[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
During: The Falls


Nick

It was Leslie.

I don't know how it happened but I wasn't in the plane anymore. I was standing on the ledge that overlooked Niagra Falls. The water poured over the cliff, pouring down into the pool below, spitting mist and rainbows. Leslie was standing by the edge, her hands on the railing, one of those big silver view finders beside her. She was looking over her shoulder at me, a smile on her face. It'd been years since I'd seen that calm, peaceful look in her eyes. She waved me over, "C'mere for a second, Nick," she said.

I walked over and leaned against the railing on my elbows, my hands clasped in front of me, staring down at the water. It was really nice here, I could see why she liked it so much. It gave a person time to think. Though my mind was so clear and free at the moment that there didn't seem to be much to think about.

Except...

I looked at Leslie. "Why am I here? Because of the crash? Because I'm dead?"

"Well, yes and no," She had turned back to look down at the falls. "Because of life, Nick," she said with a shrug. Leslie turned to look me in the eyes. She sighed, "So much has happened."

I nodded.

"You've grown a lot," she commented. She reached over and swiped away something on my shirt. She studied me a moment.

"Am I dead?" I asked.

Leslie didn't answer. Instead, she said, "Remember when we were little, Nick, and this one time I had that bright idea of being like Mary Poppins and jumping out of the tree fort you made with my umbrella because I thought I could fly?"

"That was stupid," I laughed.

Leslie smiled, "Yeah it was. But you grabbed me and kept me from doing it, remember, and you threw my umbrella over the side to prove it wasn't magic and it broke when it hit the ground."

"Yeah I remember that. You were so mad. You told mom and dad I broke it and you got me in deep trouble."

"I said I hated you," Leslie said.

"Yeah," I said.

"I didn't," she told me.

"I know," I replied.

Leslie licked her lips, "I didn't mean it that time anymore than I did the other times I said it to you. Like all those times when we did that stupid reality show, or that time we fought when I got engaged, or when I said it to you that time you visited after Alyssa was born." She took a deep breath, "And I know I never said sorry for all those times. Especially that last one. I had chances to, but I didn't take them, and then one day all my chances to say what I felt were gone. You know?"

I turned back to the falls. My heart was in my throat. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "I did the same thing," I said. "I didn't take my chances to say I love you to Ashley and now I'll never get to." I looked down at my clasped hands. "I'm not even sure she heard me when I said it. I called her, you know."

"I know."

"Do you know if she heard it?"

Leslie smiled sadly, "I can't tell you if she did or not."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"But you know."

"Yes, I know."

I sighed, and I felt vaguely frustrated, the way you feel when something completely out of your hands happens.

"Here, look at this." Leslie waved at the viewfinder beside her.

"I don't wanna look at the water," I said stubbornly.

"Just look at it, Nick," Leslie insisted.

I stepped over and pressed my eyes to the lenses. I felt Leslie guide the viewfinder for me, and my eyes roamed over the water, over the rainbows and mist, to the pool below. And I realized it wasn't a pool, it was the whole world. I know that sounds really corny or something but seriously, it was, and I could see everything, like a God's-eye view. It was so weird. I squinted as Leslie adjusted the focus and everything went blurry, then seemed to zoom in and slowly become clearer. And I saw Ashley. She was standing on my lawn in her pajamas, yelling at my house.

"She's looking for me," I said.

"Yeah," Leslie answered.

I took a step back from the viewfinder and looked at Leslie. "Does Ashley love me?" I asked.

Leslie laughed. She reached up and moved the view finder again. "You tell me," she said, nodding at it for me to look back through it again.

I hesitated. My palms felt sweaty. I stepped up to it again. My eyes pressed again to the lenses and this time it was like watching an old home video where the colors were slightly fading from the film...

I saw Ashley when we were kids and we were in class in the fourth grade together and she was sitting behind me staring at my hair, drawing I (heart) Nick all over the inside of her notebook...

And then we were in seventh grade and it was the first school dance and somehow I knew she was hoping I would ask her but instead I chose to stay home and play video games so she went to the dance alone but she didn't dance with anyone because she only wanted to dance with me. Halfway through the dance, she'd left and come over my house and we'd played on the NES system for hours, me in my sweatpants and her in her dress that she'd saved her allowance for months for.

Then, it was 1994 and she'd come with me to a performance at Sea World and she sat in the front row with tears in her eyes watching as me and the fellas sang...

Again in the front row a few years later at the Homecoming concert in Orlando.

Giving me the last bite of ice cream.

Purposely missing a shot playing hoops.

Praying me taking her with me to Paris on the Backstreet Boys tour for her sixteen birthday meant I wanted to be her boyfriend.

Jealous eyes at every girl I'd ever gone out with.

Her leaving the bar after hooking me up with the latest girl of the night, walking home alone, hugging herself.

Crying in the backseat of a cab in Las Vegas.

I backed away from the viewfinder. I couldn't breathe. It'd all been right there, all along, the entire time. From the moment I'd met her, Ashley had been in love with me. And she'd waited quietly, patiently for me to see her. And it had taken an airplane crashing into the crust of the earth to make me open my eyes.

I lowered myself to my knees and covered my eyes.

Leslie stood there over me, looking down. I could feel her eyes on me.

"Why didn't I just see her before?" I asked.

"Because you weren't meant to," she answered.

"How could I be so selfish?" I asked.

Leslie's voice was quiet. "Nick, it's time to say good-bye."

I looked up at her, she was silhouetted by the sun. I could hear the roar of the falls. I stood up, my legs shaking. I took hold of the view finder, and looked into it one last time for one last look at Ashley. She was beautiful. I felt my throat close up.

"Goodbye," I whispered. Then, I turned back to Leslie. "Okay," I said, "I'm ready."

She smiled. "Okay..."

"Wait," I said. I wasn't sure what would happen. I guessed I was going to go on to like heaven or something. Maybe every person got their own version of Heaven. This one, Niagra Falls with the view of the people she loved below, was obviously Leslie's. I wondered what mine would be like. I wondered if other people could visit it. I wasn't sure, so I had to ask my question now, before it was too late. I'd learned my lesson about not saying things when you had the chance.

"Yes?" Leslie asked.

"Two things."

"Okay."

"One. I've missed you. This year has been hell. I wish I'd been a better brother to you. You deserved better than I ever gave. Not a day went by this year that I haven't wished I could rewind and do it all over again. I wish I'd been there for you better, wish I'd been more understanding. I wish I'd been there to help you when you were sad, when you were hurting. I'm sorry that I wasn't."

Leslie smiled, a tear glistening in the corner of her eye, "You are a good brother, Nick."

I swiped at tears in my own eyes, averting my gaze from her. "But I'm sorry none the less. Because I could've been better. I could've loved you better." I took a deep breath, "I love you, Leslie."

"I love you, Nick."

I felt like I should rush forward and hug her or something, but I didn't know if there was like rules against that in Heaven or whatever and I stayed cemented to my spot. I felt my throat throbbing.

"And second?" Leslie prompted. "You said there was two things."

"Second," I said, "Why did you show me all this? Why tell me that she loved me now that it's too late and I can't change it? Why not just let me go on wondering?"

Leslie smiled.

"That's the best part," she said. Her voice seemed to echo, and I looked around... Niagra was vanishing, the ledge was disappearing, even Leslie was fading. The viewfinder, gone... Everything was black darkness. And in the darkness, I felt something numb and far away, slowly coming closer, and then... I realized I was sitting, belted into a seat, my face was raw and I had pain... my nerve endings waking up, feeling the heat and the ache... a hazy memory image of Ashley swimming in my mind... her red hair, her narrow nose... Flashing lights somewhere... Light...and dark... Light... and dark...

I wasn't dead.

And then I heard, like a whisper of a memory.... the end of Leslie's sentence.

"Because the story isn't over yet."