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Before: I Would Rather Die Than Be With You

Ashley

He'd cleaned the apartment.

Everything was where it belonged, and the air conditioner was running, keeping it cool in there. He'd cleaned the carpet, gotten the blood up out of it somehow, and there was a radio playing softly somewhere, giving the apartment a welcoming ambiance. And it smelled nice, like pancakes. He must've lit one of my candles that I had around the apartment. It's my favorite scene, the pancakes candle.

"You gotta see the room," he said, and he took my hands and he pulled me down the hallway to the spare bedroom at the end. Chris pushed the door open.

He'd painted the walls pale green, and there was a border running around the room with little froggies on it about midway up and there was a crib in the corner, a wooden crib with a mobile hanging over it with little stuffed frogs and ducks hanging from it. There was a rocking chair with green upholstered cushions and a gliding ottoman beside it. A big stuffed teddy bear holding up a heart that read I Love You sat in the chair.

It was beautiful. It was the result of a lot of work. I wanted to love it. I wanted it to be everything I'd dreamed of, I wanted it to be enough.

Chris stepped up behind me and I felt every muscle in my body tighten in fear.

There was nothing that would ever be enough.

I turned to face him. "Chris," I said, putting my hand on his chest.

"I know," he said, "It's okay, you don't have to say you're sorry."

"What?"

He pulled me into him, pressing himself against me, he snaked his tongue into my mouth and his hands gripped me tight to him. I struggled to pull back, and he struggled to keep me there, refusing to release me. When he finally let go, and I stumbled backwards, I caught the side of the crib for support, almost tumbling to the floor. I gasped. "Oh God, Chris, I'm sorry," I said.

He looked at me, and I could see desperation in his eyes. "But... I did this."

"And it's beautiful," I choked, "But... Chris... it's not enough."

"How can it not be enough? It proves I love you, it proves I was thinking of you and about the baby and that I love you both."

I took a deep breath. "I need to go." I headed toward the door of the bedroom, but Chris blocked me.

"No," he said, "You aren't going back to him."

"Chris, you can't tell me what to do," I said.

He reached behind him, and I saw him pull up his shirt and he withdrew the gun from the back of his pants. His hands were shaking. "I think I can tell you what to do actually," he replied.

I stepped back. "Christopher," I said quietly.

"I told you Ashley, I told you I refuse to let him have you."

"So what're you going to do? Kill me? So nobody has me?" I asked, my voice shook because even though I was trying to make it sound like I didn't believe it, I was very afraid that was exactly what he was about to do.

He was stepping towards me, and I was stepping away with each step he took, until I'd backed into the dresser, and he was still advancing. There was no where to go and soon he had me completely pressed between the dresser and his body. He put his hands up, the gun pressed between his fist and the wall. He leaned in, so close I could feel his breath on my face. "Why don't you just love me? Then I don't have to kill you or Nick," he whispered.

I closed my eyes. I tried to open my mind. What should I do?

Chris leaned closer still, "Just...give me a chance... to make it all up to you..." he said huskily.

I opened my eyes. His eyes were closed, he was about to kiss me. He was off his guard. My moment was now.

I swung my arms with every ounce of force I had in my body and brought them both down across the length of his arm, making him drop the gun. The gun fell behind the dresser. I shoved him as hard as I could and he fell backwards. He hit the wall behind himself, and I ran. It felt too familiar. It felt like last time I'd been here. I reached for my phone in my pocket as I hurtled down the hallway, my hands shaking. I knew even if I managed to somehow get out of the apartment, even if I managed to somehow get down the stairs and out onto the street before Chris caught up to me, he'd still catch up to me before I could ever get away.

I needed help.

So as I ran I texted Nick. Just one word. Just one word. Help. Because that was the only word I could think of to say.

As I hit send, I heard Chris crash out of the baby room. I turned the corner into the dining room, my feet carrying me as quickly as I possibly could move. I grabbed the apartment door, which he hadn't remembered to lock behind us, and I swung it open and rushed into the hallway. I felt my phone vibe.

nice typing skillz ;)

I looked at the text I'd sent him.

egl;;p

Awesome. Well that was helpful wasn't it.

I retyped it.

help

I had planned to type more, but Chris caught up to me, so I squashed the send button, desperate to get Nick's attention. Chris swung me into the wall so hard the wall shook behind me and I felt something shift inside me. "My baby!" I cried, "Chris, my baby!"

He either didn't hear me or didn't care because he proceeded to slam me against the wall again. And again. I struggled, trying to free myself from his grasp on my shoulders. I tried to scream and he covered my mouth. "Shut the fuck up," he said coldly. He dragged me back toward the apartment. "I already fucking told you that you aren't going back to him."

My phone rang.

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere...

It was Nick. I struggled, trying like hell to hit the answer button. If he could hear what was happening... if he could just hear it... I could yell to him, I could tell him somehow where I was, he would come...

But we got into the apartment and Chris knocked the phone out of my hand and it went flying and slid under the couch.

"NOW LISTEN TO ME," he snarled, "YOU BELONG TO ME! YOU BELONG TO ME!"

"I DO NOT BELONG TO YOU!" I screamed.

"YOU ARE MINE!" Chris was right in my face, "YOU ARE MY WIFE!"

"Fuck you!" I yelled.

I heard my phone go off again.

Born and raised in south Detroit...
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere...

I rushed forward, trying to get to the phone. But Chris swooped ahead of me and faster than I ever could've struggled to bend down to pick it up, he lifted it up off the floor and hit the button that silenced the phone. He held it in his hand, "You. Will. Obey. Me. You. WILL. Love. Me. You WILL. Stay. With. Me."

I screamed the words as hard and as loud as I possibly could. "I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE WITH YOU!"

He reeled. He looked like I'd slapped him across the face. He stood there, frozen, staring at me, and I stood there, frozen, staring back. I was panting. And I felt something happening deep inside me, something I couldn't explain. It was like a rumbling, like knowing that something huge was about to happen. I felt the baby moving.

I put my hand on my stomach.

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world...

"Fuck," Chris spat the word. He answered the phone. "Don't call her again." He hung up. And he turned and he threw the phone so hard that when it hit the wall it shattered into about a hundred pieces that showered across the floor. He turned back to me, livid.

"Go on then," I snapped, "Kill me why don't you. Get it over with. You hate Nick so bad, then kill me and he'll never have me. But neither will you."

And Chris lunged at me.

I hadn't really thought he would. I didn't really think he had the balls to.

I guess I had higher expectations than he ever really deserved.

And the next thing I knew I was falling backwards.

And I'd crashed through the coffee table.




Nick

They could be anywhere. Los Angeles is a huge city. They could literally be anywhere.

I started driving, my hands sweating against the wheel, my stomach turning. I didn't even know where to start, I couldn't think straight. I probably shouldn't have been driving. I felt dizzy and lost and confused and fucking terrified.

I tried to logically work out where she was. She could be at the apartment, but why would she go there? There was no reason to go there. And he had to know that was the first place I'd look. That didn't even make sense to go there. She could be back at the house, but had I really left long ago enough that something could've happened? But then again the whole thing with Nacho, that had taken less than an hour and I'd been gone about that considering traffic, and yeah traffic was bad so I had to make this choice fast or else by the time I found her... I shuddered to think of her facing down a gun with Chris as pissed off as he'd sounded on the phone. I hated to think of her with him at all. And the baby.

My cell rang.

I looked at the ID.

It was the coffee shop by Ashley's apartment.

The one where I took her every year for her birthday coffee.

"Hello?" I really, really wanted it to be Ashley on the other end somehow.

"Hello, this is Breeanna, from The Coffee House... is Ashley there?"

"No this is her --" what was I to her? "--boyfriend, I guess," I said.

There was a pause. "Well I'm just calling because Ashley left her purse behind today when she was here, and Hillary, my manager, looked through it and this number was on a paper in the purse."

"THANK YOU!" I shouted ecstatically, and I hung up.