Nick’s pov –

“Leigh-“ I said but she just kept going.

“Leigha-“ Again she kept going. All the while I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.

“Leighanne!” I shouted and she finally stopped.

“You gotta stop crying, I can’t understand.” My heart was beating so hard. I was afraid of what it was she was trying to tell me.

“Oh Nick, He thought I was his nurse.” She sobbed.

“What? I don’t understand.” I felt lost.

“He woke up. I was sitting in his room and he woke up. He acted like he was fine. He asked what happened. I thought everything was gonna be ok.” She sounded like she was trying so hard to remain calm so I could understand her.

“Then what Leighanne?” I asked now sitting on the very edge of my bed in the hotel room I rented near the hospital.

“He started asking about all of you. I told him that you three were gonna be ok and he started to cry. He asked about Kevin. It never even hit me as odd but he seemed to not know Kevin wasn’t in the band anymore. Finally, I called him baby and asked if he was ok and… he got freaked out…”

I could hear the tears coming back. “I know this is hard but stay calm. I have to understand what you’re saying.” I reassured her. I didn’t know how I was staying calm. Inside the pieces I had crumbled into were turning into powder.

“He… He didn’t know me. He thought I was his nurse. When his actual nurse told him I was his wife… Nick, he passed out.”

I didn’t understand. “He, remembered us and Kevin, but not you?” I asked.

She barely squeaked “Yeah” and sobbed a bit more. “They, they made me leave the room. A- About five minutes ago they came out and said he woke up and was crying for Kevin. I called him and he’s on the next flight out but it doesn’t leave for three hours.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say.

“They told him Kevin wouldn’t be here for a while and said he then demanded to see you.”

“Me? Why me?” Tears moistened my eyes. I was lost entirely. Brian and I were still friends but… not best friends… not anymore. Brian and AJ were best friends now. Also, I couldn’t go see Brian. The thought of him being in that bed in a coma had me beyond upset because it was all my fault. There was no way I could see him, in person, hurting and confused.

“I don’t know Nick. Please just come. He wants you.” She began crying again.

I froze.

“Nick, please.” She cried harder.

I swallowed hard. I was terrified. I however, had to do this. This was my fault. I had to do whatever it took to fix things. I owed it to Brian. “Alright, I’m on my way.”

“Thank you so much Nick.”

“Yeah, bye.” I hung up and stared at the phone.

I had no idea how I was gonna do this. None the less, I had to.

I pulled myself together despite my not caring what I looked like. The press around Brian’s hospital would be sure to photograph me and I didn’t feel like getting yelled at by my agent for looking like crap.

I then went down stairs and got into my rental car. I triple checked my mirrors. Double checked that the radio was off and turned my cell phone off before starting the car. Ever since the accident driving scared me. I wasn’t really afraid of injuring or killing myself, I almost felt like I deserved it considering the circumstances.  I had caused the crash and had walked away the only one with minor injuries. Howie’s didn’t seem that bad but headaches had been crippling him. Anyway, my fear was causing more people harm.

A short while later I pulled into the hospital. I got out and handed my keys to the complimentary valet as the photographers began taking my photo.

“Nick, how are the guys doing?” A reporter called.

I didn’t wanna answer. I walked closer to the door.

“Come on, Nick the fans an update!” Another shouted.

I swallowed hard and turned to the crowd, “Howie is doing alright. AJ is expecting to be released soon.” My voice was softer than normal.

“…and Brian?” Someone yelled.

“All I know is that he woke up.” I half lied. The rest was no one’s business.

They kept asking questions but I simply turned and walked inside. Upon reaching the waiting room Leighanne came rushing up to me. Her arms wrapped around me. She looked terrible. I couldn’t blame her.

“Have you heard anything else?” I asked as she pulled away.

“The doctor came out and talked to me. They think he has amnesia or brain damage but can’t be sure till they do some test.” She sniffled.

“When are they gonna do that?” I asked as we moved away from the elevator.

“I’m not sure. They just said they didn’t want to do them yet. They are worried about overwhelming him.”

I nodded and then looked around uncomfortably. I noticed Baylee was not here. “Where’s Bay?” I asked.

“Hotel with my Harold.” She explained.

“His parents still haven’t been able to get out here?” I asked.

“No, his dad has been sick.”

“Has Baylee gotten to see him?” I wanted to know. The little I had heard, Bay was really worried and scared.

“No and the doctors don’t want him to. Brian passed out hearing I was his wife. They are worried about how he will react when he learns he is a father. They’ve asked for no one to tell him until they are sure he’s strong enough to handle the news.”

I again I just nodded. All of this was way more than just a hard pill to swallow.

Brian’s pov-

“I want Nick! I need Nick!” I cried.

“I understand Mr. Littrell. Your wife said he’s on his way.” The nurse told me as I wiped more tears from my eyes.

“Don’t call her that. I don’t even know her.” I almost snarled. The little I knew for sure about myself at the moment I knew it was out of character for me to be rude. I couldn’t help it though.  I was scared and confused all on top of being agitated.

No matter how many questions I asked, no one would tell me anything. The nurse had said the woman was my wife. I had no idea how that was possible. I could not remember having ever met her. It scared me that I had lost time in my head. No matter how I cried and begged though, no one would confirm so much as what year it was let alone why I felt like I couldn’t remember my life.

“Bri?” I heard him from the door.

Looking up I saw Nick. It was the most comforting thing I had seen since waking up. In fact, it was the only comforting thing I had seen.

“Nick, thank God.” More tears fell from eyes.

He seemed unsure of what to do. He seemed scared.

I reached out my hand for him and slowly he walked over to me and grabbed it.

“How are you?”

It seemed like a dumb question but I answered honestly, “Terrible. I have no idea what’s going on.”

He bit his lip looking away from me.

“Nicky, please tell me something. They won’t tell me anything.”

“We were in a car accident.” He told me.

“I know. There was a woman in my room when I woke up. She told me about the accident and how all of you were.” I explained as he finally let go of my hand.

He nodded, “AJ may be released soon and Howie is doing better.”

“She uh…” I swallowed, “She said Kevin wasn’t with us… that he was with someone named Kristen in Kentucky.” I was hoping Nick would tell me who she was.

“Yeah buddy, Kristen is his wife.” He seemed to be relaxing a little now.

“His wife? He’s married?”

“Yeah. You don’t remember?” He asked.

I tried to shake my head even though it hurt. “Why wasn’t he with us?”

Suddenly Nick looked nervous again. His eyes danced around the room.

“Come on Nick. Tell me something. Help me figure all this out.” I begged.

He shuffled his feet a bit, “He quit the band a while back Bri.”

“What!” The news felt like someone slapped me in the face.

“He and Kristen wanted down time to focus on themselves. Plus he wanted to give her a chance to shine a little.”

Now I was certain I had lost time. “God Nick, what year is it?”

He looked very reluctant to respond. “What year do you think it is?” He asked.

“I… I’m not sure.” I really didn’t. Tears suddenly filled my eyes again. “I’m so scared Nick. I feel like I don’t even know who I am.”

Tears now filled his eyes too. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.” I tried to stop crying.

“No, it’s not. I hate that you going through all this.” He turned away as more tears began to fall.

“Please, just help me get through this.” I begged, I wasn’t sure why but I needed him.

“I’ll do my best. I promise.” He nodded looking at me again.

Even if it felt like the world around me was crashing down, it was comforting to know my best friend was here for me.

“It uh, it’s June 2010 by the way.”

“2010? That feels… so wrong.”  I couldn’t even get my messed up brain around it.

“I dunno if I’m supposed to tell you but Leighanne said the doctors told her they think you have amnesia. I guess they’re gonna test you when they think you’re up to it.”

My mouth fell open a little and I covered it with my hand. Amnesia. That explained so much. No wonder I felt confused and lost. It did unnerve me a bit though, if I didn’t remember my supposed wife, what else did I not remember? Obviously a lot.

“Leighanne? Is that her name? My…” I couldn’t say it.

“Yeah, you’re wife.” He said it for me.

The room fell silent for a moment as I willed back even more tears.

“You love her a lot. More than I’ve ever seen a man love a woman.” He softly said.

“I don’t remember. Not even meeting her.” I admitted. I hated that I didn’t know. I knew it had to be awful for her.

“You met her when we were filming the video for As Long As You Love Me.”

I tried to remember but nothing came to mind. It was all black. I slowly shook my head no.

“That was in 97.” He informed me.

It put into prospective just what all I was looking at not knowing. It seemed as though I was missing at least 18 years of my life. That was a lot.

“So then, how old am I?” I was no longer sure of anything I thought I knew.

“35.”

“I’m old.” I declared.

“What was you thinking?” I could tell he was trying not to laugh. It made me feel a little better even though I was still very scared for myself.

“Twenty or so.”

“So, you remember us being a band but not meeting Leighanne. That would mean your brain is stuck somewhere between 1995 and 1997.”

“18 to 20 years… gone.” Once again I found myself fight tears. I felt so broken.

Why had God done this to me? I wish I knew.