his head. "No, he was a kid then. We both were. Kids playing grown up with a seemingly endless amount of money and women wanting to cater to our every desire. I'm not proud of it, Elle. I'm ashamed of most of it, and so is Nick."
She looks bewildered. "What are you saying, AJ?"
Taking a deep breath, he says, "Nick called me after you left tonight. Your...confession...nearly broke him. He...thought you hated him. He wasn't prepared to hear you say you still love him."
Her heart starts to pound. "I don't...AJ, I can't love him. There's nothing left of my heart for him to break."
AJ frowns. "You don't get it Elle. He loves you too. Real, honest-to-God love. I saw it tonight. We sat in the bar at his hotel and he cried. He gave up because he thought you hated him." When she doesn't say anything, he goes on. "Elle, he did...he was shattered about the baby. He...the booze and drugs were a way to feel numb...we couldn't cope with pain so we buried it and covered it with anything we could get our hands on. I won't lie, I was in bad shape. Maybe worse than Nick, I don't know."
She scoots closer to him. "AJ, this isn't just about Nick, is it?"
He shakes his head. "Not really. But we're gonna talk about him first. Elle, can you give him one last chance? Would you?"
She leans back a little. "I don't know, AJ. There's a lot...it's been over ten years." She looks away. "He's the only man I've ever been with AJ."
AJ blushes as bad as she does. "I don't need to know details, ok?" She can't help but giggle at his panicked tone of voice. He chuckles with her before saying, "I believe him. I believe he loves you. I told him I'd talk to you but it's your decision whether or not you want to give him a chance."
She nods. "I need to think about it AJ. I don't know."
He nods. "Nick's going to leave you alone. I told him you need space. When you're ready...call me. Call him. I don't know..."
She scoots closer to him. "What's wrong AJ?"
He shrugs. "Brooke wants to get married. Until tonight, I didn't think I did. Then Nick said something that totally made sense."
Curiosity gets the best of her. "What did he say?"
A small smile tugs at his lips. "He said for me to marry her. If I love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her, I should marry her and give her what she needs. My full commitment."
Giselle scoots closer to him and he pulls her into his arms. While she's snuggled against him, she says, "He's right, AJ. If you know she's the one, then marriage is just a piece of paper telling the world you found your soulmate."
AJ kisses the top of her head. "Will you be my best man?"
She laughs. "Only if you're my maid-of-honor...if..."
He squeezes her. "He's not gonna hurt you, Elle. Give him a chance."
