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Chapter Six

Lauren came home from the grocrery store to find Nick asleep on the couch in nothing but boxer shorts, a fan oscillating on the coffee table in front of him and a replay of the Buccs game on TV. She bent over the back of the sofa and slipped the remote from his hand and pressed the mute button, silencing the broadcast. The dogs - Igby, Nacho, and Panda - were all situated around Nick on the couch. Nick's scar was still vibrant across his pale chest, his face peaceful as he slept.

Lauren stared at the scar, her mouth going dry, and reached out a tentative hand and traced along it with one finger. Under there, under the skin and muscle and bone, was AJ's heart, beating in Nick's chest. It was a modern medical miracle and a nightmare at the same time. She withdrew her hand as Nick sighed and shifted beneath her touch and she hurried to the kitchen with the bag of groceries she'd bought.

Unsacking everything, she started to cry. She leaned against the kitchen counter, her palms splayed, and was reminded of the month before, when Nick was in the hospital, before Rochelle had arrived, before Nick had called, before any of this had happened, and she closed her eyes and choked back gut-wrenching sobs. Suddenly Nick was behind her and he enveloped her in a hug and kissed her jaw softly. Lauren leaned back into him and held his bare arms in place around her, relishing the feeling of his breath against her skin.

"Nick," she said hoarsely, "Theres something I need to tell you." She turned in his arms to face him. "It's important."

Nick stared down at her, "Yes?" he asked.

Lauren licked her lips, "I love you," she started.

Nick smiled, "I love you," he answered. He laughed, "Is that it?"

"No," Lauren shook her head.

"What's the matter, pun'kin?" he asked, kissing her nose.

Lauren felt her hands begin sweating. "Maybe we should sit down." His eyes met hers and she tried to convey the seriousness of her words.

He lowered himself into the seat at the table. "What's up?" he asked, but this time his voice was less playful.

"Nick," Lauren said slowly, "I --"

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked quickly, panicked.

"No," Lauren replied.

Nick looked relieved. "Okay, okay. Go on, then."

Lauren opened her mouth, but no words would come. Finally, she stammered, "When you had your surgery --"

"Lauren," he interrupted her again, "Wait a second. Wait. I gotta ask you something, before you go on." He cleared his throat. "Lauren, will you marry me?"

She blinked back shock, "Um. What?"

Nick slipped off the stool to his knees awkwardly. "Will you marry me? You've been there for me through the worst of my life and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, forever." He smiled, "I love you with all my heart. Both of them. The old one and the new one, too." Nick smiled.

Lauren felt her throat burning. "I --"

He looked slightly crestfallen, "You don't wanna marry me?" he asked.

"No," Lauren said, "Wait, I mean yes, of course I want to marry you, Nick, but what I'm trying to say to you is that I --"

But Nick was up on his feet and he'd run to her and flung his arms around her and, grinning, announced, "So that's it then? We're gettin' married?"

Lauren swallowed. "Wait. Wait. Nick, I need to talk to you about your heart."

He stopped hugging and pulled back, "What about my heart?"

Lauren drew a deep breath as Nick sat down again. She lowered to her knees in front of him, her hands on his knees, and stared up at him. "Nick, the night of your transplant, something happened."

He stared down at her, his jaw set in that peculiar way it did whenever he was being serious, his eyes smoldering. "Okay?" he asked.

An intensity was hanging in the air between them. Lauren's voice was careful. "AJ went out drinking," she said slowly, "At a club downtown."

"He was drinking?" Nick frowned, "That rat bastard." He looked toward the phone, "I need to bitch him out..."

"Listen to me."

Nick looked back at Lauren. "What?"

"Nick, there was... an accident."

"Accident?" his upper lip curled slightly, like the word repulsed him. "How do you accidentally go drinking?"

"No, Nick." Lauren's eyes were on the cusp of overflowing. "There was an accident."

He froze. "Where is he?" he demanded.

Lauren swallowed. "Honey, AJ... he didn't... make it."

Nick closed his eyes, his fists balled, the muscles in his neck tightened. "No," he whispered. "He can't be --" He paused, looked away, and his eyes shifted as he thought, connecting dots. His eyes me Lauren, his hand pressed to his chest, shaking his head.

"Nick, Dr. Carroll did blood tests when he was still a John Doe, before they knew --"

"No."

"-- and he was a match, and by the time they'd IDed him positively she'd already told you --"

"No..."

"-- and they didn't want us to tell you --"

Nick stood up, knocking Lauren backwards onto the kitchen floor with the velocity of the motion. He walked quickly out of the room and Lauren heard his feet thunder on the stairs going up to the bedroom. She closed her eyes and tears fell across her face. He'd looked so horrorstruck as the words she'd said had sunk into his consciousness.

Upstairs, Nick was pacing in the bedroom, his hands up on his head, clutching his hair as he walked from one end of the wall to the other, gasping and staring around, trying to collect his thoughts. Lauren had told him Panda was just there for a couple days. Where was Rochelle? Why hadn't he seen this on the news? Was he dreaming? He reached for his arm and twisted the flesh so hard that the skin around the spot his fingers had grasped turned red and his thumbnail actually punctured and drew a little bit of blood.

Nick grabbed his cell phone off the dresser and scrolled through his contacts list until he got to Bone and clicked call now. The phone rang twice, then went to voice mail.

"Hey this is AJ, leave one after the beep."

"Jay you gotta call me a'ight? I'm being told crazy shit. CRAZY SHIT, man. They think --" Nick laughed, "Lauren's trying to tell me you're like dead and that I have your heart in my chest and this is bullshit, so you gotta call me back. Like now. Aight?" He hung up the phone and put it down on the bed. He paused, then picked it back up, and redialed.

"Hey this is AJ, leave one after the beep."

"...I just was thinking... um... AJ... if they're right, if they're not full of shit... I um..." he paused, staring down at stocking feet. His socks were dirty. He chewed the inside of his lower lip. "Nevermind." He hung up the phone, unable to put words around the conflict he was feeling coursing through him.

The door creaked and he turned around. Igby and Panda were standing in the door. Nick lowered to the floor and the two dogs walked over, Panda's nose was dripping and Igby wagged his tail. Nick reached out and pet Igby, pulled Panda onto his lap and pressed his face into the scruff of the little dog's neck, breathing deeply. He coughed and put Panda down and stared at her. "You need a bath, smelly thing," he commented quietly. He looked away.

"Shit," he whispered, leaning his head back. "Shit."