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«I'm exhausted, Nick. And I believe that you know pretty well the reason. After all that is my way to cope with everything when I'm too stressed or when I have too much going round in my mind. You've always made fun of me for that, you used to call me «desperate housewife», waiting to come home and find an apple pie just baked. You said that it should had been our signal, the sign that it wasn't the right time to piss me off.
Now... Now it's only a way to fill the hours and put some order inside the house. There are still so many of your things!
In the pantry, in a corner, there are still your favorite foods. I couldn't bring myself to throw them away, though Kevin shared a not so happy look. What am I supposed to do? I'm still not ready to erase you completely out of my mind and life. Plus, you were the one telling me not to run away from the memories and that's what I'm doing. While I was putting and checking the boxes of cereals, I had in front of me the image of you at the breakfast table, hair still all ruffled up and a little bit of shave 'cause you were still too sleeply. You'd come to the kitchen half asleep, yawning and moving slowly. You'd sit down at the table and you'd know that you were going to find your mug, your milk and your cereal. Though you'd always looked at me weirdly 'cause I was already sitting in front of you, with my cup of coffee in the hands. You didn't like that aroma, though I still can't understand how. Or, maybe, you were only faking it because you knew that I would end up giving you a kiss.
Do you know what I have found? Gosh, I thought I had gotten rid of it! Even if you were the one who brought it and I've always kept all of your gifts, I was sure to have put it right where the street cleaner could had seen it and bring it away. Yes, Nick. I'm talking about that apron you brought me for our fist month of living together!
You were a sentimentalist, you loved to celebrate every little and insignificant anniversary. For our first year, you wanted to celebrate for the whole month. You organized everything, we were supposed to do something different each day and night. And you did all of that in secret because you wanted it to be a surprise. But you forgot that we were supposed to start recording that very month, this time hidden in a isolated little town so there wouldn't be any song or information leaked.
You felt so terribly!
So, in the end, I was the one making you a surprise. Even though we could have a private jet if we wanted, that wasn't what mattered. In the end, all it mattered was to be together and celebrate us, not the place where we were.
Remember? I still don't know how much I beg and paid the other guys to leave us alone in the studio that night! And you don't know how many hours I've spend trying to find all the candles I needed. But I remember your face when you come into the studio and saw my surprise.
I think I still have some of those candles. I think they're bound to come up when I will start to clean our room. Maybe, I will light one up just so to relive that anniversary.
It's something unforgettable. Just like all the others.»