Nick found himself sitting in yet another hotel room. He had been in many throughout his life. So many in fact, he had lost count.

Nick lay on the bed staring at the wall. Despite having the heat on, the room felt so cold.

Right now, somewhere his sister funeral was taking place. For reasons he couldn’t even understand. He couldn’t be there.

It broke his heart to be away from the service. His younger brother however had promised to give his love to the right people.

A tear rolled down his cheek and fell onto the already moist pillow.

He tried not to relive the phone call he had gotten from his father but he couldn’t help it.

“W- What do you mean she’s gone?” Deep down he knew what his father meant but he wouldn’t let himself believe it.

“She’s dead Nick.”

A gasp like cry escaped his lips making everyone around him look at him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No!” He cried as his knees gave out and he collapsed on the floor.

“I wish I were lying.” Bob told him.

Suddenly Nick felt a hand on his back. It belonged to Brian. “Nicky?”

“Les- Leslie…” He whimpered as tears filled his eyes.

“Nick?” His face was full of worry.

“She dead.” As he said it his cell phone slipped from his hand and fell onto the cold cement floor.

As Nick snapped out of his thoughts he realized tears where falling widely from his eyes.

He had to stop crying but he just couldn’t. His cell phone ringing had snapped him from his thoughts however.

“Hello.” He picked it up trying not to let the caller know he had been crying.

“It’s done Nicky.” Aaron sounded really upset.

Nick could hear a small child crying in the background. “Mama” the baby cried.

He took a deep breath suddenly placing the voice as belong to Alyssa, his niece.

He could speak.

“Can I see you?” Aaron asked.

“Air…” Nick whined a bit. He wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing his siblings. He knew he’d have to be strong for them and he wasn’t sure he could be.

“Please, I need you.” Nick could hear him fighting tears.

“I can’t see you guys…” His voice cracked a little.

“No, just me Nick.”

He took a deep breath. He had no idea if he could handle it but Aaron needed him. He couldn’t tell Aaron no.

“Alright bub. When? Where?”

“As soon as I can get to you. I’m hurting.” Nick picked up on a whimper in his little brother’s voice.

“Alright, be strong.” Nick encouraged. “There’s a coffee shop near my hotel. I’ll text you the info. Just call when you get to Manhattan.”

“Yeah…” He sniffled a bit. “Ok, thanks.”

After they hung up Nick rested his cell against his forehead. He hated all of this. He shouldn’t be having to help his brother though the death of their sister. It was insane.

After a moment Nick collected himself enough to text Aaron the approximate address of the coffee shop.

After another while of just laying perfect still on the bed Nick forced himself to get up. He had to shower. He hadn’t showered since the day before Leslie passed. It had just ceased to feel important.

In the shower Nick turned the water as hot as he could stand. It almost burned but he welcomed the discomfort. His flesh turned pink as beads of waters dripped wildly down his face.  They seemed to mask the tears that he allowed himself to cry. He had to get all his crying out of the way before meeting Aaron.

As the water began to lose its warmth he finally decided to go on with washing up. By the time he finished the water was ice cold. He didn’t mind it much. It wakened him up a bit and helped him feel a little more energized.

Quite some time passed. By the time Aaron called Nick had finished getting ready to meet him.

He let his brother know he would see him soon and set out for the coffee shop.

When he got there he took a seat at a small table in the corner and waited. He hope he could stay strong once his brother arrived.

Finally he spotted the younger blonde walking in the door. He looked around aimlessly for a moment before spotting him.

As their eyes connected Nick stood and Aaron rushed towards him. 

“Nick.” Aaron sounded relieved as his arms came around Nick waist.

“Hey bub.” Nick forced a smile hugging him back.

When Aaron pulled away from the hug he looked at Nick and forced a smile too.

“Coffee?” Nick nodded toward the counter.

“I uh… can’t… “ Aaron looked away. “I don’t have enough money right now.”

“I got it.” Nick patted his shoulder and walked with him to get drinks.

There was no conversation other than to order their drinks but as they walked away to sit back down Nick opened up a conversation, “So… how was it?”

“It was nice. Really sad but… nice.” He nodded.

“I woulda been there but…”

“I know… she knows too. I told her.” Aaron  explained.

Nick could only smile. His brother was a bit of an odd ball but he always seemed to mean well.

Silence fell for a moment. Nick sipped his hot drink as Aaron tapped his foot and seemed to space out.

“Alyssa… Alyssa made it real hard. She kept looking at Les and screaming for her. Mike kept trying to calm her down but started getting shitty when she wouldn’t stop screaming ‘mama’ and so Ginger took her out. Even then you could still hear her crying.”

Nick swallowed hard. He could only imagine what Alyssa was thinking… seeing her mom lying there but not responding. His heart broke for his young niece.

“Who has her now?” Nick asked.

“Well, I figured Mike would take her ya know but when I left dad was putting her in their car. Mike left by himself. Ya know, he didn’t say much to anyone.”

“That’s strange.” Nick commented. It seemed rather out of character.

“Angel thought so too.” The younger Carter brother ran his fingers over a tattoo on his arm. It was an image of an angel he had gotten for his twin.

“Think you’ll get one for Leslie?” Nick had to change the topic even if only for a moment.

“Eventually.”

“Kind of addicting huh?” Nick smiled. He remembered when he got his first tattoo. Aaron told him he was crazy. Now here Aaron was with more tattoos then him.

Aaron could only grin and nod.

Nick stared down at the steam rising from his drink.

“Think we’ll ever be ok?” Aaron asked making the mood shifting once again.

“Yeah, it’ll take a while but we’ll be ok.” Nick nodded.

“I hope so. Right now I just… feel kinda empty.”

“Me too bub.” Nick took another sip of his drink. “Angel seem to feel the same?” Nick wanted to know. He and his baby sister didn’t talk much but he still loved her very much.

“I dunno. She seemed hard to read. I dunno if she’s just kinda blocking the emotions or if she’s using to help block the emotions.” Aaron decided to be honest.

The news was hurtful for Nick. He hated that his siblings had so many issues.

“You aren’t using again are you?” Nick worried.

“No, I’ve wanted to pretty bad though.”

“I think you should get more help with that. I’m proud of you for fighting to stay clean but trust me. It gets harder. Especially during times like these.” Nick wanted to just level with Aaron. He wanted his remaining siblings to get better. Burying one was one too many.

Aaron glanced away from Nick and nodded.

“I’m serious Bro. I’m always here if you need help being talked outta using but, a professional would be much better. It can’t hurt to just look into it.”

Aaron looked to his brother, “I will, I promise.”

“Please don’t lie to me. I’m not trying to be a bitch, I just care. I don’t want any more of you guys dying.”

“I don’t wanna die Nick. I’m looking into getting help. No lies.” He nodded and smiled when Nick seemed to look relieved.

For the first time since that terrible phone call Nick felt like everything really truly would be ok. His biggest hope in the loss of his sister was that her death would speak to his siblings and encourage them to get their lives together.

Aaron seemed to be trying and that held hope. At least it did for Nick.

“Enough about me; how are you?” Aaron asked.

Nick shrugged, “Been spacing out a lot. I guess just not letting myself focus on it.”

Aaron nodded.

Before either brother could speak again Nick’s cell began to ring. His face looked confused.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked.

“It’s my lawyer.”