Half an hour later and we’re sitting on the hood of the SUV atop a hill overlooking the city of Los Angeles. I’ve replaced my heels with black Converse Chuck Taylors, my legs outstretched and crossed in front of me as I take another bite of a juicy In N Out burger.

“This is the best,” I murmur in between mouthfuls. “Don’t judge me. We don’t have this in Canada.”

Brian only grins cheekily at me as he dives into the bag of fries. “You know, I never thought I’d be dating a Canadian girl.”

I laugh at this, wiping my hands on a napkin. “Is it any different from dating an American girl?”

He shakes his head slowly. “Not really,” he replies, unwrapping his second burger. “Except for the whole, I still don’t even know all of your ethnic backgrounds thing.” He laughs slightly. “I’ve only ever dated blonde Southern types. You know, all American.”

“Funny. I’ve only ever dated mixes. You know, all Canadian.”

We both laugh at this and he takes my hand to kiss it. “The only thing I can tell you is… you’re not hard to please.” He gives me a small smile and I stare back questioningly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” he pauses and looks around us. “Were in Los Angeles and all you want to do is sit on a car and eat burgers with me. My past girlfriends expected so much more, to say the least.”

“Fancy dinners and expensive gifts?” I question and he nods. I shrug. “I was never raised that way. This is all I’ve known and all I really need.”

He sighs and cups my chin. “That’s what I love about you,” he says softly and places a light kiss on my lips. “You’re not like that. I love that you’re comfortable in sneakers and stuffing your face with food around me. I love that you don’t use my lifestyle as an excuse to get… more.”

I smile and give him another kiss. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Brian Littrell. What I appreciate about you is that you don’t even act like you’re world famous. You’re just a good old family guy with strong values. You’re grounded.”

He squints his eyes at me. “Who you calling old?”

I laugh and pull back, remembering something. “Oh that’s right, it’s your twenty-sixth birthday next week!”

He stares at me incredulously. “You mean twenty-one for the sixth time right?”

“Oh c’mon, it’s not that old!” I take a sip of root beer, biting the straw out of habit and also in thought. “What to give the man who has everything?”

“I do have everything,” he agrees and pulls me towards him. “I have you!”

“Oh my God,” I giggle. “That was the cheesiest!”

“You love it,” he teases, pulling me onto his lap.

I love you. The passing thought startles and comforts me at the same time. It feels so natural, so right at this moment. I look at him; blue eyes burning into hazel. “I-“ I hesitate and he raises his eyebrows at me, a small smile on his face. “Brian…”

“Yeah?” Whether intentionally or not, his voice comes out in a whisper. I realize I haven’t told a man that I loved him, really loved him, in a long time. What if it comes out wrong? What if it drives him off? Oh God. I’m thinking too much.

I shake my head. “Nothing.” I follow his gaze, which is towards the three bodyguards who are standing not too far away. I can tell they’re being attentive to us while still trying to give us as much privacy as they can, given their job requirements.

He sighs. “I wish we were really alone,” he says softly.

“It’s just us,” I reassure him and look off into the distance, pulling his arms around me and leaning back onto his chest.

The twinkling lights of Los Angeles sparkles in the horizon, competing with the beautiful stars scattered against a clear night sky. The moon is full tonight, casting a cool glow on the grassy hill. I sigh, content filling my heart, feeling Brian’s warm arms engulf me and his chin resting gently against my shoulder.

“I do love it,” I say and he lifts his head.

“Love what?” He shifts me so I’m looking at him, his impossible blues filled with curiosity.

“Us,” I reply.

“I love you,” he whispers without hesitation. I let in a sharp intake of breath, not expecting those words from him. My eyes widen as I stare at him, not being able to speak. I can tell he’s nervous too. Then he smiles. “Your eyes are so beautiful.” Then he pulls me into his arms and buries his nose in my hair. “The things you can make me do, London.”

“I love you, too,” I breathe, an indescribable feeling swelling in my heart. He pulls back to look at me, his blue eyes glowing. Oh, I can get lost in those eyes.

“For a second there, I thought you were gonna reject me,” he says softly, his shoulders relaxing.

“A little too late for that now, huh?” I tease and he playfully rolls his eyes at me.

“You’re such a romantic.”

“Hearing my boyfriend tell me he loves me for the very first time surrounded by In N Out wrappers?” He lets out a small laugh and pulls me back into his arms, hugging me tightly. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” I add, whispering into his ear.

“Ohh, now who’s the big cheese?” He tickles me playfully and I pull back instinctively but he holds me tight. “No. I want this moment to last for at least a few more minutes.”

We both sit still, just holding each other in silence. I can almost hear the drum of his heart against mine, his soft breathing close to my ear. “This is perfect, Brian,” I tell him and he pulls back to look at me again.

“I love you,” he says and it sends a jolt of electricity through me. I don’t think I can ever get enough of that.

“I love you too,” I reply and his face breaks out into another one of his cheesy grins.

“Just checking.”

I giggle at this and we sit in comfortable silence for a few seconds. “This is the happiest I’ve seen you all night,” I say, searching his face. “What was that meeting all about?”

He sighs and I almost regret bringing it up until he starts talking. “I’ve wanted to vent about that and just let it out, actually,” he replies. “I just didn’t want to ruin the evening.”

I shake my head. “Vent away.”

“We’ve just been having a lot of problems with our current record company.” He pauses. “For a while now, I think I speak for most of the members in the group when I say I feel like we’re just puppets on strings. It’s not the first time. The industry can just be so cut throat. People are greedy, selfish. Always taking more than what they want to give.”

I nod. “From what I saw, it seems that none of you are very happy with how you’re being treated by your label.”

“Yeah, to say the least.” He leans back, taking me with him so that we’re lying flat against the hood of the vehicle, staring up at the night sky. “I’ve been in this since high school. High school. Being young and ignorant like that, people take advantage… ya know? I’m just tired of being cheated financially, mentally, emotionally and feeling like we have no control over where our career is going. I just want to sing, that’s what I’m passionate about it. Screw all of these policies and legalities and what not, let me just sing and meet the fans who have made this all possible.” He takes a deep breath and I turn my head to watch him. He has a slight frown on his forehead and I see the strain back in his eyes. “If I had all the say in it, Black & Blue would be our last album and tour with Jive.”

“But?”

“But…” He lets out another sigh. “We’ve just signed the contract for another five albums with them. And my gut is just telling me to get out. I know better… this time around.”

“What do you think will happen after the tour?”

“I think we’re talking about some sort of hiatus,” he replies and I see the sadness in his eyes. “As much as I love touring and making music, I have to say that we’re all so burnt out.”

“What do you want?” I ask softly, squeezing his hand. He shifts so that he’s gazing at me now, really looking at me straight in the eyes.

“I want a… somewhat normal life.” He gives me a small smile. “I want to focus on my Heart Foundation, take some time off to travel the world and actually see it. I want to build a stable relationship in a home and in the not-so-distant future, I want to build a family of my own.” He laughs slightly, and his gaze turns back up to the sky. “I know… poor little rich boy, right? I have no need to complain.”

I shake my head. “No, not that,” is my reply. “At least you want the things that are most important in life. I think… once people experience the success, the wealth, and the fame, they crave simplicity. That’s to be admired, Brian, not to scoff at.”

“You know what, London?” His gaze is back on me, his expression unreadable. “You’re that for me. You’re my simplicity and stillness in a world full of crazy. That’s why I knew I didn’t have a chance at trying to stay away from you the moment I laid eyes on you.” He pauses. “Is that selfish of me?”

I mull this over in my head for a moment, and then I give him a sad smile. “Yeah, a little. But, given that someone wants me dead just for being with you and we’re completely disregarding that fact just to be together, I’m just as selfish for wanting it more than my own safety.”

He takes my hand and his stare is intense. “It’s going to be okay, baby,” he says firmly, surely.

I nod and squeeze his hand back. “I know.” After a short pause, I smile at him and add, “I trust you.” And, in that moment; safe in his arms, I feel like I’ve never spoken truer words.