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Before: Coffee Shop Nerves


Nick

Even though I was trying not to, I think I was making Ashley nervous. She was really jumpy and kept apologizing for no real reason, for things that once we would've laughed about her doing - like letting the door close on me at the coffee house or stepping on my foot in line for the register. She just seemed really uncomfortable, and I felt bad because I had a feeling that it had something to do with the fact that the last time she'd seen me I'd been on my knees in front of her asking her not to marry her husband.

I guess that sorta thing would kind of make you uncomfortable next time you saw a guy.

I pulled the chair out for her at the table, though, and she sat awkwardly. I offered her my hand to lean on and she shied away from it when I extended it. I sighed. She was afraid to even touch me.

I sat down across from her once she was settled and she sipped the green tea she'd gotten and I studied her for a long moment. There was something missing... something missing in her eyes, and I couldn't quite place what it was.

"So you're home," she said after a long bout of silence. She'd noticed me looking at her and spent a couple seconds coming up with something to say and that was what she'd landed on.

"Yeah," I said.

"...did you do it?" she asked.

I'd called her the day before and told her that I was probably gonna tell the fellas about my decision to leave the band and she'd been really supportive about it.

I nodded around my coffee cup, "Yeah," I said, "I did it."

Ashley took a deep breath and let it out really slowly. "I'm amazed," she said," Wow."

"What, you didn't think I'd do it?" I asked.

"I thought you'd be more... traumatized," she said.

"Traumatized?"

"Yeah. I mean, that's like... huge. Two thirds of your life is over."

I hadn't really thought of it like that. I hadn't thought of anything really yet. I hadn't had time. It'd been a busy night and the guys hadn't said much of anything, probably because they were shellshocked. Well except AJ, who had decided that I was full of shit and would be right beside him on the plane to Europe two weeks later, but he was wrong because I wouldn't be.

"I guess it hasn't really hit me yet," I admitted. "I'm sure it will. Right now though I'm just relieved."

Ashley nodded. "Like all great retirees, I suppose," she said.

"That's weird." I sat back, "I hadn't thought of myself as a retiree yet." I laughed. "I guess you're kind of a retiree, too."

Ashley laughed quietly, "I guess so."

"So you're gonna be a stay-at-home mom, huh?" I asked.

Ashley nodded.

I gestured at her stomach. "Do you know what it's gonna be yet?" I asked.

She shook her head, "We're waiting to find out."

"Nice," I said.

"I just know it's not multiples," Ashley added.

"You sure? You look like it could be five or six in there," I joked.

Ashley laughed. "Nope, doctor says there's only one."

"Must be Bigfoot."

"Maybe. Leave it to me to give birth to a giant. Lord only knows where the giant gene came from, considering Chris and I are both fairly small-boned."

"Don't let it near any beanstalks."

"Or sling shots."

"Yeah, that'd be unfortunate."

"Extremely."

"So how's Chris?" I asked.

Ashley was quiet for a second. She stared down at her cup, "He's good, you know, working a lot. He's gone most of the day." She took a sip.

"Yeah?"

"Yep."

I chewed the inside of my mouth. "Well tell him I said hey."

"Sure."

I looked around the coffee shop. People were eating scones and sipping drinks. They were reading books and deep in conversation. I wondered if any of them had backgrounds and histories as wildly complicated as Ashley and I did or if all their stories were basic, non-convoluted, non-tragic. Was I surrounded by the lucky ones that had their happily ever afters? I looked back at Ashley. She was beautiful. She seemed to glow with an unearthly beauty.

I wanted to tell her so, but I didn't dare to, so I kept the thought to myself.

But I mean, I'm not one of those guys that like think pregnant chicks are hot but Ashley looked about 75 times sexier than usual with her big round belly and swollen cheeks. Even the sacks under her eyes seemed to highlight her high cheek bones and underline the color of her irises in an attractive manner.

I wasn't prepared for how gorgeous she'd be.

"You're gonna be a great mom," I said.

Ashley smiled. "You really think so?"

I nodded, "The best."

"I'm scared," she confessed, "That I won't know how to be. I don't have any really great examples."

I shrugged, "It'll come natural to you. I know it will."

"Thank you, Nick," she said, and her cheeks glowed happily.




Ashley

The time flew by, like it always did with Nick. Several cups of coffee and tea, many laughs, and an entire afternoon later, and I felt like a completely different person. I was happy, which I'd almost forgotten how that felt. It'd been awhile.

I was so busy being happy that I completely forgot to watch the time.

Nick leaned back, having finished his last sip of his coffee. He glanced at his watch. "Damn," he said, a surprised look crossing his face, "So much for getting my groceries done early," he laughed.

"What?"

"It's almost six."

"What!" I felt sick to my stomach, "No. It can't be. Are you serious? Oh shit. Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-SHIT."

Nick sat up again, "What? What's wrong?"

I was struggling to my feet, "I need to get home. Like now. Like right now." I gasped. "Oh shit. Shit. SHIT."

Nick leaped up and ran around the table and helped me to my feet. "Okay, it's okay. I'll get you home. It's okay."

"No it isn't. I was supposed to be home before Chris. That was an hour ago."

"So give him a call, tell him we'll be right there."

We will be right there? Oh fuck. FUCKETY-FUCK!

"Oh shit. Oh Jesus. Oh shit. No. No, I can walk. You need to grocery shop. Go grocery shopping. I'll just... shit." There was no way to win. If I tried to walk home I'd probably die on the way there. My feet already ached, and my back was sore from the plate and from carrying around about a billion pounds of stomach. But if I let Nick drive me home and Chris ever, ever knew that I'd spent the entire fucking day with Chris, he'd probably kill me. Either way, death was imminent.

"Walk? Don't be ridiculous. It was ridiculous you walked here from your apartment before you were six months pregnant," Nick said.

"No I can do it, I'm just fine," I said. I struggled to waddle toward the door of the cafe.

"Ashley, don't be crazy."

"No really." I tripped and Nick caught me by my elbow.

"Ashley."

"Please Nick."

He stared at me. "Why don't you want me to bring you home?" he asked.

I looked up at him.

"Chris doesn't know we're hanging out together, does he?"

I shook my head.

Nick nodded, understanding. "Okay. So let me drive you home, and I'll drop you off."

"Okay."

He stepped ahead of me and opened the door. "It'll be our secret," he said, smiling.

I just hoped it was enough to keep me out of trouble.