I am insane to even be holding the phone let alone looking at the empty dog food bag and tapping in the number written there. My heart is pounding so hard that I'm sure Cole will find me in an hour, dead on the floor with Hoover drooling mournfully onto my forehead.
"Hello?"
Now I know they need to lock me up for good. He was the one to leave, Jill! my subconscious yells angrily. I press my hip into the counter and chew my lip.
"Hello?"
For Christ's sakes, I'm thirty-six years old and acting like an idiot. My lung practically burst, and I fight the urge to cough straight into the mouthpiece.
"Hi, it's Jill. You, um, wrote your number on my dog's food."
It was the strangest sentence I uttered. I stumbled towards the refrigerator, desperate to distract myself during the duration of the conversation. Tibby was still asleep and Cole was passed out in the living room after falling asleep during the credits of last night's movie, his stomach full of stove s'mores and popcorn.
"I wasn't sure you were going to call," Brian's tone changed and I knew the octave that it had gone down to well. Too well. "Thank you."
"Well, I," I spotted a wine cooler. Yes, it was only nine in the morning, but there was no better time than the present. I tucked the cradle into the nook of my shoulder and chin area and opened the metal top with the bottom of my sleep shirt. The first sip of Seagram's Jamaican Me Happy was like liquid gold massaging my throat. "I know you said you wanted to catch up."
"That was a stupid way of putting it, but I figured, in front of the kids..." he trailed off.
"Yeah," I answered, unsure of what to say.
"I'd like a chance to tell you what really went down that day and the days after we broke up. I've never forgotten you Jilly Bean. You were my first love."
The alcohol burned - burned! - my stomach. "You can't go back," I said sourly.
"I know," he assured me. "but I'd like to go forward knowing that I've cleared the air. It won't make me look any less than a jackass, but at least you'll know the whole story."
The whole story. I knew the whole story. I let him get away. Yes, we broke up, but I could have fought harder to keep us together. After all, there was that one time, in between the two blondes that took my place...
"--around noon?"
I had totally tuned him out. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"I asked if you'd be able to come to lunch with me around noon," he said.
Noon. Three hours away. I'd have to line up a sitter, race home, take the kids back to school shopping as promised, and hop in the shower to ensure I'd be ready for work in the morning. My day was hectic enough let alone adding lunch--
"That sounds good," I found myself saying.
"Is Zinc Brasserie okay? My treat."
I almost snorted. I had driven by the place a million times, but I'd never gone in. One look at the prices of their online menu had me shaking my head in disbelief.
"They're closed on Sundays," I said, remembering that little tidbit of trivia somehow.
"The chef's a friend," Brian said vaguely. Of course, he is. "Okay then," I said, trying to decide if I had time to look at the online menu before the kids woke up.
"It's a date," he said and I foolishly teared up. He had said the same thing so many years ago and sent me into a tizzy. Yet hearing it now made me...apprehension.
"Noon," I repeated. "See you then."
I hung up before he could say anything else. I smoothed out the dog food bag again and blinked the tears back. I needed to get moving. I had a lot to do and a short time to get there.
"Why are you so dressed up?"
Cole sat on the couch, his PS3 controller in his lap. His eyes were narrowed in suspicion.
"I think mommy looks pretty!" Tibby said. She touched the hem of my dress and smiled. I prayed she had fully washed the jelly from her hands.
"I'm just going out to lunch," I said. Cole crossed his arms.
"With him?" he asked coldly.
I opened my mouth to tell him he needed to adjust his attitude, but I thought twice. After all, Tibby was too young to remember, but Cole...Cole had hidden behind the couch that night. He had seen it all. He was distrustful for a purpose. I will never forget his loud sobs as he curled up beside my defeated body, determined not to leave my side and trying so hard to give the 9-1-1 operator the right information.
"It's okay Cole," I said gently. "You don't have to worry. You're the only man in my life."
He cracked a smile and sat up a bit straighter. Tibby began to play with the strap of my sandal.
"You're the most beautifulest mommy in the world," she said. Her large eyes looked up at me and I couldn't help but bend down and scoop her up. Her hands, sticky like I had anticipated, pressed against the back of my neck. Just as I kissed her forehead, the doorbell rang.
"Auntie Bee!" Tibby cried happily.
Sure enough, leaning against the doorway and studying her ridiculously long nails was my best friend Beatrice "Bee" Ellis. She whistled when she saw me.
"Damn girl, you mean business, dont'cha?"
I glanced behind me to see Cole watching me, that same worried expression back on his face. I shook my head.
"Just lunch," I repeated.
"And for dessert?"
I loved Bee dearly, she had been my first friend when I had moved to Sandusky with Tibby and Cole. Tibby had only been about three months old; Cole had been two weeks shy of nine. We clicked right away and she had offered to watch the kids for free while I went on numerous job interviews. She was quirky, kinda flighty, cussed like a sailor, but had a heart of gold that made me overlook all her flaws. Well, almost all of them.
"Really?" I whispered. "In front of the ids-kay."
Bee rolled her eyes but had the decency to look sorry. She took Tibby from me.
"Damn little one, what's mommy been feeding you?"
"S'mores!"
"That explains it," Bee grinned. She nodded towards to door. "Go."
"I appreciate this," I said. She lifted her hand and waved it. "You're doing me a favor. Mikael is driving me nuts chisling ice blocks. It's friggin' summer and he's practicing for winter. Remind me why I married an artist?"
"Artiste," I teased. "And it's because he's a great guy and he worships the ground you walk on."
Bee glowed. "True. Now get outta here. You'll be late."
A look at my watch told me she was right. I swooped in and kissed Tibby and turned to Cole. I hugged him tightly.
"Don't worry, sweetheart," I said. "Just lunch."
"That's all."
