April 1993

“Unbelievable, it’s only his first day, and he’s already late!” Nick grinned despite his remark. The day had started out great, without him having to do anything about it. They had all been called to the studio early, and New Guy and Kevin were nowhere to be found. Nick thought it was downward priceless.

“I know right? It’s like having a second Nick Carter!” AJ exclaimed and everybody laughed. Nick’s eyes narrowed at him and his grin fell from his face.

“I’ll have you know that I was right on time this morning,” he commented.

“So miracles do happen!” discussing with AJ didn’t make much sense and Nick didn’t want to be the subject. They needed to get back to New Guy.

“Well, I’ve had so much fun with the two of you, I must go and call Kevin now, however,” Howie stated, who was sitting next to AJ on the couch. He stood up and left the room. Nick and AJ stayed behind. They could see Lou pacing the other room nervously through the glass window. Nick figured now was the perfect time to ask.

“Hey Alex, can I ask you something?” He scooted closer to AJ, his eyes big.

“Umm okay, yeah, sure,” AJ frowned. What does he want from me?

“What do you think about that New Guy?” Nick’s eyes never left AJ’s face.

“I don’t know, I mean, I don’t know him that well, but he seems alright,” AJ responded uncomfortably.

That was clearly not the answer Nick had been hoping for and he frowned deeply.

“Don’t you think he’s a little… uhh…. Weird?”

“Maybe, but so are you, shorty!” AJ laughed and Nick glared at him. He was so sick of being compared to New Guy.

“I’m not weird! That New Guy is! He talks like a nerd!”

“I know, I know. I think it’s funny. He’s a funny guy, you’ll like him too, I’m sure you will.”

“No, I won’t,” Nick said, crossing his arms, “Hey y’all, I’m Nickoolas, How’re y’all doin? Y’all doin awight?” He overdid the accent maybe a little bit, but it sent AJ right into a fit of laughter. At that point the door had opened and the person they’d been making fun of had come in. He must have heard Nick’s comment, cause his ever present goofy grin faded and he glared at the two of them.

“Nice,” Nick heard him mumble quietly. The young man turned around without giving them another look and left the room with his head hung low. Nick scoffed and smiled. He knew he should feel bad for what he did, but he couldn’t.

“I bet he’s gonna tell Kevin about it, what a wuss,” Nick said and he looked at AJ for approval. The older member was looking angrily at him.

“What?”

“You’re an ass, Nick,” AJ declared.

“What, you thought it was funny!” Nick said, offended.

“Whatever. He really doesn’t deserve the crap you’re giving him, you know.” AJ responded and stood up.

“Where’re going?” Nick asked, still on the couch.

“We’ve got work to do, whether you like it or not. Kevin and Brian are here now, so we get to start singing.”

Nick didn’t really want to go if New Guy would be there too, but he loved singing, so he hopped of the couch and ran after AJ, trying to keep up with the taller boy as they trudged through the endless halls of the studio. Nick loved the studio, it was his new favourite place in the whole world, right after his bed.

“Ah, right, there you are. We were waiting for you guys,” Kevin said as the two youngest members came in.

“Oh that’s funny, cause we weren’t the ones being late this morning,” Nick responded glaring at New Guy. He couldn’t glare at Kevin, cause Kevin was too cool to be glared at. New Guy did his very best to pretend like he hadn’t heard Nick.

“What, were you too scared to come today?” Nick spoke. The room went quiet. Nick hadn’t attacked New Guy this directly before and everyone stared at the two apprehensively.

When New Guy didn’t react in any other way than staring furiously at Nick, his nostrils flaring, Nick turned towards the others, disappointed.

“Well, let’s go in then, get this over with,” he said.

They weren’t off to a very good start, Nick realized, but he had never meant to get off a good start anyway. He hated the guy, so what did it matter if the guy hated him too? Nick smiled as he stepped into the sound booth, seeing New Guy trailing behind. Well, go on in, let me see what you can do, cause you’ll never be good enough to be in our band, he thought and prayed to God he was right.

August 2015

“I can’t believe they are going to replace him!’’ Nick yelled furiously, “They can’t replace him! He’s not just some dog you can… you know… replace!”

Lauren watched him worriedly. He had been like this for most of the year. Once the shock and denial had been taken over by the untameable anger, she had been unable to get a grip on his crashing downfall. She gently put a hand on his waist and let him to the couch.

“What’s wrong honey?”

“I already fucking told you! They’re gonna replace my best friend! Why?”

Lauren sighed, they’d had this conversation more than once, but she never seemed to get through to her boyfriend.

“Maybe because they’re ready to move on,” she tried softly. It didn’t help. Nick looked at her and she could clearly see the fire in his eyes, burning his soul, burning everything that made him her Nick. How did it ever come this far?

“We don’t fucking need to move on! We need Brian back, goddamnit!” Nick cried out and he broke down, sobbing in her arms, his head pressed against her chest. She wrapped her arms around him gently and put her head on top of his.

“He won’t come back sweetheart, he can’t,” she told him sadly.

“Why not? This is so unfair!”

“I wish I knew baby, I wish I knew,” she said and rocked him softly. Nick felt like he was thirteen again. But he didn’t have a fiancée to embrace him then. He’d only had a big brother. A big brother who would do anything for Nick, and Nick would do anything for him. That was what family was for. And now it was over. It had been over before, but it had never been this over. They didn’t need another New Guy, they needed Brian, only Brian. Only then everything would be awight.