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Chapter Seven

Lauren gave him twenty minutes before she went upstairs and knocked on the partially open door. He was sitting on the floor staring at his cellphone, hugging his knees, a resigned, sick sort of look on his face. "Nick," she said slowly, stepping into the room. He didn't look up. Lauren slid to the floor beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her cheek against his biceps. "I'm sorry."

"He's gonna call," Nick muttered.

Lauren pressed her lips to his shoulder and kissed his skin softly. "Nick," she whispered, "He's not going to call."

Nick's eyes burned, threatening to spill over. "He's been dead a month and I didn't know," he said quietly. He looked at Lauren. "Why did you lie to me?" he asked.

"I didn't lie," Lauren said, "We just --" she sighed, "We couldn't tell you because Dr. Carroll was afraid that you would reject the heart."

Nick stared at his shoes. "Was there a funeral?" he asked quietly.

Lauren swallowed, "Denise had a very small ceremony," she said quietly, "Just the family, and Howie, I think..."

Nick felt like his throat was going to burst. "Is Denise okay?"

"She was devestated, obviously," Lauren said quietly, "But her husband is there for her..."

Nick nodded into his knees.

He looked like a child, the way he was curled into himself, tears streaming silently down his face. Lauren kissed his cheek softly, then c rawled around to the front of him. "Sweetie, I know you're devestated, and I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm here for you, okay? No matter what."

Nick looked into Lauren's dark green eyes and his heart ached. No, AJ's heart ached. Nick closed his eyes. "It feels so wrong," he gasped out the words, his hands began to shake and he brought them up to cover his face. "I'm alive because AJ's dead."

"He died," Lauren whispered, "That is not your fault."

"It is," Nick said sullenly, "If I didn't have his heart, it'd still be in him."

"AJ was dead before that heart was put into you," Lauren argued gently, "He died. At least his death meant something. He saved you."

Nick's jaw trembled. "But he's gone."

"I'm sorry Nick."

"He was one of my best friends," Nick choked.

"I know honey," Lauren's voice shook.

Silence fell over them, and Lauren waited for him to speak again. She couldn't help but wonder how much of what he'd said downstairs - before he'd found out about all this - he had meant. Did he really want to marry her? Or had he been speaking rashly, thinking she was about to leave him? She knew it wasn't the right time to be wondering such a thing. She also knew that Nick's proposal in the kitchen had been hasty, unplanned, and not the ultimate dream proposal she'd always hoped he would one day give her. But she couldn't help but hope that it was the real thing. But she didn't dare to ask, or to even think of it too hard.

After a long, gut-wrenching pause that spanned several minutes, Nick looked up at her.

"Where's Rochelle?"

"She had to get away," Lauren replied.

A worried expression tumbled across Nick's face. "Get away? Get away where?"

"She's going to a couple countries. Japan, Australia," Lauren answered. "That's why we're watching Panda, so she can travel..."

Nick looked down at Panda. "Where's the other dogs?"

Lauren frowned, "She couldn't take care of all those dogs alone. Nick you've seen how many dogs they had..."

Nick frowned. He puckered his lips and called Panda over. The dog reluctantly waddled to Nick's side and he scooped her up. "Poor thing," he said, "Last of your siblings." He rubbed her ear.

Lauren reached out and pet her, too. "Rochelle will be back eventually and she'll take Panda back then. I hope you understand. I just... I couldn't say no, given everything... you know?"

Nick sighed and hugged the dog to his chest, "No, I get it..."

"You do?"

He nodded. "It's kinda nice. Having Panda here." He stroked the dog's fur.

"She's a nice dog," Lauren agreed. Nick nodded again. She paused. "Are you okay, Nick?"

He shook his head, "It's too much to take in," he said thickly. "It's hard to process it. I can't feel anything. It's like my feelings are turned off." He paused. "The other guys know, right?"

"Yes," Lauren replied.

Nick nodded. "So I'm the last to know." He picked up the cell phone from the carpet and spun it in his hand, staring at the dark screen. A part of him clung to the idea that it would ring, AJ's picture would come up, and he'd answer it and hear his friend on the other end of the line. But slowly the truth was sinking in that unless they had a long distance calling plan in Heaven, this wasn't going to happen. He swallowed. Lauren was staring at him, concern and anticipation in her eyes.

"You'll still marry me," he said, "Won't you?"

Lauren felt tears come to her eyes, "I will."

At the words, AJ's heart ached in his chest.