[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Chapter Twelve

The computerized voice welcomed Rochelle into AJ's voicemail inbox and declared, "You have twenty-two new messages. To listen to your messages, press one."

Rochelle pulled the phone back and pressed one.

"Message one. Saturday. June 24. 11:26 A.M."

"Jay you gotta call me a'ight? I'm being told crazy shit. CRAZY SHIT, man. They think --Lauren's trying to tell me you're like dead and that I have your heart in my chest and this is bullshit, so you gotta call me back. Like now. Aight?"

"End of message one. Next message. Saturday. June 24. 11:29 A.M."

"...I just was thinking... um... AJ... if they're right, if they're not full of shit... I um.................. Nevermind."

"End of message two. Next message. Monday. June 25. 5:47 P.M."

"Fuck you. Fuck you, AJ. You have no right to be dead. What the hell were you thinking? You stupid piece of shit. Going drinking? Seriously? Cheating on Rochelle? You're so stupid. I can't believe how stupid you are. After everything you've been through? After everything we've all been through? Christ AJ. And look, now you've gone and died and I'm feeling better and I can't even tell you about it! I didn't even fucking get to say goodbye! I didn't even get to go to your fucking funeral 'cos you couln't even just die -- no no, that's not good enough for you. Fuck just dying and being dead, right, when you can die, be dead, and fuck up my life by like dying to save it and shit. Do you have any idea what I'm going through? Fuck you!"

"End of message three. Next message. Monday. June 25. 6:59 P.M."

"Jay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you died. I'm sorry I'm pissed off. I can't take it, dude. I close my eyes and lay my head on the pillow and I hear it beating in there and it's so weird because it's not me in there, its you. It's like I can feel it different, like ventriloquism or something. It's not me operating me. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"End of message four. Next message. Thursday. June 28. 3:14 P.M."

"Dude Lauren's going crazy. How the hell do you deal with these wedding-obsessed chicks? You did this for how long? You and Ro had like the longest engagement ever. Course you WERE the wedding-obsessed chick there, weren't you? Maybe I should ask Rochelle this, never mind."

"End of message five. Next message. Wednesday. July 4. 10:54 P.M."

"Jay, I read a thing like a week ago about these people that do funerals by creamating people then making them into fireworks displays. Well it's the fourth of July and me and Lauren just got back from seeing them over the water and alls I could think about was that creamation place and how crazy that is and how fucked up and how completely insanely awesome you would've thought it was. I pretended a couple of them were you in my head a little but I dunno it didn't really do much for me. You're a fucked up bastard, though, so I knew you'd appreciate it."

"End of message six. Next message. Wednesday. July 11. 3:21 A.M."

"I would trade places with you, if I could, AJ. In a heart beat. Shit."

"End of message seven. Next message. Friday. July 13. 5:44 A.M."

".......... I'm sorry, AJ."

"End of message eight. Next message. Monday. July 16. 5:14 P.M."

"So a weird thing happened today, J, and I gotta tell you 'bout it. So check it out, I was down at the mall with Lauren and we had these real fruit smoothies, cos yanno that's the only thing I can have from the food court these days, and we were going to look at like yanno wedding -- I dunno, paper or something -- and this girl walks by and I thought she was Rochelle at first. I dunno why, she had no tattoos or anything but you know when you see someone in the corner your eyes and you think they're that person? Anyways I thought it was Ro and I swear to God the weirdest feeling happened. I don't even know it was like my heart like did some weird ass thing. Anyways, it just made me think about you and stuff and I thought I'd tell you."

"End of message nine. Next message. Tuesday. July 24. 7:37 P.M."

"Hey J, its me, Nick. I've been bugging Lauren about calling Rochelle because I don't think she has in awhile. Ro's like in Japan. But after I thought I saw her like a week ago down at the mall I been kinda tellin' Lauren that she kinda should call'er, y'know, 'cos like I'm sure Ro's like alone over there and shit and that's not fair to Rochelle. Anyways Lauren finally called her and Rochelle said she's gonna come back to the States and stay with us, but it's probably gonna be awhile before she does. I dunno. She's coming anyways. I'm kinda excited. Thought you would be too."

"End of message ten. Next message. Wednesday. July 25. 3:21 A.M."

"Jay. I just had the worst thought. What if Rochelle is mad at me 'cos you're dead and it's my fault? I mean I'm mad at me for that, why wouldn't she be?"

"End of message eleven. Next message. Wednesday. July 25. 3:38 A.M."

"Was it because of me? That you were drinking I mean? God damn it, I hate that you can't actually answer this shit. It's driving me crazy, J. I have so many questions. So many questions and nobody knows the answers because you're the only one that was there. I wish you could answer my questions."

"End of message twelve. Next message. Saturday. July 28. 4:47 P.M."

"So Rochelle's gonna be here next week and Lauren just offered me to pick her up at the airport when she gets here because she's got an appointment with some lady named Stephanie. Or Tracy. Or -- I don't know -- someone. Some lady. About wedding planning. I don't remember the name. But anyways I'm trying to decide what kinda food I want when I'm alone. I know it's your heart and stuff but dude you ate shit for how long and your heart works fine right now so I think I should be okay sneaking something. You'd be all up in my grill like Yo get a McDonalds! 'Cos yanno, that's like the ultimate you thing to want and -- Actually you know, McDonalds sounds fucking amazing now that I've said it? Damn it, I'd cut off my left nut for a Big Mac about now. Ughhhh."

"End of message thirteen. Next message. Saturday. July 28. 5:52 P.M."

"I'm thinking Twinkies now. Remember that one time -- that one time I frosted the twinkies and stuck'em together like frosting sandwiches and ate like four of them and you thought I was really gross? Dude it was really gross but it was so good, too! I'm so hungry. Lauren makes like fake food. It's real but it tastes fake. Dude do you remember that one time J when we tried to make Howie eat the plastic grapes and he almost did but then he started chewing on it and it wouldn't chew? Oh my God that was so fuckin funny. Hold up -- Laurens callin' me. I gotta go."

"End of message fourteen. Next message. Monday. July 30. 2:18 P.M."

"Lauren's going crazy. You should see the shit she bought for Ro's room. They had fuckin' flowers on it. She got so pissed off 'cos I was like Ro won't want that and she gave me the blanket and was like here you go do it then you think you know everything about her so I took it back and I got her this blanket with zebra print on it. You'd definitely approve."

"End of message fifteen. Next message. Monday. July 30. 7:22 P.M."

"Lauren ended up agreeing with me about the zebra print. Just saying."

"End of message sixteen. Next message. Thursday. August 2. 2:14 A.M."

"Why did you have to go and die? I miss you so fucking much. I hate you for dying. Funny shit happens and it's not funny 'til I tell you about it and you aren't around to tell. The fellas hate me, I think. I think they can't look at me. Especially Howie. They never come around. I haven't seen them once since I found out and only like one time before that. AJ, I feel like it's not just you that died. I feel like all of you guys died. You and Howie and Kevin and Brian, too. I feel so alone. I know I'm not. I have Lauren, but I mean -- I don't know. I feel like all my friends are dead and I'm the last man standing. I feel like those guys that go to war and everyone in their platoon goes down and all that's left is them. I miss you."

"End of message seventeen. Next message. Thursday. August 2. 2:36 A.M."

"I just remembered that time when we became blood brothers, you and me, and you were going all dramatic about it and you made us make a pact about us always being ready to sacrifice all to save the other. I mean we were talking about like in the event of the apocalypse or like if we climbed Everest eating each other if we needed to, but seriously you kept the pact. Your heart's beating in me to prove it. I guess we're like ultimate blood brothers now, huh?"

"End of message eighteen. Next message. Saturday. August 4. 8:12 A.M."

"Rochelle's coming today. I'm nervous about seeing her. It's so weird because I've never been nervous about shit like this before. Why am I nervous about seeing Rochelle? But seriously dude my palms are sweating. I swear it's like they're little pools. It's ridiculous. It's weird because I feel relief that she's gonna be here today, like I was worried and didn't even know it. I missed her. Anyways. I gotta go. And also, still making the choice beteween the Big Mac and the Twinkies. I'll update'cha later."

"End of message nineteen. Next message. Saturday. August 4. 11:48 A.M."

"I went with a Twix bar. Just in case you were curious since I was talking about my sneaking food and all."

"End of message twenty. Next message. Saturday. August 4. 3:18 P.M."

"Nobody wants it to be me here, nobody wants me. Everyone wishes I was still you, they all wish you were here instead. Even I wish you were here instead. I see myself in the mirror and I hate myself. You're dead because of me. If it wasn't for your heart being inside me it' still be inside you. If it was gonna keep beating this long then you'd be alive too right? Why would it have died in you but not in me? Why is it possible that this is your heart? AJ, it hurts so much. I feel so lonely. I wish I could switch with you. I wish I could fix it. Rochelle told Lauren today she can't help but look at me and think it should be you alive instead of me and it hurts so bad to think about it. It hurts to think she might resent me for you dying. I didn't want you to die. I didn't ask for you to die. I didn't ask for your heart. But it's my fault. All of it. I wish it wasn't my fault. I wish I could fix it."

"End of message twenty-one. Next message. Saturday. August 4. 9:48 P.M."

"It feels so weird, knowing Rochelle is in this house, knowing she's in the guest bedroom, and you aren't. It must be so weird for her, being here without you, too. She looks different, you know, in the eyes. She misses you, I can tell. But hell. Don't we all?"

"End of message twenty-two. You have no new messages."

Rochelle hung up the phone with shaking hands, tossed it to the night stand, rolled over and closed her eyes. She felt like she'd been scalded.