Feb 5th, 2012
I was in the middle of a sold out solo tour, but I felt a million miles away.
No, what I wished for was to be a million miles away.
My eyes hurt, my head hurt, and my heart hurt.
If only I had been there for her
She was only 25, had the rest of her life to live, a little girl to watch grow up, more children to be had.
Instead she was gone. Just like that. Gone.
And I couldn’t help but think it was all my fault.
I was the one who joined a boy band. I was the one who started making money, making our parents money hungry. It was me who pushed that divide between our parents, making them divorce.
And it was me who abandoned them all when they needed me the most.
I hated everything I had become. I hated the fame, the money, the attention. I hated being Nick Carter, pop star.
As soon as this tour was over with, I was going to be Nick Carter the pop star, no more.